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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

school trip

408 replies

sunshineNdaisies · 30/08/2018 17:11

DD is in her final year of primary school here in Scotland and every year they go on a residential trip. I don't want DD to go. DH thinks she should. She's 10, not 11 til end of January.

It's for 5 days, mon-fri at an outdoor education centre. They will be doing things in all weathers like canoeing, abseiling, walks, cycling etc. I've looked up the venue and it's 6 kids to a room, shared toilets/showers, middle of nowhere. The food menu example is all things my DD will hate. No vending machines, no mobile phones allowed, no calls to parents, not allowed to bring own sweets.

It'll be mid November - so very likely to be rainy, cold, windy, lots of midgies.

I know my DD. She's not outdoorsy at all. If there's no food she likes, she wont eat or survive on bread and butter. She will hate the rain, wind etc. She thinks she can take her phone so she can call us - she can't. I can see her being very homesick and upset. Two of the three teachers in charge are teachers that neither DD or myself like. Also, I fully expect my DD to start her periods soon, all the signs are there.

DD says she wants to go but this is because 'all her friends are going'. The cost is £320 and I'd much rather spend this money doing something that DD will actually enjoy, not spending that money only for DD to come home in tears which I'm 99% certain will happen.

DH and his parents think I should let her go for 'the experience' and 'she might end up liking it'. I'm being made to feel like a big baddy.

Also what can I do with DD during that week instead as DH has no annual leave left for us to take her somewhere else.

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 30/08/2018 17:21

There wont be midges in November! Both mine went on the trips in P7. They did enjoy most of the activities (gorge walking was a favourite) although dd came back with a wrist buckle fracture from falling on the dry ski slope Shock. Ds is fussy but managed to find bits and pieces to eat. Everyone took some sweets with them plus they had a small tuck shop that they took a token amount of money for.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 30/08/2018 17:21

Of course she should go. It will be really beneficial for her and most importantly she wants to.

I take children on residentials (not school) and you’d be amazed what they eat and do away from parents. They are much more adaptable than you think.

Not sure what the issue with six children in a room is.

Aprilshowersinaugust · 30/08/2018 17:22

Time to cut the cord.

Ginmakesitallok · 30/08/2018 17:22

The dalguise trip in a right of passage. My dd1 isn't outdoorsy at all either and loved it. Let her go!

OutPinked · 30/08/2018 17:24

Please let her go. I went on one in year 5 for 5 days and year 6 for 4 days. I absolutely loved both, they were great. I still have fantastic memories from both now actually. My friends and I loved the freedom of staying together in the dorm rooms, it all felt very grown up. I loved the caving and hiking, it was great. Ahh... sweet memories. We didn’t even have phones.

You’re massively assuming she won’t enjoy it, she most likely will.

yakari · 30/08/2018 17:24

Please let her go. Of course explain to her all the concerns and give her back up plans to deal with tough things she may find hard.
Two outcomes

  • she goes because her friends are going and hates it - life lesson, don't always follow your mates if you're not happy or comfortable with their decisions
  • she goes and loves it or at least like bits of it - life lesson, sometimes stretch out of your comfort zone, it might be fun

Versus you holding her back, life lesson, I never tried so I'll never know, and she goes back to school and hears what a great laugh all her friends had, life lesson, sometimes people will hold me back and that sucks

I know which I'd push for ...

Wearywithteens · 30/08/2018 17:25

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

TheFallenMadonna · 30/08/2018 17:25

My DD is extremely fussy and usually survives on bread and dry cereal on school trips. On her year 6 outdoorsy trip she tried goat curry (yuck) and roast venison (yum). She loved it. Loved it.

Good warm waterproofs essential.

SpottingTheZebras · 30/08/2018 17:26

Show your DD the menu, tell her she cannot take her phone or sweets and make sure she knows which teachers are going and what the weather/activities are like in a nonbiased way. If she then says she wants to go, you need to let her go. She might well thoroughly enjoy it.

MrsBartlettforthewin · 30/08/2018 17:28

OP you have decided she wouldn't like it - has she ever had the chance to try any of the activities they will do?

Let her go, she wants to go and will feel massively left out when all her friends come back raving about it and it is reminisced about at the year 6 leave assembly etc.

Please don't let your fears hold her back from gaining some independence and getting to experience some amazing activities at the same time.

Meltedicicle · 30/08/2018 17:29

If she wants to go, let her. She might surprise you. My DD has SEN and is 10 and just come back from her first residential with a charity. I was massively nervous about it but she thrived. Hopefully her year 6 residential with school will also be a success! You never know until you try. Don’t let your reservations rub off on her though.

Spanglybangles · 30/08/2018 17:30

I agree in saying she should go. We are in Scotland too so I expect it’s the same place that pretty much all the schools go to and my dd went in June just past.

It rained a fair bit and they all got wet and filthy (school prewarned this would happen), but they had an absolute ball. My dd isn’t very outdoorsy but did everything (raft building, big swing, abseiling, zip wire etc etc) and loved it. Didn’t miss her phone at all. We were provided with a phone number for the place if needed and I believe concessions could be made for kids who needed to contact parents.

My dd is also super fussy food wise but was happy enough with what they got there and said there were chips available at all meals, desserts etc, so much more kid friendly than school meals for example. There was a shop where they could buy sweets, fizzy drinks and treats etc each evening.

The school twitter account posted loads of videos of the trip for parents to see and it looked fantastic. If she wants to go, let her...chances are she will have a great time.

