To ask you what you think of people who don't drive?

[Landtosea]

So I'm late in life to learning to drive for a variety of reasons, a lot of them to do with driving causing me quite a bit of anxiety. I don't generally tell people this is this the reason though.

So recently I got a new job and it was raised in the interview that I don't drive - driving wasn't listed as an essential criteria but it was asked as part of the application process. I still got the job but it was mentioned that I should start learning, which I have but it's going pretty slowly, unfortunately. As part of my job about once a month I have to go to a site which isn't easy to get to on public transport and if colleagues are going they always offer lifts, and I feel so embarrassed and wonder if they think I'm a total loser for not being able to drive. I try not to tell people if I don't have to as I'm really ashamed of it but obviously in this context it's not possible for me to hide it. My colleagues always offer and are really nice about it but they probably judge me or talk about it behind my back (or perhaps I'm just projecting). They get their mileage paid for by work but I know it's still annoying to drive others and they probably will get annoyed about it if I don't get my license soon.

I know a lot of people on this forum talk about CFs who always expect lifts but I hate getting them and will turn down social invitations saying I'm busy because I know people often feel obliged to offer lifts if I explain it'll be difficult/impossible to get there. I don't want to be seen as a sponge and although a lot of people say not driving doesn't inhibit them, it definitely does for me and I can't see how it doesn't for others - so many people's houses and activities aren't easily accessed by public transport unless you're in London.

What do you think of people who don't drive? Do you think less of them or am I just imagining it?

I feel sorry for them, not in a bad way more because I was someone who wouldn't drive. I learnt in my mid 20s and passed 3rd time at 26. I hated driving. Never felt confident and never got into the ha it of driving. It was something I felt a lot of anxiety over for many many years.

It's only really in the last couple of years since having DC2 that I've felt like I need to get over my anxiety and just do it. I drive once a week (not much to regular drivers, I know) and have been driving on motorways and so on again. It's feeling less alien to me now.

I felt awful not driving and relying on people to the extent that I very rarely accepted a lift because I felt like a burden. I walk as much as I can.

I see that driving is easier but I still had (have?) Anxiety about it.

I live rurally and it's severely limiting if you can't drive. DC learned as soon as possible. I have my leg in plaster and haven't been able to drive for six weeks. It's awful. I hate having to rely on others for lifts.

I do feel rotten that I can’t sometimes give DS a lift to school if it’s chucking it down or he is carrying tons of stuff. My house is near several schools but of course he was allocated one 2 miles away (with no handy bus route)

Interesting to see the range of responses on here! I definitely feel like less of an adult for not driving and I can see that a few people have said they view it that way so I guess I'm not surprised.

Maybe from the outside I look like someone who CBA driving but the truth is driving makes me incredibly anxious so you don't always know people's reasons. I am definitely trying my best to keep at it though as I hate feeling dependent on anyone and buses and trains in my area are ok from point A to point B but anywhere else, a pain in the behind.

It’s personally annoying to me as DH doesn’t drive, so I end up having to do party pick ups and do the big shop. I also obviously do all the driving on long journeys.

However, the payoff is that I can go places alone if I need to get away more easily. Day to day it’s not a big deal.

It's something I think is very empowering for women to have as a skill, and the thing I'm most glad that I learned. It's more valuable to me than my degree.

The phrase "don't drive" irritates me a bit when used by people who can't do it and are avoiding the word "can't" as opposed to those who have chosen not to but the distinction is hard to explain!

Honestly, I think it's a life skill like cooking or swimming, and I think everyone should learn unless they are unable to do so.

Even if someone lives in London or similar now and can get everywhere by tube, that might not be where they end up, and like everything in life, it's much harder to learn later on.

Driving isn't an essential criteria for my job either but it would be bloody hard if i couldn't drive. Where i work is very rural.

I don't judge other people who don't drive at all. However, I now live in a country with much less public transport than the UK and not being able to drive severely restricts a persons ability to function in society, as you could become very isolated or would spend a fortune on Uber/Lyft.

My parents died when I was a teenager and I did not learn to drive until I was in my 30s. I basically see it as a life skill that is extremely useful. I now have 3 teens and I made sure the eldest learnt to drive as soon as she could (she was also highly motivated). I am very glad that at almost 18 she is already very independent and can get herself wherever she needs to be. I was neglected as a teen and young adult and I want to make sure my own children gain life skills so they can be independent and successful.

The only people I know who can’t drive are some of my friends’ mums. There are 4 that I can think of. All are now widowed and have been driven around by their husbands their whole lives.

They are mid 70s-the same age as my mum, who has always driven, so it’s not an age thing-and are totally reliant on their children (my friends) for everything! They won’t get taxis as it’s too expensive but don’t like public transport.

