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AIBU?

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Original poster

school trip

408 replies

sunshineNdaisies · 30/08/2018 17:11

DD is in her final year of primary school here in Scotland and every year they go on a residential trip. I don't want DD to go. DH thinks she should. She's 10, not 11 til end of January.

It's for 5 days, mon-fri at an outdoor education centre. They will be doing things in all weathers like canoeing, abseiling, walks, cycling etc. I've looked up the venue and it's 6 kids to a room, shared toilets/showers, middle of nowhere. The food menu example is all things my DD will hate. No vending machines, no mobile phones allowed, no calls to parents, not allowed to bring own sweets.

It'll be mid November - so very likely to be rainy, cold, windy, lots of midgies.

I know my DD. She's not outdoorsy at all. If there's no food she likes, she wont eat or survive on bread and butter. She will hate the rain, wind etc. She thinks she can take her phone so she can call us - she can't. I can see her being very homesick and upset. Two of the three teachers in charge are teachers that neither DD or myself like. Also, I fully expect my DD to start her periods soon, all the signs are there.

DD says she wants to go but this is because 'all her friends are going'. The cost is £320 and I'd much rather spend this money doing something that DD will actually enjoy, not spending that money only for DD to come home in tears which I'm 99% certain will happen.

DH and his parents think I should let her go for 'the experience' and 'she might end up liking it'. I'm being made to feel like a big baddy.

Also what can I do with DD during that week instead as DH has no annual leave left for us to take her somewhere else.

OP posts:
PrivateDoor · 30/08/2018 17:37

She really doesn't like ANY of the food??? She might break a bone, might start her period??? Seriously these are not reasons to be afraid to let her go. Let her go and have fun.

HOWEVER if she decides she doesn't want to go then that is ok, my dd didn't go on hers and is still glad a few years later!

troodiedoo · 30/08/2018 17:38

please don't be that parent. let her go.

And if you're telling her what teachers you don't like, stop it.

PolkerrisBeach · 30/08/2018 17:39

Also meant to add the place my kids go to (Ardmay) doesn't allow mobiles as there's no signal and they won't take responsibility for them.

OP you sound very neurotic so it's perhaps not a shock that this has rubbed off on your kids.

mycatplotsdeath · 30/08/2018 17:39

Let her go!
She wants to go!

Whilst she is away having fun with her classmates, you could look for the grip you seem to have lost!

StoorieHoose · 30/08/2018 17:40

My dd did the Dalguise residential last year and really enjoyed it. And she is the most non outdoorsy/constant phone in hand girl you will meet. They did take sweets hidden in middle of case, she had experiences with her friends that she would not get by going on holiday with us. Please let her go - she won’t find every day great fun and the food might be hit or miss but she will be glad she went

DollyWilde · 30/08/2018 17:41

Agree with pps who have said that it's kids like your DD who get the most out of these sorts of residentials.

Clairetree1 · 30/08/2018 17:42

she wants to go.

so let her go.

I don't even know why you are hesitating?

whats the worst that could happen? She doesn't enjoy herself? she will still learn a lot and grow up a lot, and thank you for the experience later.

you don't want her to move on to secondary school as one of the 1-2% of children too fragile and clingy to have had this experience, do you?

It will most likley be talked about a lot in year 7, comparing notes by children from different primary schools

bakebakebake · 30/08/2018 17:42

I went to Kingswood when I was around 11.

No phones were allowed but I did sneak mine in. Although calls home were allowed, one a day I believe.

I was actually wetting the bed at that age so I had to be discrete about the tena lady underwear I wore at night. That was worrying.

I didn't do a few of the activities, but I did enjoy it. Mine was also mon-fri. It rained everyday!

Grimbles · 30/08/2018 17:43

Do you realise what it would be like to be the only kid who doesn't get to go?

witherwings · 30/08/2018 17:43

She should go if she wants to do it. If she doesn't, she will have to be in school as otherwise it will be an unauthorised absence.
My child is also in yr 6 and going on residential the 3rd week back at school in September. The majority of the kids will not be 11.
Our school also did 2 night residential in year 4 and they all loved it as that is in spite of bedtime homesickness.

Justnoclue · 30/08/2018 17:44

Don’t hold her back.

