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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

school trip

408 replies

sunshineNdaisies · 30/08/2018 17:11

DD is in her final year of primary school here in Scotland and every year they go on a residential trip. I don't want DD to go. DH thinks she should. She's 10, not 11 til end of January.

It's for 5 days, mon-fri at an outdoor education centre. They will be doing things in all weathers like canoeing, abseiling, walks, cycling etc. I've looked up the venue and it's 6 kids to a room, shared toilets/showers, middle of nowhere. The food menu example is all things my DD will hate. No vending machines, no mobile phones allowed, no calls to parents, not allowed to bring own sweets.

It'll be mid November - so very likely to be rainy, cold, windy, lots of midgies.

I know my DD. She's not outdoorsy at all. If there's no food she likes, she wont eat or survive on bread and butter. She will hate the rain, wind etc. She thinks she can take her phone so she can call us - she can't. I can see her being very homesick and upset. Two of the three teachers in charge are teachers that neither DD or myself like. Also, I fully expect my DD to start her periods soon, all the signs are there.

DD says she wants to go but this is because 'all her friends are going'. The cost is £320 and I'd much rather spend this money doing something that DD will actually enjoy, not spending that money only for DD to come home in tears which I'm 99% certain will happen.

DH and his parents think I should let her go for 'the experience' and 'she might end up liking it'. I'm being made to feel like a big baddy.

Also what can I do with DD during that week instead as DH has no annual leave left for us to take her somewhere else.

OP posts:
WilburIsSomePig · 31/08/2018 09:31

No vending machines, no mobile phones allowed, no calls to parents, not allowed to bring own sweets.

OP, why do you think any of these things are more important than her having a fantastic time with her friends and learning so much more than a bloody vending machine will teach her.

She doesn't need a vending machine, a mobile phone, sweets or even a call to you. Talking to parents often just makes kids homesick. I've done Y5/6/7/8 residential trips for years and the ones that surprise you the most are frequently the ones with parents who almost didn't let them come.

I feel a bit sorry for you on here OP, you've had a bit of a hard time, but I can see why tbh. Your daughter has a fantastic opportunity to learn SO much and have a fantastic time and you don't want her to take it. That's such a shame for her.

Trampire · 31/08/2018 09:49

I agree, I don't think the OP will be back again, I think it's pretty unanimous.

formerbabe · 31/08/2018 09:55

My ds is such a fussy eater but when he went on his residential school trip, he told me he ate bacon for breakfast because all the other kids were eating it! He'd never eat that at home. I'd definitely send her...even if she thinks she doesn't want to go, as it draws nearer and the other children are talking about it, I'd imagine she won't want to be left out.

nippiesweetie · 31/08/2018 10:26

OP, she should go. Mainly because she wants to but also because this trip is so early in the school year. I've only been away with P7s at the end of session but I know some schools like to go earlier in order to build relationships between class members and with staff. Classes really do see their teachers differently after a residential.
The children who go are going to grow and change in that short time. Your daughter should be part of that dynamic and would be missing out if she she didn't go.

fuzzyfozzy · 31/08/2018 11:06

I went on a similar thing at 16, was fussy about food. It was the only time I've ever eaten soup with bits in. We'd been so busy and I was hungry, I ate everything.
Give her the chance to enjoy it

BoBro · 31/08/2018 11:12

Dd will hate it

What s terrible attitude to have. 😞
Your dd should certainly try new things and be allowed to go out and have adventures.

She will probably love it actually!

purplecorkheart · 31/08/2018 11:19

Our school did something similar but I was ill and could not go. To this day it is talked about at class reunions. Let her go.

t1mum3 · 31/08/2018 11:28

As someone whose child was excluded from a residential trip for medical reasons (despite me offering to go to, but won't get into that here), I'd say your child is going to feel left out and it will damage their social relationships if they don't go. If she wants to go, send her.

On the other hand, I totally agree with other posters who say these sorts of trips can be an unpleasant waste of time. My other DS was pretty upset by his year 6 one. 8 in a room with some kids that didn't stop shouting at each other for five days. One of the kids decided to teach the rest how to masturbate and most joined in which really upset my son. The petty bullying which goes on at school was magnified over the five days. He climbed a few high ropes, but, meh, he does that anyway (and more challenging stuff).

Whilst I appreciate all the planning involved and the effort by the teachers, I'd rather they didn't do it as I think the only reason to go is not to feel left out. I think we set a bit to much store by the transformative power of these things.

underoverunder · 31/08/2018 11:28

Best not to project your negative feelings about such a triponto your DD. She wants to go. Let her go. Life is for experiencing, getting out of our comfort zone, doing things we think we might not like, broadening our interests and horizons. We should help our children do these things not hold them back. She is an individual, let her find her own joy in life. She is not a mini carbon copy of you.

Children act very differently away from their parents, I am sure your DD will eat something and will join in and have a good time.

user1483390742 · 31/08/2018 11:33

Oh FGS, just let her go! She will get on with it when she is there and won't have her mother pandering to her every whim..she might even enjoy it! Hmm

Pieceofpurplev · 31/08/2018 11:37

OP the only thing that matters is that she wants to go. You have to let her and stop projecting your feelings on to her. She wants to be with friends, will love the activities with her friends and won't care about being cold and muddy.