I wouldn’t want to end up like that!

I didn't learn to drive until I was 28. I used to think people would think badly of me etc etc. I hated asking for a lift and would always use public transport. I also had to rely on people at work to give me lifts between places. No one ever said anything and no one ever had to go out of their way. It was easier once I was driving though. You'll get there with your driving. Don't give up and don't think too much of it. I never mind giving a non driver a lift. As long as they don't take the p.

Overrated. I'm 40 and never learnt, dp has a licence but has driven 5 times in his life. We live in London so we don't need it. If we go somewhere where is needed, we do a bit of planning (trains, book cabs, etc) and don't expect anyone to give us a lift.

I'm terrified of roads, but even if you're not - is not a basic need if you organise yourself.

Bring on the driverless cars...

I don't judge if someone doesn't drive, as they probably have perfectly good reasons like costs or if they live in a city never needed to - when I lived in London I certainly didn't bother with a car. I also think people who never learned because they are just too nervous & wouldn't cope behind the wheel are very sensible not to drive - much safer for everyone. I love driving & got my licence as soon as I was able to and am always happy to drive others as long as it isn't taken for granted. I would be perfectly happy to drive you in the situation you have described. Your colleagues wouldn't offer if they didn't want to do it and they get their mileage paid, so please don't worry, I am sure they are not talking behind your back.

It doesn't bother me at all as long as it doesn't personally inconvenience me.

Running a car - even a cheap one- is an expensive business as is passing your test and if you live somewhere with a good public transport network then its not necessary. Bugs me when people say its a life skill as its really not.

For your work - if they are requiring you to work in a different building or work between two offices then they should be covering the costs I would have thought? If that's not the situation I would be wary of taking advantage of your colleagues- always offer to take a cab if giving you a lift isn't convenient.

@saratustra if only everywhere were like London. It really isn't. No amount of organisation could allow me to do what i need to do without the ability to drive, without significant detriment to my time.

You never know where life and love will take you.

I've always lived in a city and now that I don't I definitely feel people around here think a bit less of me when they find out I don't drive. A lot of it is probably just surprise but I definitely feel they pity me a bit - I don't blame them as I feel pretty pathetic myself.

I feel bad getting a lift from colleagues as I can't reciprocate and DP doesn't really like driving so I try not to ask for lifts if I can avoid it.

I didn't learn to drive until my mid thirties. Until then I'd managed to go to work, go shopping with a pram/pushchair and one or two children, get to places like the doctors etc without constantly asking for lofts. I only asked for lifts in emergencies, like taking one of the children to a&e , when I wouldn't have driven myself even if I was able, as I would have been too concerned about my child to be a safe driver. Dh always did holiday driving etc. Once I learned, I decided I would always offer lifts and that I would do so gladly - despite me never asking friends for lifts anywhere, I often felt judged because I couldn't drive. I never judge anyone who doesn't drive, for whatever reason. I always offer lifts and will go significantly out of my way on occasions. I've never felt taken advantage of.

@HushabyeMountainGoat of course! I phrased that poorly. The need to drive is the main reason I don't leave London... I do think some people don't even consider that life is possible without a car though. My boss can't get over the fact I have a baby and no car!

I can drive but have severe driving anxiety. I can go to small local places but nowhere else. I don't think people think I'm a CF because I don't ask for lifts etc but I do think a lot of people don't understand my panic.

I don't think much about it, unless they are one of those annoying ones who always want a lift everywhere!

I feel sorry for people who don't drive because they can't, because we have created a society where it is very difficult to function without a car.

I certainly don't think "they have a responsibility not to live in a rural area" (or even a suburban one come to that). Life will be difficult for them if they do, but their responsibility is limited to not imposing their life choices on others.

I think people that don't drive but organise their lifestyle accordingly, ie walk/cycle/swim everywhere or are very comfortable with public transport are great. Those who expect lifts from driving colleagues are CF.

It does however annoy me that some very capable youngsters of late teens early 20s are unable to apply for respected professions like the police or fire brigade as a full driving licence is a pre-requesite. This is in a way discrimination against poor people as learning to drive is bloody expensive and these days and at that age practically impossible to achieve if you are from a low income family.

I actually know someone who can drive, but chooses not to, and she always wants a lift - but wants the lift at a time that's convenient for her. For example, going to a mutual friend's wedding in a rural location - she wants a lift but wants us to leave 4 hours earlier than we need to so that she can be there on time to help the bride with something. Sigh.

You can say you don’t drive even if you can’t!
Drivers don’t get to dictate how non drivers ( for whatever reason ) want to describe their status.
I drive. My choice.
Don’t mind giving lifts.