Witchend · 30/08/2018 17:30

She will remember far longer that you wouldn't let her go due to your issues than she will remember any upset on the trip.

I speak from experience.

CraftyGin · 30/08/2018 17:31

They get so much out of these trips. If she doesn’t normally do outdoor activities, how do you know she will hate it? It will be really beneficial for her not to have a phone so that she can interact with the environment and with real people.

She will learn team-work, problem-solving, resilience, going outside her comfort zone.

She may be a bit homesick on the first day, but will soon forget when she is roasting marshmallows on a campfire the first night.

I’ve taken loads of Y5/6/7 girls to PGL and they all loved it, and ate the food. The food is very neutral.

PolkerrisBeach · 30/08/2018 17:31

This is a rite of passage for P7 children in Scotland. My P6 will be going next year, as his siblings did when they were P7.

Every year there's one whingey, moany, clingy child who mopes and moans and spoils it for everyone because their mum has sown the seed that outdoors stuff is dirty, cold and not fun.

Do not let your child be that person.

mumtomaxwell · 30/08/2018 17:31

How many other children won’t be going? For my own DCs I’ve never really thought of residentials like this as optional! I couldn’t bare the thought of my kid being the one that missed out on all those shared experiences.

Lidlfix · 30/08/2018 17:34

It's an important part of P7, to the extent that many schools are using PEF money to ensure all pupils can go. Many high schools use it as part of the transition program with all feeder primaries going together the 'bond ' the year group.

I am the least tree climbing, rope swinging, raft building person imaginable but went on a P7 residential last year. I am book loving , blanket snuggling Secondary English teacher but was involved in transition in a pastoral capacity. I hate rain and wind and was soaking and frozen . I dried and warmed up.

Every effort was made to make sure as many pupils went as possible (including very complex arrangements for high tariff staged intervention young people) as the interactions are invaluable.

YABU if well intentioned. How will she feel when they're all reminiscing about their adventures? As PPs have said teachers are not activity leaders. I held lots of stuff and tightened up harnesses . If she wants to go - let her.

kitkatsky · 30/08/2018 17:34

DD wants to go, YOU don't want her to go and are making the reasons to why she shouldn't far more important than they need to be. I went on residential where school ordered takeaway pizza . I didn't like pizza (yeah I know) so was given an apple. I didn't starve and enjoyed the experience regardless. If she's really miserable they'll let her go home but don't let your own agenda about her being too young to be away from you get in the way. She's 10!

Ylvamoon · 30/08/2018 17:34

Let her go! You don't know if she likes it until she has been. Going away with your peers is completely different from a holiday with family / parents. Nobody will force her to do or eat anything she doesn't want.
Think about all the things she will be left out of: staying up till midnight, giggling and chatting with friends. Night walks and ghost stories. fun games with friends and ridiculous competitions. Being a bit more independent, growing confidence. Getting to teachers a bit more fun and relaxed.... It's so much more than what you read in a leaflet.

RibbonAurora · 30/08/2018 17:34

She wants to go, your DH thinks she should, most posters also think it would do her picky, mollycoddled-sounding self good too.

You, well, you just sound like you're throwing as many excuses not to let her go as you can at the wall and seeing which ones stick - about to start her periods, can't have her phone, she'll hate the food, it'll be cold - and in the process ACTIVELY discouraging her from going by bigging up everything about it she's not going to like. Why do you really not want to let her to go, OP? Is it the money or is it you can't bear to let her out of your sight?

Yeah, YABU and not the greatest parent either in this instance.

KindergartenKop · 30/08/2018 17:35

There is a lot of value in going somewhere for a week and not liking it. Teachers and the instructors will know exactly how to cope with it. Let her go.

ProfessorMoody · 30/08/2018 17:36

My DS wouldn't go on his Year 5 resi. He knew he'd hate it so I didn't make him go. He's old enough to know his own mind and I know myself he'd have hated what was on offer, as I'm a teacher myself, an ex-Guider and have done plenty of resis and camps.

For the ones commenting that all children will have a good time, no. They won't. Not every child enjoys the same things and not every child will enjoy being away.

If she wants to go, I'd let her, however if you're 100% sure she'd hate it, don't waste your money.

WombatStewForTea · 30/08/2018 17:37

OP I'm a Year 6 teacher and we run a very similar trip although a little later in the year.

  1. No mobiles aren't allowed but we're not monsters. If we have a really homesick child we'll let them call their parents. Only had to do this once.
  2. Menus can be tweaked as long as you speak to school/the venue. A few years ago we had the fussiest eater ever and she survived.
  3. The enjoyment of the activities is nothing to do with being outdoorsy.
  4. don't let your dislike of the teachers influence it. They will have a group leader and other members of the centre staff who do most of the things with the children.
  5. Please let her go. It's great for them to bond with each other
haverhill · 30/08/2018 17:37

OP, my DS is not sporty in the least and has always refused sleepovers as he didn’t want to be away from home.
He LOVED his residential to Wales. It was a huge growing-up experience for them all and boosted his confidence loads.

Backinthebox · 30/08/2018 17:37

You are worried about how your daughter will manage for a week without her mobile phone and sweets? Have you actually read what you’ve written? You’ve got average to opportunity to show your DD that she CAN survive without sweets and phone, and she might learn independence and resilience and have fun while doing it. My DD says her residentials were the best times she had at primary school. You’d be prepared to deny her potentially her best week at school, that she wants to go on, because you are worried about frivolous things? Give her the opportunity to grow, don’t hold her back. If you do she’ll throw it back at you eventually.