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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

school trip

408 replies

sunshineNdaisies · 30/08/2018 17:11

DD is in her final year of primary school here in Scotland and every year they go on a residential trip. I don't want DD to go. DH thinks she should. She's 10, not 11 til end of January.

It's for 5 days, mon-fri at an outdoor education centre. They will be doing things in all weathers like canoeing, abseiling, walks, cycling etc. I've looked up the venue and it's 6 kids to a room, shared toilets/showers, middle of nowhere. The food menu example is all things my DD will hate. No vending machines, no mobile phones allowed, no calls to parents, not allowed to bring own sweets.

It'll be mid November - so very likely to be rainy, cold, windy, lots of midgies.

I know my DD. She's not outdoorsy at all. If there's no food she likes, she wont eat or survive on bread and butter. She will hate the rain, wind etc. She thinks she can take her phone so she can call us - she can't. I can see her being very homesick and upset. Two of the three teachers in charge are teachers that neither DD or myself like. Also, I fully expect my DD to start her periods soon, all the signs are there.

DD says she wants to go but this is because 'all her friends are going'. The cost is £320 and I'd much rather spend this money doing something that DD will actually enjoy, not spending that money only for DD to come home in tears which I'm 99% certain will happen.

DH and his parents think I should let her go for 'the experience' and 'she might end up liking it'. I'm being made to feel like a big baddy.

Also what can I do with DD during that week instead as DH has no annual leave left for us to take her somewhere else.

OP posts:
FrancisCrawford · 30/08/2018 18:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whatwouldkeithRichardsdo2 · 30/08/2018 18:37

This is a wind up. Otherwise, as a species we are not going to make it.

theluckiest · 30/08/2018 18:39

Your DD sounds like one of the children who residentials are made for - they bloom on this sort of trip. They find out things about themselves that they never thought they had. Let her go!!

If she really doesn't want to go (& I think from your posts OP that you are trying to persuade her that she doesn't want to go for all the reasons you have stated), she will always be the one left out of conversations, funny stories and shared experiences for the rest of the year.

She may not be the only one NOT going - when my school does Y6 residentials, there is often a very small group who don't go for whatever reason. They always, in my experience, feel left out at some point either that week, before and certainly after, despite trying to make staying in school 'fun'.

I would say that your reasons to not send her hold much weight really if she actually does want to go. That's the key thing.

CherryPavlova · 30/08/2018 18:39

No wonder so many children suffer anxiety and lack self belief. You are actively undermining the school. Why on earth did you show her the menu? Just to put her off? That’s mean. Food tends to be a disappointment but they survive and it’s very good for them to learn to eat what’s there is.
It’s only 5 days. She shop course go and go with you trying to put her off because you don’t think it’s her thing.
The bubble wrap and cottwool is an excellent comment. Children need to build a life separate from their parents and not be in hourly contact. I’m sure if there were a problem the school would contact you.

BellsaRinging · 30/08/2018 18:39

She wants to go away. It will be good for her. If nothing else she will learn to make her bed.

redcaryellowcar · 30/08/2018 18:41

I would try to encourage her to go if you can. I think it's far more than just a trip with outdoor activities, children have a blast, try things they might not have done before and come back on the biggest high you'll have ever seen (whilst totally exhausted!) the teachers don't get paid more to go, so there must be huge benefits for the pupils for hen to give up a week with their families to look after a large number of children!
I understand your fears, and worry similarly about ds, but know that if he's at all tempted to go, I'll encourage him as much as I can!

user1468942365 · 30/08/2018 18:42

I was just like her and I wouldn't have been the odd kid that missed out for all the world! I ended up having a ball.
What if she falls?
But what if she flies, OP?

MrsSnootyPants2018 · 30/08/2018 18:44

She wants to go so let her.

You can't wrap her in bubble wrap because you're still too attached.

Original poster
sunshineNdaisies · 30/08/2018 18:47

She's got a double bed at home.

They're going to ardentinny. It looks really basic and cold inside and out.

I'm also pretty sure another child in her class won't be going. This child is a very clingy child. My DD is not at all clingy but as I said, she's not outdoorsy and is really only wanting to go because her BFs are going.

DD doesn't have any medical conditions, she's just bloody accident prone. DD is the one who doesn't like those teachers.

OP posts:
KeneftYakimoski · 30/08/2018 18:48

Fast forward a few years.. univeristy halls of residence and the OP anxiously hovering around outside....

Oh God, yes. Every year there are parents who move into B&B for Freshers' Week, or in one case move themselves and their child into a hotel to spend Freshers' together. They're often surprised that their children drop out a few months of social isolation later...

garethsouthgatesmrs · 30/08/2018 18:48

Some people are being a bit mean OP and I know I will feel hugely nervous when my DCs reach the age to go on residentials however I know that one thing I have learnt 1about parenting is that we mustn't allow our fears to hold our children back. We have to let them go. She should go but there are ways you can help yourself to feel better. My DS has been on a one night stay with beavers and i found the following things helped me.

