To ask you what you think of people who don't drive?

[Landtosea]

So I'm late in life to learning to drive for a variety of reasons, a lot of them to do with driving causing me quite a bit of anxiety. I don't generally tell people this is this the reason though.

So recently I got a new job and it was raised in the interview that I don't drive - driving wasn't listed as an essential criteria but it was asked as part of the application process. I still got the job but it was mentioned that I should start learning, which I have but it's going pretty slowly, unfortunately. As part of my job about once a month I have to go to a site which isn't easy to get to on public transport and if colleagues are going they always offer lifts, and I feel so embarrassed and wonder if they think I'm a total loser for not being able to drive. I try not to tell people if I don't have to as I'm really ashamed of it but obviously in this context it's not possible for me to hide it. My colleagues always offer and are really nice about it but they probably judge me or talk about it behind my back (or perhaps I'm just projecting). They get their mileage paid for by work but I know it's still annoying to drive others and they probably will get annoyed about it if I don't get my license soon.

I know a lot of people on this forum talk about CFs who always expect lifts but I hate getting them and will turn down social invitations saying I'm busy because I know people often feel obliged to offer lifts if I explain it'll be difficult/impossible to get there. I don't want to be seen as a sponge and although a lot of people say not driving doesn't inhibit them, it definitely does for me and I can't see how it doesn't for others - so many people's houses and activities aren't easily accessed by public transport unless you're in London.

What do you think of people who don't drive? Do you think less of them or am I just imagining it?

I don't drive, I chose not to learn. I've never given it a second thought

I didn't learn to drive until my mid 20s and used to regularly accept lifts before then, so I am in no position to judge. Everyone's circumstances are different.

A good friend of mine doesn't drive because she doesn't feel like she has the spatial awareness to drive safely. She's fairly self sufficient with public transport but I'm happy to give her lifts when we're going the same way. Frankly I have a lot of respect for her self awareness - better that than the people you see on the roads who really shouldn't be behind the wheel but plod along at 10mph under the speed limit straddling 2 lanes anyway.

Frankly it pisses me off. My mother never learned to drive and once my father died, when I was seventeen, it fell to me to do all the driving (literally I was the main driver from the day I passed my test). I found it extremely selfish and it caused no end of difficulties with my mother (who had no good reason - just 'couldn't tell her left from her right').

To me it's a life skill, like swimming. Just get on and do it, unless there's a valid reason you can't (like epilepsy for example).

My cousin's DP can't drive and she really resents being the only driver - particularly on holidays.

I love driving, my DP loves driving. It's great. We take it in turns, no problems. I don't think I could ever be with someone who didn't drive.

I learnt to drive thinking it an essential life skill but have never needed it (live in London). Drivers who try to pressure me to accept a lift when I would rather read and relax on a train or walk annoy me!

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Medical condition means that I'm not allowed to drive. I'm damned if I'm telling people I hardly know about it though, so I just say I can't drive. Yes, people judge, but I'm long past caring. I get myself from A to B quite easily - the only person I ever occasionally ask for a lift from is DH, but I managed quite happily before I met him.

It irritates me no end when people - as is evidenced in this thread - say everyone should drive unless they have a medical condition. How do you know people don't? Or am I supposed to tell you my medical history?

I don’t mind it, some people live in cities where they can walk/get public transport everywhere.
Also some people have medical conditions, or anxiety about driving. I’m sympathetic to this as I was quite a nervous learner and took a while to pass my test.

As PP have said, it only affects me if it means I have to pick them up all the time etc. Also when non drivers don’t consider the drain driving can be, long distances can be quite tiring and you need to be concentrating for all of it, it can be quite stressful on motorways etc. I get a bit annoyed if non drivers treat it as not a big deal.

And straight up refusal to learn, with no underlying reason, rubs me up the wrong way a bit. I know a woman whose DH drives and she doesn’t, so she says she never needs to learn as he can. It strikes me as a bit selfish. I’m sure he’s happy with that arrangement and i know it’s not my business, but recently they drove to Scotland (9 hours driving total) and she was moaning about sitting in the car for all that time..no care for the DH driving for all of that!

I find it strange when I meet adults that don’t drive. I assume they either couldn’t afford to learn when they were younger or lived somewhere with great transport and didn’t bother. It doesn’t annoy me but I see non drivers as less ‘grown up’/ capable.

I don't drive because I find it terrifying. I learned in my early 20s, hated it, had many hours of lessons (spent over £2k) and eventually passed third time with four minors. I never got to a point where I could drive any distance on my own as I was too scared, but I could drive any distance/location with my partner in the car.

I then developed severe anxiety (which I have always been prone to, but this was a particularly bad bout), was cut up on a roundabout and had a panic attack while driving somewhere I couldn't pull over. I didn't drive again for two years.

I have done a bit of driving in the last few months - literally just around the block and two miles into town and back, with my partner - but am so out of practice and the feeling of not being completely in control scares me. If I overshoot a turn or brake too late I dwell on it for weeks and it convinces me I can't drive. I have had CBT before and know how to work on it, but it involves actually driving, which is too scary so I avoid it.

I am considering exchanging my car for an automatic as I've read a lot of people find them easier, but can't really afford it at the moment. I would love to be able to drive without fear, as my parents lives 50 miles away - an hour in the car, 2.5 by train. It's an easy drive and I've done it many times before, but at the moment it feels like a mountain.

I cycle locally very happily, and must admit I do rely on my partner for lifts if needed (which I'm sure is annoying sometimes, but he does enjoy driving). I would never, ever ask anyone else for a lift, and always sort out my own transport plans. Friends do often give me lifts though, simply because it makes things easier and presumably they don't mind.