Don't ruin her chance for independence. You need to allow her to fly on her own path

nokidshere · 31/08/2018 11:45

My fussy eater has never come back from a school residential hungry.

She wants to go. If you can afford it let her go. She'll hate it if you keep,telling her she will.

The worries that parents have are not the worries the child will have. Regardless of any concerns if she wants to push herself to go then you will be doing her a great disservice by telling her she can't just because you think she won't enjoy it.

RandomObject · 31/08/2018 11:51

I remember my primary school residential. It was the highlight of our entire primary experience and I'm the least 'physical outdoor activities' person you have ever met.

We spent weeks before the trip preparing for it and for weeks afterwards all our school project work revolved around it. The two kids who didn't come felt completely left out of everything.

We had kids who didn't want to do certain activities (abseiling mainly) and it was fiiiine, noone made them.

We had to make up our beds. I didn't know how to, one of my roomies got great delight out of showing me how and getting to be mum.

One girl was homesick so teachers gave her special attention.

It was the best.

OneToThree · 31/08/2018 11:52

She wants to go! Poor kid having a parent that stops her doing something that nearly everyone else is doing. What a selfish person you are.

youarenotkiddingme · 31/08/2018 12:45

OP do you do things you so t particularly enjoy as a personal hobby because you're going with friends? Eg visit an art gallery etc?

I've done days out with a friend that wouldn't be something I'd choose to do because I know I'd love the company. Turns out most times I've also loved the actual event as well and I've broadened my horizons!

Same here with your DD - she doesn't care that the activities aren't her favourite - she is choosing the social aspect as her reason to go.

I do think it's fair enough though to tell her if you spend the money then you won't have tears and whinging about it when she gets home!

serbska · 31/08/2018 12:48

I've done days out with a friend that wouldn't be something I'd choose to do because I know I'd love the company. Turns out most times I've also loved the actual event as well and I've broadened my horizons!

The OP doesn't really sound like a 'broaden your horizons' kind of person.

More a sit at home with an oven pizza and watch CBBies in safety kind of person.

seventhgonickname · 31/08/2018 12:58

If your dad want to go even though you've told everything that she will hate then let her go.She won't have a phone but neither will the others and guess what with 5 other girls in her room she won't miss it.
She is growing up.BTW are you going to keep her off school in case her periods start.

seventhgonickname · 31/08/2018 13:01

I am also surprised that this is the first PGL offered.A lot of schools do on in year 2 as well.

dementedpixie · 31/08/2018 13:04

In Scotland we tend to just have one, normally in the final year of primary school - P7

rainbowsandsmiles · 31/08/2018 13:13

Not RTFT. If she wants to go, let her go! She'll have an amazing time, I went to an outdoor education centre last year of primary- abseiling, map reading, caving.... was brilliant!
I know where you're coming from though, DS2 went this year with last year of primary school and I couldn't relax all week until he came home!
Was exactly the same when DS1 went a few years back.
They'll love it though - just try to keep yourself busy and your mind off it for the week! Smile

Glaciferous · 31/08/2018 13:14

Oh please let her go. DD had a blast on hers and she is a skinny weedy child who is definitely not outdoorsy and has never voluntarily done a sporting activity in her life. She had a wonderful time with her friends.

Re the sheets and pillowcase, if your child can't do this now she will quickly figure it out if she wants to be warm and comfortable! It is not rocket science and she and her friends will all help each other.

rainbowsandsmiles · 31/08/2018 13:18

My DS wouldn't go on his Year 5 resi. He knew he'd hate it so I didn't make him go. He's old enough to know his own mind and I know myself he'd have hated what was on offer, as I'm a teacher myself, an ex-Guider and have done plenty of resis and camps

Yeah, that's different though. As in you said HE knew he'd hate it. Dont force them if they don't want to go.
The OP said her DD wants to go. If they can afford it obviously, yes she should be allowed to go as it sounds like OP is projecting her fears onto why her daughter shouldn't go.
I get that, it's horrible, but for their sakes you hide it and tell them they'll have a fantastic time etc.

nhssecretary · 31/08/2018 13:21

She should go
She will have a great time
Try not to project your feelings about teachers to her.
It's one of the best and last memories of primary schools

CrispbuttyNo1 · 31/08/2018 13:24

“We then get told on places like MN that the teachers who go on these trips work incredibly hard looking after the children and are offended that parents arent grateful for their efforts.”

Having seen this every week, I can tell you now that the teachers all work incredibly hard. They are on duty 24 hours a day for the entire trip. Dealing with every problem. Often up through the night sorting out any homesickness, checking medications, and making sure all of the kids are ok. The parents should be grateful that these teachers are willing to go on residentials, away from their own family for a week.

Santaclarita · 31/08/2018 13:29

She'll be fine. If she hates it, she knows for next time.

We did the same thing in primary, but we did a skiing week. An outdoors week was done in high school. Both were fun I preferred the skiing although didn't want to go down the really steep slopes so I wasn't made to. Went inside and had hot chocolate and watched.