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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel attracted to someone unattractive

336 replies

AmIBeingRealistic · 31/08/2018 00:44

I was walking home one day past this guy, who I don’t know. Let’s call him A. A was well groomed, wearing suit and tie, clean shaven, etc. I looked at him, but didn’t feel attracted to him. He is not remotely attractive and most people would rate him a 3/10.

A few weeks later, I walked past an office and saw A playing with his son. I noticed him looking at me but didn’t think much else. Two days later, I was surprised to find out that A was in fact a respected member in the community. He gives lots of seminars and weekly talks on self development, life, etc. I’ve heard his name mentioned many times before by friends that attend and recommend his talks, but never seen or paid that much attention to him. He is also divorced and a single father.

So I decide to look up his talks on FB, and get hooked. His knowledge, confidence and personality shines throughout. After listening to so many talks, I felt extremely attracted to A and felt like I could look past his looks.

He is pale, bony, has chipped tooth, slightly hunched back and health complications. As weird as it sounds, I see him as a 10/10 look wise. I feel desire towards him and butterflies in my stomach when watching his videos. I even saw one video with a panel discussion, where there were around another 5 men along with him, and he appeared to be the least attractive of them all. There were two handsome panel speakers, but I didn’t feel anything towards them, but felt a burning sensation of desire and attraction towards A.

I am really thinking of getting things started with A. He shares custody between his ex wife. I have no kids myself, but willing to be a stepmother to young kids. I’ve never considered single dads previously, but now I’m willing to accept it without question.

Before I persue this, I want to know if it’s possible to sustain a relationship in the long term with someone who you initially viewed as unattractive. I’m now in a, you can call it honeymoon sort of phase, but when reality sets in, what will possibly happen? Will I just see A as the initial 3/10 and feel unsatisfied?

Is anyone here in a relationship with a partner who is unattractive, but they feel extremely attracted to them? AIBU to think you it’s possible to feel intense attraction towards an unattractive person?

OP posts:
B00ps · 31/08/2018 03:47

😁😁😁😁
So funny.
Good work op.

3luckystars · 31/08/2018 03:49

People can grow on you.

But this all seems a bit quick though, you have gone from 0 (having never spoken to him and thinking he is as ugly as sin) to being his biggest fan (wanting to be stepmother to his children, watching footage of him and him giving you the throb)

Is this the reason you haven’t slept?

It sounds like you have a case of Limerence and this poor fella doesn’t have a clue what’s coming.

3luckystars · 31/08/2018 03:54

Just rereading your post again:

Is he is part of some weird group that practices mind control or does spells? Do you think he targeted you and made you fall in love with him?

He is gone from a 3 to a 10. Maybe it’s a love potion!

KC225 · 31/08/2018 04:25

Love. They'll be no resting crossed hands on his hump - I think he's gay.

elfies · 31/08/2018 04:37

Who do you think you are ...Miss world ?
For all you know he was looking at you with pity.

thepoweroflove · 31/08/2018 04:48

That'll be it 3luckystars Grin

Erm OP he's a charismatic guy, with a good reputation (as most charismatic people have, but doesn't mean they're genuine - dictators and cult leaders are charismatic people usually, which brings them the following)

I expect the look of admiration was akin to the pied piper playing his pipes so you will dance to his tune and follow him.

But I don't think he's in love with you, sorry. Charismatic people are charmers by nature... and men often players/flirts

WhippetyStourie · 31/08/2018 05:12

Sunflowersforever 🤣🤣🤣

MarthasGinYard · 31/08/2018 05:15

Perhaps you can be his Esmeralda

safetyfreak · 31/08/2018 05:19

Male troll. Sounds like an PUA (pick up artist) who rate women by numbers etc.

Blondielongie · 31/08/2018 05:19

@Sunflowersforever Grin

Westbury · 31/08/2018 05:40

You sound very unkind. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who could ‘see past’ my unattractiveness.

LittleBookofCalm · 31/08/2018 05:55

you are besotted with his facebook profile

Emmageddon · 31/08/2018 05:58

Are there female PUAs or is it specifically a male occupation?

Either way, the OP sounds very superficial and judgemental.

JacNaylor · 31/08/2018 06:11

Well.... he might rate you as a 2/10 then as a 3/10 he'd be out of your league.

pigeondujour · 31/08/2018 06:17

Unfortunately OP I think Shane Macgowan has a partner...

SerenDippitty · 31/08/2018 06:30

You went from saying he is “not remotely attractive” in your OP to “not conventionally attractive” later. That’s a bit of a leap. Given he is divorced someone has clearly found him attractive in the past. You’re not the first one.

My DH is attractive to me. That is all that matters.

Cupoteap · 31/08/2018 06:34

@Sunflowersforever 😂

FurryDice · 31/08/2018 06:37

Jesus.who made you judge and jury of what is objectively attractive?

Feel sorry for the guy if you you think you’re doing him a favour by being attracted to him.

LyndorCake · 31/08/2018 06:38

What's wrong with being pale?

BamboofordinnerAgain · 31/08/2018 06:40

Two days later, I was surprised to find out that A was in fact a respected member in the community.
Surprised because? All the respected members in my community are a 2 or less. I’m imagining a town with gorgeous local councillors knocking on doors wooing the ladies, and vicars with perfect, unchipped teeth. Wanting to move there now...

ForeverJung · 31/08/2018 06:42

Shane mcgowam does have a v attractive successful partner
I once dated a man i thought ws ugly.
He had no socisl standing eithr. We really connected. We had a good rapport so when i looked at him i saw him. Not just his face.

Needahairbrush · 31/08/2018 06:43

Well.... he might rate you as a 2/10 then as a 3/10 he'd be out of your league

This ^^

Funny OP 😂

Saffy60 · 31/08/2018 06:44

He looked at me in a nice way, so I have stalked him on line and mined all the info I can find What??? You have stalked him! You don't think he is attractive but feel you could do him a favour and give him a try anyway...... Generous stalker....

crazydoglady6867 · 31/08/2018 06:44

I hope he knocks you back, when you do finally persue thisAngry

OldGreyBoots · 31/08/2018 06:44

This might be the weirdest thing I've ever read. Well done OP.

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