It's something I hope/plan to work on.

God no! I don't really think anything but I'd never think less of someone for not driving. I'm the only person who drives in my family and growing up it was only my Grandfather who could drive so it's not that unusual, to me anyway!

It depends
If they don't drive because they can't afford to learn or for medical reasons I wouldn't judge. If they don't drive because they CBA to learn and rely on me to give them lifts then I would.

I feel really sad for the threads I see on MN when a parent (usually a mum) posts about an ill child, and can't get them to the GP/hospital because she can't drive and her partner is out or away with the car.

Ruling out disabilities etc I honestly think it's a bit of a cop out if you don't drive.

BUT I guess if you live in a major city then you don't need to... Still, I do see it as an essential life skill really.

I don't drive and I don't think anyone thinks much of it. I don't ask for lifts, I walk most places and I live in a big town with great public transport. There are about 6 different bus services so there's one pretty much every few minutes and I live a 15 minute walk from the train station for longer journeys.

Dh has sibings who live 4 miles away.they don't drive and neither do their partners ( all in late 50s)
They haven't been to our house ( moved here 2 years ago) because "it's a pain to get to".
Wouldn't occur to them to share a taxi.

We are rural, and not being able to drive is a major drawback. We bought this house because we both drive.

I think if people don't drive that's entirely their choice but they shouldn't expect lifts to be offered all the time and should try and make their own travel arrangements which I know many do.

My DP doesn't drive and it drives me insane as I have to drive every where and he never contributes to parking or petrol. So I think my view is slightly coloured.

It's just so limiting too if you don't : as lonicera says about driving a sick kid to the hospital, or relying on other folks for lifts.

No way I'd rely on some bloke to chauffeur me around. I wouldn't like to be so dependent on someone else.

I don’t drive for medical reasons (I’m epileptic). I order my “big shop” online, I live near the centre of town, I am very proficient at public transport. This means I don’t have to ask for lifts, which I hate doing.

It’s schools and doctors that cause me the most problems the fact that most people drive means that it is assumed that everyone does (and it means that the buses round me are shit).

I’ve been accused of being a bad feminist for not driving! I go to all sorts of lengths to avoid asking for lifts, to be honest as it’s embarrassing especially as there is the inevitable so why don’t you drive conversation. I’m not embarrassed about being epileptic but sometimes I can do without explaining it ....

There's no medical reason why I can't drive yet, I simply have never been able to afford it. From the age of 17 my wages have always gone on rent, bills, food etc. Then at 20 it went on having my baby too. I'm 26 now and I hate hate hate the fact I can't drive. I am finally in a position to be able to afford 1 lesson per week and I am completely petrified about it!!

I personally couldn’t be in a relationship with someone who didn’t drive, it shouldn’t be my responsibility to pay all of the money to learn, pass, buy a car, get insured, taxed and petrol to then give someone lifts because they ‘couldn’t be bothered’ or failed a couple times and gave up.

For some people it works though, if you live in the city it doesn’t always make financial sense to drive so I understand that, and of course medical reasons!

But for a lot of people I think it is just a tad lazy not to bother. People who never bothered tend to not realise how difficult it was learning to drive and to get a car.

I really think this depends on where you live/work, , I have friends who can drive and have had cars but don't now for various reasons, mostly they were finding the cost of taxing insuring a car with no easy parking meant car was sitting unused except for weekly shop, one is working abroad and cant face driving on wrong side of road, my DH has a friend that only learnt for his 40th birthday, passed test first time and has decided he's never getting behind the wheel again he says its too scary to ever have to take a right hand turn, my MIL doesn't drive and according to her family she wrecked more cars when they were kids and traumatised them all they were delighted she gave up, I have another friend that took 8 years of lessons and married her driving instructor!! still never got her licence, but she has really bad eyesight she wont admit to. honestly don't mind at all giving lifts when needed. Everyone has different talents, Even if you get licence doesn't mean you'll ever feel so confident you'd want to own a car and drive everywhere, seems an excessive luxury for a once a month work visit, personally i'd buy whoever gives you a lift an occasional thank you gift and they will be more than happy.

I don't have a partner either. I do have a DS. I see a lot of talk about "ferrying kids around" but both my parents drove and never took me anywhere as a teen, I had to make my own way there! DS can do the same. We don't live rural so not an issue.

I have a friend who doesn't drive. But she doesn't much like taking lifts from people either because she gets hideously car-sick.
She's also very dyspraxic, dyslexic and dyscalculic, so as she says herself, she'd be more of a nuisance on the road than not, and probably more of a danger to everyone around her.

I don't at all mind that she doesn't drive!

I had another friend years ago who had her first driving lessons on a very busy road, which was also a fairly steep hill, which scared the bejeezus out of her and made her disinclined to continue! No issue with her not driving either.

One boyfriend I had actually had a driver's licence but hadn't driven since he passed his test, because he lived in central London and had no need for a car. I took him to an unused carpark and let him drive my car to "get back into it" a few times. I think that would have annoyed me if he'd not bothered to continue (or if we'd stayed together) but he did get himself a car some time later when he moved out of London and drives all the time now.

I think often there are good reasons why people don't drive; but sometimes they just CBA and those are the ones who would irritate me.

Most of my friends from where I grew up don't drive/have only just in their mid 30s got a license. Public transport is prolific where they are, plus, buying, licensing, fuel etc was just too expensive for them/us ( I could only afford it because of my then fiance). My best friend doesn't drive as absolutely cannot afford to spare even the £25 per hour it costs to learn. It's crippling her, but there's nothing she can do about it as she's shackled to the area she's in. I certainly don't think any the less of them for it.