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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

school trip

408 replies

sunshineNdaisies · 30/08/2018 17:11

DD is in her final year of primary school here in Scotland and every year they go on a residential trip. I don't want DD to go. DH thinks she should. She's 10, not 11 til end of January.

It's for 5 days, mon-fri at an outdoor education centre. They will be doing things in all weathers like canoeing, abseiling, walks, cycling etc. I've looked up the venue and it's 6 kids to a room, shared toilets/showers, middle of nowhere. The food menu example is all things my DD will hate. No vending machines, no mobile phones allowed, no calls to parents, not allowed to bring own sweets.

It'll be mid November - so very likely to be rainy, cold, windy, lots of midgies.

I know my DD. She's not outdoorsy at all. If there's no food she likes, she wont eat or survive on bread and butter. She will hate the rain, wind etc. She thinks she can take her phone so she can call us - she can't. I can see her being very homesick and upset. Two of the three teachers in charge are teachers that neither DD or myself like. Also, I fully expect my DD to start her periods soon, all the signs are there.

DD says she wants to go but this is because 'all her friends are going'. The cost is £320 and I'd much rather spend this money doing something that DD will actually enjoy, not spending that money only for DD to come home in tears which I'm 99% certain will happen.

DH and his parents think I should let her go for 'the experience' and 'she might end up liking it'. I'm being made to feel like a big baddy.

Also what can I do with DD during that week instead as DH has no annual leave left for us to take her somewhere else.

OP posts:
garethsouthgatesmrs · 31/08/2018 21:44

Definitely speak to school about the bully.

dollieollie · 31/08/2018 21:57

I think you’re being a tad (exceptionally) pessimistic. At worst she’ll hate it and want to come home or she might challenge herself, learn some new things and most important have fun! I remember doing this at school and I virtually forgot who my mother was. Kids are full of surprises!

Glaciferous · 31/08/2018 21:59

I'm so glad you are letting her go. But why 'The next few months will be teaching her to make her bed, do her washing, do dishes, hang washing up etc'?

DD's residential involved none of those things, bar a bit of light bed-making.

itssquidstella · 31/08/2018 22:04

I'm not sure OP is coming back...

Trampire · 31/08/2018 22:06

On both my dcs school residential they just had to bring a pillow and sleeping bag. They just had to put a sheet on the bed when they got there.

They didn't have to do any washing, I think they only did washing up on Scout & Brownie camp when they were actually camping.

The room thing is no problem. Have a little word with the teachers. They will always put them with at least some of their good friends.

BertrandRussell · 31/08/2018 22:08

"The next few months will be teaching her to make her bed, do her washing, do dishes, hang washing up etc. She can do most of these things but not well."
Obviously she ought to be able to do all of these things-but she won't need to do washing or washing up on PGL! And surely she can make her bed!

PolkerrisBeach · 31/08/2018 22:13

Assuming it's a Monday to Friday trip she won't be doing washing. That'll all be saved up for you in a stinking mess until she comes home.

You need to get out iof this mindset of "it'll be shit and she'll hate it". You owe it to her to be positive and encouraging. You may net be happy but quite frankly it's not about you.

missmapp · 31/08/2018 22:13

Ds had to put sheets on his bed on his residential. He couldn't do it before but managed fine. He now changed his own sheets. Result

dementedpixie · 31/08/2018 22:17

They dont do washing while away, they bring it all back soggy and stinky for you to do! I showed ds how to put his duvet cover on and how to put a pillow in a pillow case.

myrtleWilson · 31/08/2018 22:25

Am glad she's going OP but please don't turn the next few months into a mini boot camp for your DD (especially if you're doing it to make her feel despondent about going)

BoBro · 31/08/2018 22:27

Calm down op and think of all the positive things your dd will experience during her 4 nights away from home.

She will definitely not need to do any washing, so you can stop panicking about that. However, washing lessons could come in handy at home of course.

She will probably need to put her duvet cover on, so a few lessons in this will probably price helpful.... Tbh when ds went on his residential last year, we hadn't taught him how to do this and as far as i'm award he managed it fine or else he had help 🤷‍♀️😆

Finally, be positive and let your dd make her own memories. Primary children off on a residential are usually excited and looking forward to doing new and different things with their friends. Don't spoil it for her.

CD0089 · 31/08/2018 22:43

Assuming this is a similar type place, I went to Dalguise with primary school when I was 7, I have cerebral palsy, and the staff & team leaders there couldn't be more helpful and included me in everything as much as they could. The only things I couldn't participate in were the ones involving heights. Otherwise, I got stuck in, had great fun and came home absolutely filthy! Let her go, she'll love it!

ManicStreetTeacher · 31/08/2018 22:46

She's young. She still needs a range of experiences in life before deciding for sure that she doesn't enjoy them. The resilience the trip will build in her will be a hugely important skill that she'll rely on in high school. She won't be the only one who has started periods and the staff will be more than capable of dealing with this. There's some very interesting research about the many positive benefits of pupils going on such trips. Perhaps time to focus on the positives with her.

