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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

school trip

408 replies

sunshineNdaisies · 30/08/2018 17:11

DD is in her final year of primary school here in Scotland and every year they go on a residential trip. I don't want DD to go. DH thinks she should. She's 10, not 11 til end of January.

It's for 5 days, mon-fri at an outdoor education centre. They will be doing things in all weathers like canoeing, abseiling, walks, cycling etc. I've looked up the venue and it's 6 kids to a room, shared toilets/showers, middle of nowhere. The food menu example is all things my DD will hate. No vending machines, no mobile phones allowed, no calls to parents, not allowed to bring own sweets.

It'll be mid November - so very likely to be rainy, cold, windy, lots of midgies.

I know my DD. She's not outdoorsy at all. If there's no food she likes, she wont eat or survive on bread and butter. She will hate the rain, wind etc. She thinks she can take her phone so she can call us - she can't. I can see her being very homesick and upset. Two of the three teachers in charge are teachers that neither DD or myself like. Also, I fully expect my DD to start her periods soon, all the signs are there.

DD says she wants to go but this is because 'all her friends are going'. The cost is £320 and I'd much rather spend this money doing something that DD will actually enjoy, not spending that money only for DD to come home in tears which I'm 99% certain will happen.

DH and his parents think I should let her go for 'the experience' and 'she might end up liking it'. I'm being made to feel like a big baddy.

Also what can I do with DD during that week instead as DH has no annual leave left for us to take her somewhere else.

OP posts:
PlatypusPie · 30/08/2018 17:55

You lost me at ‘No vending machines’ as if that was some kind of major deprivation.

notsohippychick · 30/08/2018 17:55

You don’t know she’ll hate it!!! Talk about protection!!

Is YOUR problem. YOU don’t want her to go. For whatever reason. How do you expect her to flourish if you are so negative about new experiences??????

EssentialHummus · 30/08/2018 17:58

I was very much like your DD (and with very overprotective parents!) and enjoyed the equivalent when I went at age 10/11. Sure some of the food etc wasn’t something I’d have chosen again, but it was fine. And totally worth it for the experience - even though I was terrified in advance st the thought of abseiling and orienteering.

Hoppinggreen · 30/08/2018 17:59

My son didn’t want to go on his year 4 residential but we encouraged him to as it was character building, he would miss out etc etc
He absolutely hated every moment of it and even his teacher admitted that with hindsight he probably shouldn’t have gone
He wasn’t especially homesick but he didn’t like sharing a room, hated the lack of sleep, the food and had no interest in any of the activities except the canoeing. He wasn’t cryimg or anything he was just quietly unhappy. There ARE some kids who are just not into that sort of thing
There is a year 6 one so we will see if he goes, I hope so and we will encourage him but if not then I’m fine with it

Happyhippy45 · 30/08/2018 18:00

I had the same feeling when my DS had his school trip.
Picky eater who also had massive melt downs if hungry. The food on the menu was not to his taste at all really.
Not a fan of outdoor pursuits/being out of his comfort zone.
He had a good time though. He didn't love most of it but he took part and liked pretty much all of it......even the food "was actually pretty good." He came home tired with a rucksack full of dirty clothes and lots of funny stories to tell. He was also getting bullied by a few boys in his class but being in a new environment it stopped for the trip.
Let her go. She might surprise you and herself!

Hoppinggreen · 30/08/2018 18:00

Also, deep down I knew that DS wouldn’t enjoy it but I was very positive about the whole thing but as the person who knows him best I wasn’t in the slightest bit surprised he didn’t like it

Brandnewstart · 30/08/2018 18:00

I think whatever we say you’re not going to let her go... I do agree with everyone else that it will be a great experience for her. My eldest went at the same age and managed fine despite his additional needs (coordination issues and ADHD). He is also a fussy eater due to sensory issues. He wanted to go so I encouraged him although it was really hard as his issues make me over protective.

loubeylou68smellsofreindeerpoo · 30/08/2018 18:01

Both mine went on their residential trips, the only tears were mine (a snotty mess when I dropped the first one off ) my daughter had already started her period beforehand but the teachers were informed so she had a go to teacher if she needed anything (not the first or last to have this on residential)
If she gets too homesick they will ring you.
Both of mine loved it, came back filthy and shattered but so happy.
She will regret not trying it

Original poster
sunshineNdaisies · 30/08/2018 18:03

Would they have to put their own sheets, duvet and pillow covers on? I don't think DD or even any of her friends would do that easily? She can tidy her bed but making it needs me to help her.

OP posts:
BurritoSquad · 30/08/2018 18:04

I'm not in Scotland but live near enough that I went on a trip to Dalguise in year 6 . I'm 25 now and still remember it ! It was really amazing and gave me the chance to do things that my parents never would've been able to afford for us to do as a family.
I have an 8 year old and I'm the most 'helicopter' parent there is but honestly I would let her go .

budgiegirl · 30/08/2018 18:04

Let her go if she wants to go. Even if she doesn’t like it all, there are almost sure to be parts of it that she’ll enjoy.

