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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel attracted to someone unattractive

336 replies

AmIBeingRealistic · 31/08/2018 00:44

I was walking home one day past this guy, who I don’t know. Let’s call him A. A was well groomed, wearing suit and tie, clean shaven, etc. I looked at him, but didn’t feel attracted to him. He is not remotely attractive and most people would rate him a 3/10.

A few weeks later, I walked past an office and saw A playing with his son. I noticed him looking at me but didn’t think much else. Two days later, I was surprised to find out that A was in fact a respected member in the community. He gives lots of seminars and weekly talks on self development, life, etc. I’ve heard his name mentioned many times before by friends that attend and recommend his talks, but never seen or paid that much attention to him. He is also divorced and a single father.

So I decide to look up his talks on FB, and get hooked. His knowledge, confidence and personality shines throughout. After listening to so many talks, I felt extremely attracted to A and felt like I could look past his looks.

He is pale, bony, has chipped tooth, slightly hunched back and health complications. As weird as it sounds, I see him as a 10/10 look wise. I feel desire towards him and butterflies in my stomach when watching his videos. I even saw one video with a panel discussion, where there were around another 5 men along with him, and he appeared to be the least attractive of them all. There were two handsome panel speakers, but I didn’t feel anything towards them, but felt a burning sensation of desire and attraction towards A.

I am really thinking of getting things started with A. He shares custody between his ex wife. I have no kids myself, but willing to be a stepmother to young kids. I’ve never considered single dads previously, but now I’m willing to accept it without question.

Before I persue this, I want to know if it’s possible to sustain a relationship in the long term with someone who you initially viewed as unattractive. I’m now in a, you can call it honeymoon sort of phase, but when reality sets in, what will possibly happen? Will I just see A as the initial 3/10 and feel unsatisfied?

Is anyone here in a relationship with a partner who is unattractive, but they feel extremely attracted to them? AIBU to think you it’s possible to feel intense attraction towards an unattractive person?

OP posts:
ashtrayheart · 31/08/2018 01:24

Hopefully he's a good judge of character...

Aquamarine1029 · 31/08/2018 01:28

True, real attraction has nothing to do with looks. Honestly, you sound like an ignorant school girl.

TwoBlueShoes · 31/08/2018 01:34

How are you going to approach him, OP?

TwoBlueShoes · 31/08/2018 01:35

Ps. he might be a player. Some guys are not conventionally attractive, but still have a certain something that attracts women. Just be careful, he might give a lot of women admiring looks.

AmIBeingRealistic · 31/08/2018 01:41

Thanks

OP posts:
Jackietheduck · 31/08/2018 01:44

You are attracted to his social standing and for want of a better word his power. It is common. I was once in a relationship like that. The guy was not my 'type' but I liked his personality (initially)) and went on a few dates. During the first few dates, I found out he was a 'public' figure (but not somebody I had known). With every new thing I learned, he became more attractive and I became shallower. We dated for a few months and I later realised that women of a certain 'childbreeding' age are more attractive to partners they think would make good fathers than focusing entirely on physical attraction as younger women might do.

delphguelph · 31/08/2018 01:44

What do you look like, OP?

delphguelph · 31/08/2018 01:46

don't say baba vanga

AmIBeingRealistic · 31/08/2018 01:47

Sorry previous reply got cut off. Thanks to the serious replies. Not sure why people are being sarcastic towards me, not nice.

@TwoBlueShoes
Not conventionally attractive- That’s what I meant by the 3/10. I apologise to anyone how I worded it was offensive. It wasn’t my intention. I only got 3 hours of sleep last night, so fatigued.

I was thinking of going to his talks, speaking to him at the end of it and taking things from there. I have a friend that knows him personally, her kids and his kids are friends and go to the same sporting events. I might tag along with her, when she sees him. Is that a good idea?

OP posts:
lasttimeround · 31/08/2018 01:53

Weirdly i really hope h3 finds you unattractive and wont chabge hid mind. Cos well...

TheClaws · 31/08/2018 01:54

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 31/08/2018 01:57

Is anyone here in a relationship with a partner who is unattractive, but they feel extremely attracted to them?

No. Everyone is in relationships with astonishing attractive, breathtakingly beautiful people.

Your approach to relationships is odd, OP. If I heard a man talk about a woman like this, I'd be fairly pissed off with them, frankly.

Monty27 · 31/08/2018 02:00

He might find you unattractive OP even if you are conventionally good looking. It won't take him long to see what you are about.

Sunflowersforever · 31/08/2018 02:02

Hi. I saw you looking at me, over your hump, with admiration. Despite your bad looks, your chipped tooth smile has won me over. I'm now willing to be a parent to your child. Wanna meet?

Sounds of footsteps fading fast into the distance Wink

Goostacean · 31/08/2018 02:07

This thread has really tickled me.

Go to one of his talks and say hi afterwards, OP. Might be a bit odd to show up near his kids when you don’t have any of your own...

liverbird10 · 31/08/2018 02:12

Grin What on earth..!?

ThistleAmore · 31/08/2018 02:34

Not sure why people are being sarcastic towards me, not nice.

Possibly because because you sound like a judgey stalker? I don't know, maybe I'm just old-fashioned.

prettygreywalls · 31/08/2018 02:41

Either you are a judgemental stalker or you come from a different culture / background where such attitudes are acceptable
It all sounds a bit odd to me

SilverySurfer · 31/08/2018 03:15

I love the Hunchback of Nostradamus - I'm sure the Hunchback of Notre Dame will be disappointed to learn he has competition Grin

Get the church booked OP, sounds like his luck is in utterly bonkers

JackReacherReader · 31/08/2018 03:17
Grin
cafenoirbiscuit · 31/08/2018 03:19

Sounds like the back of a Mills and Boon book

erinaceus · 31/08/2018 03:27

People who give talks on self development and life can appear to be charismatic like this. I agree with another poster who said that it sounds like an infatuation - see limerence.

Monty27 · 31/08/2018 03:27

Perhaps if you kiss him he will morph into a prince Hmm

RavenLG · 31/08/2018 03:32

Not sure why people are being sarcastic towards me
Because you've created an entire fantasy world, and think this lunacy will be reciprocated because he "looked at me with admiration the second time he saw me" looked at me once
Bonkers.

Emmageddon · 31/08/2018 03:43

He looked at you with admiration once and subsequently you've stalked him online and decided he's The One. Not only that, you're planning your step-mothering of his children...do you realise how scary you sound?