Witchend · 01/09/2018 01:06

I hope you're not intending it to, but the "oh I'm going to have to teach her all these chores first" comes across as "I'll teach her to want to go on this trip. I'll make sure it's too much hassle for her"

If you want to teach her there things, fine. But don't make it about the trip. "You're old enough to start doing xyz" is fine. "you have to come and do this otherwise you will look silly on the trip" is not.

At any rate, even if they do need to do them, and I doubt they will, she won't be the only one who needs help and they'll help each other and teach each other in a much nicer way than learning at home. It is fun for them and then they come back desperate to show you their new skill.
Quite good while it lasts

Beeziekn33ze · 01/09/2018 01:30

OP - Time to loosen the apron strings a little!

MrsSnootyPants2018 · 01/09/2018 07:13

I'll teach her this that and the other?

  1. don't make them a punishment because she wants to leave you for 5 days.

  2. my 4 year old makes her own bed and helps hang out washing so I'm pretty sure your 10 year old can cope

WilburIsSomePig · 01/09/2018 07:59

Well done OP for letting her go. Now you need to make sure that you sound excited for her when you're talking about it or you'll ruin the experience before she even gets there.

PolkerrisBeach · 01/09/2018 08:02

I predict that in November OP will be back with an update saying that her daughter was in floods of tears when the coach left, hated every second and OP was called to collect her to bring her home after the first night.

And OP will be all "see, I knew she'd be like this" and she won't have the self-awareness to see why her DD was so unhappy.

Poor kid.

There was a child like this in my DD's year - her father is incredibly anxious and overstrung, the mother goes along with it and it rubs off on the child. At the pre-trip meeting she kicked off that her DD wouldn't be allowed a phone. She said her DD wouldn't like the food. She said her DD didn't have the right clothes. (And the poor woman from the centre batted away every comment in an attempt to reassure her) The mother was in tears as the coach left - the rest of us were all waving happily to our excited kids. According to DD, when they arrived the child refused to take part in the first activity which was something fairly tame like a treasure hunt and had a massive tantrum by teatime which resulted in the teachers summoning the parents to take her home. (And they kept her home the rest of the week with trips to the cinema and treats).

OP you do not want your child to be like this - the girl in my DD's year will forever be known as the one with the "weird" parents and the one who threw a massive tantrum at Ardmay.

scaryteacher · 01/09/2018 08:33

@Mydogishot You must be very proud of your son. Good on him!!!

Foslady · 01/09/2018 08:34

I must be an awful mum then - I sent my dd off to Paris with her Brownie/Guide group when she was 9!
This is all about confidence building, starting them out in the journey of knowing who they are, mixing and working as a team. It will be an amazing learning and personal development opportunity, please start to be enthusiastic about this an don’t ruin it for her, the more negative you are the more likely she won’t enjoy it - do you really want to do that to prove yourself right?

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 01/09/2018 08:42

I must be an awful mum then - I sent my dd off to Paris with her Brownie/Guide group when she was 9!

You’re a monster Grin how do you live with yourself. Your poor DD having fun in Paris with her friends.

BertrandRussell · 01/09/2018 08:42

My ds found his year 6 trip very difficult. He loved the activities but found the being away from home very difficult. We all knew he would, but decided together that he would go. We primed the teachers (necessary because day to day he presented as very confident) and he confided in a couple of his friends. He got lots of encouragement and support, had a cry on one of the teachers on the Wednesday, but was soooo proud of himself for going. And, crucially, was able to go confidently on a year 7 residential with lots of new people because he knew he could do it.

dollieollie · 01/09/2018 08:44

@polkerrisbeach is spot on. If the op carries on being negative about the trip and starts off every chore with ‘you’ll have to do this on the residential’ then she will have a rubbish time. Start being positive ask her what shes looking forward to and have a bit of enthusiasm. Help her pack and go out together and get any bits she needs together... make it fun! At the moment I think the only thing that will make the poor girl dislike the experience is that the op has drummed it into her that she won’t enjoy it. Have a bit of confidence in your child if I was the op I’d be hoping my daughter would defy all my expectations on this trip

keeganface · 01/09/2018 08:49

My DD wasn't sure about going on her residential last year. I knew she would be homesick but I encouraged her to go. She was amazing. She tried all the activities and the teachers were really proud of her. Yes she got upset and homesick at night but her friends and the staff were great with her and whenever she is unsure about anything now I remind her about that trip and it gives her confidence.

Trampire · 01/09/2018 09:21

You know what I couldn't stand about my dcs residentals? Bloody competitive parental love on Facebook!

They were away 5 days. 5 days! Facebook was full of weeping emojis, over emotional memes about their dcs 'slipping through their fingers' or 'growing up and not needing them'....followed by endless comments of how much they missed them and were literally counting down the days. At pick up at the end of the week there were tears and hugging, people bringing the whole extended family, presents of chocolates and sweets.

I love my dcs the same as anyone but I can honestly say I didn't really miss them much. Yes, the house was quiet and I checked the school Twitter Page to see what they'd done that day.

When picked up my dcs they handed me their untidy bag full of washing and said they hadn't missed me much as they were too busy.

Fantastic!