I appreciate it’s a lot of money, but kids remember these sort of experiences for the rest of their lives - both the good and bad bits.

It sounds to me that you are making all sorts of excuses for her not to go, even though she wants to. None of the things you’ve mentioned should stop her - just have a plan to help her cope. Does it really matter if she eats nothing but bread/chips/sweets for 4 nights? If she starts her periods, it’s not the end of the world, just show her how to cope. The teachers will be used to dealing with home sickness - our year 6 teacher said they nicked named one day ‘weepy Wednesday’ as this was the day when the kids were most tired/homesick.

Does she really have a tendency to break bones? Have you had this checked out?

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 30/08/2018 18:05

Would they have to put their own sheets, duvet and pillow covers on? I don't think DD or even any of her friends would do that easily? She can tidy her bed but making it needs me to help her

Totally depends on the centre. Some places they will. But you have 3 months to teach her how to!

Bestseller · 30/08/2018 18:07

IME the children who least want to go and/or whose parents least want them to go are the ones who most need to go and get the most out of it.

ShrodingersSturdyPyjamas · 30/08/2018 18:08

She can tidy her bed but making it needs me to help her.

Come on now! I was making beds before secondary school!

PlatypusPie · 30/08/2018 18:09

Why do you want her to narrow her outlook so much ? This is just the age to try new things, to test herself in a safe environment . She might get wet, she might get cold - but the bonding experience of everyone getting through and then talking about it after is an important part of development.

And ‘she won’t even eat bread and butter to keep herself alive if she doesn’t like the food ‘ Oh yes she will - physical activity and the open air sharpen the appetite wonderfully and when everyone else is tucking in she will too. They will be used to fussy eaters but it’s not a bush tucker challenge - they aren’t hunting their supper and eating witchity grubs.

SuburbanRhonda · 30/08/2018 18:09

If you do agree to her going, OP, please don’t spend the next three months emailing her class teacher daily about every little thing and getting on everyone’s nerves.

bigKiteFlying · 30/08/2018 18:09

Also what can I do with DD during that week instead as DH has no annual leave left for us to take her somewhere else.

I don't know about scotland but in England and Wales they'd have to be in school and be put into another class for the week.

Mine aren't sporty but have enjoy such school trips - though it's been a few days the week one were abroard - which was nerve racking but such an opportunity and they loved it.

First thing I do is talk to the school and express concerns - they might be ley way with letting her phone you or adapting menu - I'd also want to know how many were going and how much preparation is done in school - I wouldn't want a child of mine being only one left out hearing for weeks about this great trip.

Bambamber · 30/08/2018 18:09

Let her go and don't tell her how how much she will hate it. She may just enjoy being away with her friends trying new things. But you will prevent that if you keep saying how much she will hate iy

school trip
Icantbelieve · 30/08/2018 18:10

Let her go. It will do you good too. Sometimes kids just need to deal with things they don’t like for example not eating their favourite foods. She will eat, she won’t starve. Her birthday would make her somewhere in the middle age wise with her peers. If she wants to go let her go!

JacquesHammer · 30/08/2018 18:10

DD opted out of the final year primary trip because it wasn’t her thing at all. She had been on and enjoyed residential since she was 6, but simply wasn’t interested in this one.

I would make it her choice OP. I can’t see the point of forcing a child to do something they won’t enjoy (obviously with reasonable caveats!)

Mymomsbetterthanyomom · 30/08/2018 18:10

Did the adult or child write this?

serbska · 30/08/2018 18:10

don't be a lame-o parent who limits their child's horizons. Help expand them.

Send her with a stack of cereal bars hidden in her socks if you're worried she'll be hungry.

rainingcatsanddog · 30/08/2018 18:11

I think that your negative attitude will spoil her residential.

Most y6 kids won't like everything about their trip. Most will have the experience of putting up with a meal that they wouldn't have chosen and the people they share with won't all be the people that they'd choose in an ideal world. Most kids will find the idea of certain activities daunting or unappealing but when they accomplish stuff (designed for a typical y6) that they didn't think possible, they will feel great.

As your dd wants to go, I'd be encouraging her to go for it. She won't die without a phone or sweets. The phone rule means that she won't be returning with a broken phone and will have played with her friends more. Phoning parents can make homesickness worse.

fishonabicycle · 30/08/2018 18:12

My son's whole year went to a similar thing on the isle of Wight. I'm sure some of the kids weren't outdoorsy, but they all had a great time. She is at secondary school next year - let her grow up a bit. You are being rather precious.

pandarific · 30/08/2018 18:12

Spend the 320 quid on cotton wool and bubble wrap

Actual out loud lol-on-the-bus at that. Grin

But while it's a little on the nose, I think the pp has a point. I'm sure children will be allowed to contact their parents in the event they get very upset and want to come home? If so, I'd send her off with the provosio that if she is utterly miserable she is to tell the teacher she wants to use their phone to contact you, and then you could first try to reassure her and then if she's really inconsolable, go to pick her up. YANBU to be concerned, but ultimately it will be good for her. It's all part of growing up.