  1. Have all the contact details written out and attached to the fridge and saved to your phone so that at any time you can contact them
  2. Have a few other parents numbers saved
  3. In advance write a list of your concerns (I.e. the bed making) and address them. You have time to teach her to make a bed for example.
  4. Speak to a trusted teacher about her eating and ask them what they would do if your DD refuses to eat any of the food. My DS is a fussy eater but he will eat enough of his school dinners to be allowed out to play.
  5. Pack her some cereal bars, fruit and other snacks so you can reassure yourself she won't starve
  6. Take the kit list and have a fun shopping day with your DD
  7. Plan something lovely for the Sunday she gets home (she will be too tired saturday) you will both have missed each other so it will be nice to do something together.

There's nothing wrong with feeling worried and dreading the idea of her being away. We all feel that to some extent but not letting her go would be a mistake as it would be denying her a life enhancing experience (even if she hates it she will learn from it) I still remember the fun I had on my year 5 and 6 school trips

KeneftYakimoski · 30/08/2018 18:49

I'm sensing "OP's daughter is an only child".

MissusGeneHunt · 30/08/2018 18:50

This could be the beginning of a confident new DD!

Don't mollycoddle her OP, you may end up stifling her. As a PP said: What if she falls... But what if she flies?

And for goodness sake, reach her how to make a bed and not rely on vending machines!

SoupDragon · 30/08/2018 18:51

DD is not at all clingy

You seem to be clingy though. She wants to go. You are the one who is trying to cling onto her. So what if she doesn’t enjoy it? At least she will have tried. How is she meant to know if she will enjoy something if you don’t let her try?

MrsSnootyPants2018 · 30/08/2018 18:52

"She's got a double bed at home"

Yes that's an excellent reason it to send her.

She wants to go and have fun with her friends !

GreenTulips · 30/08/2018 18:52

If you give her skins and waterproofs she'll be warm and toasty - being active warms them up no end.

Let her go. You could volunteer as a parent helper if you really wanted to, but I'd would be bette rode your DD to go with her friends and have a blast

Sugarhunnyicedtea · 30/08/2018 18:52

It looks lovely. I imagine she'll have a ball. If she wants to go, let her, my ds was really unsure about going on his year 6 residential and only actually decided to go the week before- he had an amazing time

Trampire · 30/08/2018 18:53

www.ardentinnycentre.org.uk/gallery/

Op, is it here? If it is I think it's looks amazing! Honestly.

Spanglybangles · 30/08/2018 18:53

At Dalguise in June just past there, my daughters year had to take sleeping bag and pillow, so no duvet cover to wrestle with and pillow slip put on at home. At most they would have had to deal with a sheet which is easy enough.

Motherbear26 · 30/08/2018 18:55

I worried sick about my pfb on the first residential, particularly as he’d never even made it through the night at friends sleepovers. But he insisted he wanted to go so off he went, in spite of my reservations. We did get a couple of teary phone calls at night (calls home were not allowed but the teachers are not ogres and when he was upset he was allowed to speak to us), but he loved the experience. As the week went on he became better at coping and his friends really supported him when he was sad.

He couldn’t wait to go on the next one, and exactly the same happened. He had his sad moments but he got through it and I am so proud of him for trying. I know it’s tough, but please give your dd a chance. She will be fine.

WilburIsSomePig · 30/08/2018 18:55

They're going to ardentinny.

OP, please listen. I went to Ardentinny when I was the same age as your DD. This was 41 years ago and I still remember it as some of the most fun times I've ever had and I was most definitely NOT outdoorsy back then. I have no recollection what the food was like or if I made my own bed (probably, as your DD should be able to anyway) but I DO remember I had the time of my life. It was cold - we had appropriate clothes for it and we all had a blast. Oh and no mobile phones in those days to worry about ...

Seriously OP, don't be that parent. Let your DD go and have the BEST time.

JacquesHammer · 30/08/2018 18:56

I'm sensing "OP's daughter is an only child”

Confused
StoorieHoose · 30/08/2018 18:58

My DD is an only child and she enjoyed her residential. She certainly knew how to make a bed a ten. Can we not ring out the tired ‘only child’ shite?

Glumglowworm · 30/08/2018 18:58

Let her go for goodness sake! She might not be clingy but you bloody are!

She wants to go! Your reasons for not letting her are getting ever more ridiculous! A 10 year old is more than capable of learning to make a bed!

I’ve taken brownies and Guides away loads of times (brownies being younger than your dd btw), including fussy eaters, homesick ones, accident prone ones, ones with clingy parents, and not-outdoorsy ones. They’ve all without exception survived the experience! they’ve all eaten something, they’ve all done at least some of the activities, they’ve all smiled at least some of the time.

Your dd will be perfectly fine! The teachers have dealt with it all before, including worried parents.

She wants to go! Stop holding her back!

WilburIsSomePig · 30/08/2018 18:58

Oh and looking at the above link, it was MUCH more basic back when I went. I actually feel all nostalgic just thinking about it! My two best friends and I (we're still best friends now) still mention it from time to time and how we had two cassettes to play at night for the whole week - every time I hear any of the songs from those albums it takes me right back. I'd go back in a heartbeat if I could!

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