If you’re honest, this is more about you not wanting her to go.

DD didn’t want to go on her Y6 residential but she chose to go anyway. She hated it she tells us. Yet every now and again she refers to happy things that happened. Even now two years on.

These trips are part of them growing up. You’ll not be doing her any favours by finding excuses to hold her back because of your own fears. Let her go. If she hates it she hates it and it’s only 5 days. She may well love it and flourish. Let her decide, not you’re own anxiety.

Twotailed · 30/08/2018 17:44

These trips are a big deal and she would really be missing out if you didn’t let her go. I think you have to grit your teeth and bear it!

Katjolo · 30/08/2018 17:46

Let her go. Great opportunity to experience new things.

BertrandRussell · 30/08/2018 17:46

What do you mean- a tendency to break bones? Do you mean she has a medical condition

Blondephantom · 30/08/2018 17:46

She wants to go. Let her go. It isn’t just the Mon-Fri that she will miss out on. In the lead up the kids will be full of who is going to share rooms and what it will be like. Then there will be the stories and remember whens for the rest of the school year.

The activities will be led by activity instructors not the teachers. Plus teachers are different out of school. There are rules but they are more relaxed. Kids try and enjoy things they have never done before and they celebrate achievements together. The centre will be used to kids who don’t like the menu and will be watching to make sure everyone eats plenty. I barely noticed what I was eating on my last residential as all the fresh air and activity leaves you with an appetite.

The teachers will try to avoid calling home as sometimes a child can become more distressed after speaking to a parent. They will call if they feel it is needed and they have tried to resolve the situation.

If your daughter doesn’t go on the trip then she will be expected to attend school. They will put her in with one of the other classes.

StoorieHoose · 30/08/2018 17:47

And she will have to be in school
If she doesn’t go. You can keep her off - they will put her in with the P6s

PhilomenaButterfly · 30/08/2018 17:48

DD's 11, also going into the last year of primary. She's already been on 2 residential trips with school, and 1 with a Christian organisation. So the first one she went on she was 9. Some of the children who went were 8.

She'll be fine.

OutingMyDog · 30/08/2018 17:48

Sounds like the perfect opportunity to snap her out of all that nonsense.

Trampire · 30/08/2018 17:49

God yes, I'm with your DH.

Resilience. It's a very under estimated valuable skill to learn, especially before Secondary.

At 10, stop telling your dd (and allowing her to tell you) what she's like and what she'll hate.

Both my kids are indoors - a dd and a ds. They've both been on numerous Scout/brownie/school camps. Sometimes they loved it, sometimes not do much. One time my ds's tent got flooded. They didn't always like the food but they managed. My ds's week long Y6 school camp was great! White water rafting and go-karting and hiking......all the things he wouldn't do if his own back. He loved it.

You may find in Secondary they will go on a Y7 camp. Very outdoorsy and bonding. Will you not send her to that either?

My dd just went to Normandy in Y8. She did a whole load of stuff she'd never done and hated the food but had a GREAT time! She mixed with pupils she didn't know too well before she went and gained a whole new confidence.

I'm sorry, I just can't see any downsides.

Trampire · 30/08/2018 17:51

Oh and my dd started her periods at 10. She had to cope on school camp. I took a teacher into my confidence and told her to keep an eye out (they've seen this loads of times before). You what, she coped.

AornisHades · 30/08/2018 17:52

My dd has autism and school were great at understanding her needs on the Y6 residential. She went, enjoyed quite a lot of it, didn't do all the activities, did some that surprised everyone and it was OK. When they left Y6 they made yearbooks and everyone included pictures of them and friends on the trip.
Given she wants to go, encourage her!

Shopkinsdoll · 30/08/2018 17:52

Your kidding! I’m in Scotland and kids in p5 and p7 go every year and have a total ball. They love it. She sounds like a pampered princess

Poloshot · 30/08/2018 17:53

Let her go it'll do her good

Trampire · 30/08/2018 17:54

I would go as far to say she needs to go.

Sandstormbrewing · 30/08/2018 17:54

I didn't know I enjoyed orienteering, canoeing or rock climbing until I went on my year 6 residential trip. It sparked a life long love of outdoor activities. It was a great experience and a real character building an bonding time.

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