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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel attracted to someone unattractive

336 replies

AmIBeingRealistic · 31/08/2018 00:44

I was walking home one day past this guy, who I don’t know. Let’s call him A. A was well groomed, wearing suit and tie, clean shaven, etc. I looked at him, but didn’t feel attracted to him. He is not remotely attractive and most people would rate him a 3/10.

A few weeks later, I walked past an office and saw A playing with his son. I noticed him looking at me but didn’t think much else. Two days later, I was surprised to find out that A was in fact a respected member in the community. He gives lots of seminars and weekly talks on self development, life, etc. I’ve heard his name mentioned many times before by friends that attend and recommend his talks, but never seen or paid that much attention to him. He is also divorced and a single father.

So I decide to look up his talks on FB, and get hooked. His knowledge, confidence and personality shines throughout. After listening to so many talks, I felt extremely attracted to A and felt like I could look past his looks.

He is pale, bony, has chipped tooth, slightly hunched back and health complications. As weird as it sounds, I see him as a 10/10 look wise. I feel desire towards him and butterflies in my stomach when watching his videos. I even saw one video with a panel discussion, where there were around another 5 men along with him, and he appeared to be the least attractive of them all. There were two handsome panel speakers, but I didn’t feel anything towards them, but felt a burning sensation of desire and attraction towards A.

I am really thinking of getting things started with A. He shares custody between his ex wife. I have no kids myself, but willing to be a stepmother to young kids. I’ve never considered single dads previously, but now I’m willing to accept it without question.

Before I persue this, I want to know if it’s possible to sustain a relationship in the long term with someone who you initially viewed as unattractive. I’m now in a, you can call it honeymoon sort of phase, but when reality sets in, what will possibly happen? Will I just see A as the initial 3/10 and feel unsatisfied?

Is anyone here in a relationship with a partner who is unattractive, but they feel extremely attracted to them? AIBU to think you it’s possible to feel intense attraction towards an unattractive person?

OP posts:
MerryInthechelseahotel · 31/08/2018 00:48

Is he getting a say in this or is it totally up to you? Grin

partydownseason2 · 31/08/2018 00:48

Have you spoken to him?

MerryInthechelseahotel · 31/08/2018 00:50

Is anyone here in a relationship with a partner who is unattractive?

No but I was in a relationship with a narcissist who thought he was a 10/10 or more and that wasn't nice

southnownorth · 31/08/2018 00:50

Crikey I am picturing the hunchback of Nostradamus OP. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If you like him then go for it.

MrsAHotch · 31/08/2018 00:51

I’d be fucking gutted if someone ever spoke about me like this! I’m sure we’re all attractive to someone out there, beauty is subjective and definitely not the be all and end all of attraction.

unlimiteddilutingjuice · 31/08/2018 00:53

Yes, sometimes attraction can grow over time. Sometimes you can be attracted to attributes other than looks. Maybe get to know this guy and see how it goes?

TheHeartOfTafiti · 31/08/2018 00:54

Well attraction is about more than the visual and clearly you consider this bloke to be very charismatic which is an extremely attractive attribute. Perfectly normal, just accept you find him attractive, you don't have to labour how unattractive other people might think he is!

I do think you're infatuated in a bit of a strange way though - he's a stranger who once looked at you, and you're already thinking about how you will stepmother his children - that's a bit much don't you think?!

Dieu · 31/08/2018 00:55

This all sounds a bit nuts, no offence Grin

I get the impression that you haven't actually spoken to him in real life, but stalk him through his videos (to be fair, something I would do!), and are already talking about step-parenting his child!

One step at a time, OP!

gluteustothemaximus · 31/08/2018 00:55

What if he doesn't find you attractive? Grin

I like the way you've married him and become step mum to his child already Grin

YourVagesty · 31/08/2018 00:56
Grin

Maybe you're not his type OP? You haven't seemed to have considered this?

BakedBeans47 · 31/08/2018 00:59

Wow, it’s almost like there’s more to finding a partner appealing than looks. Hmm

Anxious2niteaaah · 31/08/2018 00:59

Have you ever stopped to consider he may not be attracted to you?..he may think you are 3/10

You sound almost stalkerish for someone he has never talked to...

There's the possibility you ask him out and he may think it's weird a random stranger who he has never met before showing this level of interest in him and knowing so much about his personal life when he had never spoken to you...

You do seem very shallow to be fixated on looks though, he deserves to be with someone who sees him as a 10/10 in their eyes and doesn't slag off his appearance online for anyone to read

Original poster
AmIBeingRealistic · 31/08/2018 01:01

He looked at me with admiration the second time he saw me. I will speak to him soon.

OP posts:
itsBritneyBeach · 31/08/2018 01:02

GrinGrinGrin

Anxious2niteaaah · 31/08/2018 01:02

I also agree with the others that you sound nuts talking about parenting his child as a step mum....don't you think if a complete stranger says to him they want to be his kids step mum.that he and his ex will have red flags flashing galore and wont let you anywhere near their child...

Op your behaviour is not.normal, it's obsessive, if this was a man talking about a woman everyone would.be reacting a lot stronger and harsher

Buzzlightyearsbumchin · 31/08/2018 01:05

You can't ever talk to him, you know too much, when you let slip you know his custody arrangements and what he has for dinner on wednesdays he will back away slowly from the creepy stalker lady Grin

MrsAHotch · 31/08/2018 01:05

I’m sorry but I have to agree with the strangeness of it all.

You weren’t attracted to him, but were once to figured out who he was, swooned over him playing with his child and watched his video. Fair enough. But the great consideration you are now bestowing upon him to now be open to being a stepmother and being with a divorced man? I’ve come up with some pretty far fetched scenarios when daydreaming but this is beyond even me.

MountainPeakGeek · 31/08/2018 01:06

You sound a bit creepy to be honest. It really comes across as a stalker-type obsession, rather than a normal attraction.

AlexaAmbidextra · 31/08/2018 01:07

He looked at me with admiration the second time he saw me.

😂😂😂

Laufey · 31/08/2018 01:08
Grin 3/10 to you could be a 10/10 to someone else OP. I'm curious to know how this will turn out Grin
MrsAHotch · 31/08/2018 01:14

I swear if he doesn’t rip off his 3/10 mask and turn out to have been hiding his true 10/10 self underneath, just waiting for his true love to come along and love him for who he is and not what he looks like, this thread will have had a very unsatisfactory conclusion.

GhostPerfume · 31/08/2018 01:19

Maybe he was admiring you for being outside in public with your 2/10 looks.

Sparklyfee · 31/08/2018 01:19

Sorry....crying at hunchback of Nostradamus Grin

ThistleAmore · 31/08/2018 01:20

You sound really creepy, TBH.

tostartpressanykey · 31/08/2018 01:21

How do you know it was admiration? Maybe you had food on your face.