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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel attracted to someone unattractive

336 replies

AmIBeingRealistic · 31/08/2018 00:44

I was walking home one day past this guy, who I don’t know. Let’s call him A. A was well groomed, wearing suit and tie, clean shaven, etc. I looked at him, but didn’t feel attracted to him. He is not remotely attractive and most people would rate him a 3/10.

A few weeks later, I walked past an office and saw A playing with his son. I noticed him looking at me but didn’t think much else. Two days later, I was surprised to find out that A was in fact a respected member in the community. He gives lots of seminars and weekly talks on self development, life, etc. I’ve heard his name mentioned many times before by friends that attend and recommend his talks, but never seen or paid that much attention to him. He is also divorced and a single father.

So I decide to look up his talks on FB, and get hooked. His knowledge, confidence and personality shines throughout. After listening to so many talks, I felt extremely attracted to A and felt like I could look past his looks.

He is pale, bony, has chipped tooth, slightly hunched back and health complications. As weird as it sounds, I see him as a 10/10 look wise. I feel desire towards him and butterflies in my stomach when watching his videos. I even saw one video with a panel discussion, where there were around another 5 men along with him, and he appeared to be the least attractive of them all. There were two handsome panel speakers, but I didn’t feel anything towards them, but felt a burning sensation of desire and attraction towards A.

I am really thinking of getting things started with A. He shares custody between his ex wife. I have no kids myself, but willing to be a stepmother to young kids. I’ve never considered single dads previously, but now I’m willing to accept it without question.

Before I persue this, I want to know if it’s possible to sustain a relationship in the long term with someone who you initially viewed as unattractive. I’m now in a, you can call it honeymoon sort of phase, but when reality sets in, what will possibly happen? Will I just see A as the initial 3/10 and feel unsatisfied?

Is anyone here in a relationship with a partner who is unattractive, but they feel extremely attracted to them? AIBU to think you it’s possible to feel intense attraction towards an unattractive person?

OP posts:
S0upertrooper · 31/08/2018 08:18

How do you rate your own looks out of 10 OP?

ChocolateDoll · 31/08/2018 08:18

Are you writing a book or something?

OutPinked · 31/08/2018 08:19

Crikey I am picturing the hunchback of Nostradamus OP Grin

This is hilarious. I’ve heard some pretty absurd things on this forum but this takes the Biscuit. Imagining being a stepmum to a guy you’ve never met’s child... wow.

user1457017537 · 31/08/2018 08:19

Pmsl at the comments from posters Smile

hmmwhatatodo · 31/08/2018 08:23

Urgh. How can you even consider someone who’s 3/10? Have some respect fo’yo’ self gurl!

P.S Yes, you’re being unrealistic and downright stoopid. Now, tell us more about your rating system. How do you rate yourself? I think .... a 10?

BlessedBeTheFruitCake · 31/08/2018 08:23

Poor bloke he deserves someone better tbh.

marvellousnightforamooncup · 31/08/2018 08:23

[Contemplates Hunchbackofnostradamus as new username] Grin

daisychain01 · 31/08/2018 08:25

Not sure why people are being sarcastic towards me, not nice

Maybe it's because of your shallow mentality of equating this man's worth as a human being to what he looks like. And the social media stalking is not a good look either. The fact you are totally unaware of how you come across is worrying.

Writing him off as being "unattractive" is a first world disease, due to excessive Reality tv shows and too much focus on looks.

harriethoyle · 31/08/2018 08:26

Is OP Samantha Brick?!

PositiveVibez · 31/08/2018 08:27

He looked at me with admiration the second time he saw me

Are you sure he wasn't farting?

However the:

I will speak to him soon

Sounds rather menacing, but it is good that you are willing to be a step-mother to the children he has shared custody of. Bravo.

kaytee87 · 31/08/2018 08:29

Are you sure he wasn't farting?

😂😂😂😂😂

WhatAPandemonium · 31/08/2018 08:29

This is so funny!

OP, I think you're jumping the gun slightly with your assumption that you can just start things up with him whenever you fancy.

For all you know, he could be in a relationship. He might think you're a minger. Who knows? But please report back!

Golde · 31/08/2018 08:29

I'm hoping for a fairytale ending. Please let us know once you speak to him.

QueenoftheNights · 31/08/2018 08:30

How old are you? Are you waiting to go back to school after the summer hols?

Honestly, to leap from seeing a guy in the street and then saying you'd be happy to be a step mum to his kids in bonkers. I hope you can see you are in the realms of fantasy.

This sounds like a teenage crush. Get some reality into it! Why would he want you?
Has that ever crossed your mind?

Sorry but you sound incredibly immature.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 31/08/2018 08:30

There's a difference between being good looking and being attractive.
I would say I wasn't remotely "pretty" when younger (Ive slightly improved with age!) but I was attractive. Personality counts for a lot.

daisychain01 · 31/08/2018 08:31

I'd love to know how the OP magically found out this random bloke's name.

They walked past him in the street.

Then some time later they saw him with his son.

Then a few weeks later they "found out" the man's name and was able to stalk him on social media.

Riiiight..

QueenoftheNights · 31/08/2018 08:34

but felt a burning sensation of desire and attraction towards A.

I think you'd get a low-ish grade for this in a creative writing exercise. More effort needed.

WhipItGood · 31/08/2018 08:34

I’m wondering how the look of admiration went..

nice

Lookatyourwatchnow · 31/08/2018 08:35

Op you sound like you have limerance.

Also this reminds me of Eleanor Oliphant is completely fine

LightastheBreeze · 31/08/2018 08:37

Health complications, how do you know this or just guessing from the hump back

harriethoyle · 31/08/2018 08:39

Lololol @WhipItGood 🤣

blueshoes · 31/08/2018 08:42

How would you rate your writing technique?

hazell42 · 31/08/2018 08:43

Oh boy.
I hope he is properly grateful that you have lowered your standards enough to see past his ugliness.
Good for you.
Give that woman a Nobel Prize. Or a sainthood.

IgglePigglesAnnoyingGiggle · 31/08/2018 08:43

I admittedly haven't read the whole thread but has OP stated at all what she rates herself out of 10?

I have a friend like this, who occasionally dates guys she feels are below her looks wise. She can never understand why they dump her when she's so much better looking than them.

OP if you are a 10/10 looks wise you might want to consider how you'd rate your personality as uggos have usually spent so long dating other uggos that they tend to look past appearance and focus more on personality.

AtrociousCircumstance · 31/08/2018 08:44

So you saw him and thought he was very unappealing.

But then you learned that he is successful and has status and suddenly he became an option.

You haven’t even spoken to him. All this tells us is that you heavily value looks, but you value status and wealth more. It’s all so painfully superficial.

I think he may see right through someone like that OP.

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