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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel attracted to someone unattractive

336 replies

AmIBeingRealistic · 31/08/2018 00:44

I was walking home one day past this guy, who I don’t know. Let’s call him A. A was well groomed, wearing suit and tie, clean shaven, etc. I looked at him, but didn’t feel attracted to him. He is not remotely attractive and most people would rate him a 3/10.

A few weeks later, I walked past an office and saw A playing with his son. I noticed him looking at me but didn’t think much else. Two days later, I was surprised to find out that A was in fact a respected member in the community. He gives lots of seminars and weekly talks on self development, life, etc. I’ve heard his name mentioned many times before by friends that attend and recommend his talks, but never seen or paid that much attention to him. He is also divorced and a single father.

So I decide to look up his talks on FB, and get hooked. His knowledge, confidence and personality shines throughout. After listening to so many talks, I felt extremely attracted to A and felt like I could look past his looks.

He is pale, bony, has chipped tooth, slightly hunched back and health complications. As weird as it sounds, I see him as a 10/10 look wise. I feel desire towards him and butterflies in my stomach when watching his videos. I even saw one video with a panel discussion, where there were around another 5 men along with him, and he appeared to be the least attractive of them all. There were two handsome panel speakers, but I didn’t feel anything towards them, but felt a burning sensation of desire and attraction towards A.

I am really thinking of getting things started with A. He shares custody between his ex wife. I have no kids myself, but willing to be a stepmother to young kids. I’ve never considered single dads previously, but now I’m willing to accept it without question.

Before I persue this, I want to know if it’s possible to sustain a relationship in the long term with someone who you initially viewed as unattractive. I’m now in a, you can call it honeymoon sort of phase, but when reality sets in, what will possibly happen? Will I just see A as the initial 3/10 and feel unsatisfied?

Is anyone here in a relationship with a partner who is unattractive, but they feel extremely attracted to them? AIBU to think you it’s possible to feel intense attraction towards an unattractive person?

OP posts:
ApproachingATunnel · 31/08/2018 20:07

You have issues and sound like a stalker. In your head you are marrying this guy whilst in reality he doesn’t even know you!

showtime7 · 31/08/2018 20:54

I have laughed so much reading this thread that a little bit of wee has come out of me 😅😅😅😅

Bluewoohoo · 31/08/2018 20:55
Grin
Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 31/08/2018 20:58

Nice of you to share that, showtime

didyouseetheflaresinthesky · 31/08/2018 21:11

I have a crush on someone who isn't conventionally attractive. I wasn't attracted to him until I knew him. Then when I knew he was warm and kind and funny that was when I started liking his looks.

showtime7 · 31/08/2018 21:11

Sorry, but it is just so weirdly funny.

VanillaSugary · 31/08/2018 21:22

You can ring my 🛎 🛎 🛎
Ring my bell
My bell ring ring ring ring IT

VanillaSugary · 31/08/2018 21:24

I still need to say that Notre Dame and Nostradamus are completely different things.

VanillaSugary · 31/08/2018 23:04

Nopoooooooooooo

iklboo · 31/08/2018 23:26

I still need to say that Notre Dame and Nostradamus are completely different things

Yes we know. It's a joke borne from a typo we've all run with.

Tomatoesrock · 01/09/2018 01:01

I have caught up on this thread from earlier, Although it has lots of you laughing and even one peeing. It is reminding me of the loose women scenario, the name calling, laughing, You have no idea of OP is a troll or maybe not NT or could have MH issues.

HunchbackofNostradamus · 01/09/2018 02:02

I still need to say that Notre Dame and Nostradamus are completely different things.

So you mean I've been hunching over in completely the wrong place so far?!

TwoBlueShoes · 01/09/2018 02:35

To be fair, saying you have no idea if the OP is a troll, she may have MH issues is hardly the kindest thing to say. 😂

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 01/09/2018 02:40

Well I for one think A is a bloody lucky fella 😂

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 01/09/2018 02:41

Hang on, I think she’s describing my dh😳

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 01/09/2018 02:46

Just wanted to add that my DH looks like a baboons ring piece, but to me..........he’s perfect.
Get a fucking grip on yourself op! I’ve never heard such a pile of patronising old shite!

Kittykat93 · 01/09/2018 06:38

A baboons ring piece GrinGrin

Jimdandy · 01/09/2018 06:41

Attraction is hugely subjective.

If we all liked the same, hardly anyone would ever be attractive to others.

NicoAndTheNiners · 01/09/2018 06:56

There are people on Mumsnet who have in the past confessed to lusting after Jeremy Clarkson and I reckon he’s a 3/10 max in the looks dept so you’re not on your own OP.

Dothedamnthang · 01/09/2018 07:01

I have nothing new to add but -am now invested in this bizarre love story and- would like to hear what you decide to do, OP.

Angelf1sh · 01/09/2018 07:40

How can he be unattractive if you’re attracted to him?

LynetteScavo · 01/09/2018 07:55

Well, you could get him out in the sun so he's not so pale, feed him up so he's not so bony, and get him to a dentist to have cosmetic work in his teeth.

You could also get him a gym membership so he can build some muscles.

He will of course go along with all of this because he admires you so much.

viques · 01/09/2018 08:20

lynetteScavo that is very short sighted advice if you don't mind me saying so, poor OP would never get a wink of sleep again because every woman in the land would be lusting and stalking after Nostrodamous because she would have taken him from a Clarkson to a Clooney. Even his ex wife would be reconsidering her options......

In the olden days all you had to do (if you were a woman that is, and in a movie) was take off your glasses and shake your hair free to zoom up the tinder tree of loveliness, so unfair that now you have to go to the gym, go to the dentist, get a decent haircut, get a tan...........

steff13 · 01/09/2018 08:31

Benedict Cumberbatch isn't conventionally attractive, but the things I would do to that man...

BillywilliamV · 01/09/2018 08:34

Surely if you're attracted to something then it is automatically defined as attractive?