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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

school trip

408 replies

sunshineNdaisies · 30/08/2018 17:11

DD is in her final year of primary school here in Scotland and every year they go on a residential trip. I don't want DD to go. DH thinks she should. She's 10, not 11 til end of January.

It's for 5 days, mon-fri at an outdoor education centre. They will be doing things in all weathers like canoeing, abseiling, walks, cycling etc. I've looked up the venue and it's 6 kids to a room, shared toilets/showers, middle of nowhere. The food menu example is all things my DD will hate. No vending machines, no mobile phones allowed, no calls to parents, not allowed to bring own sweets.

It'll be mid November - so very likely to be rainy, cold, windy, lots of midgies.

I know my DD. She's not outdoorsy at all. If there's no food she likes, she wont eat or survive on bread and butter. She will hate the rain, wind etc. She thinks she can take her phone so she can call us - she can't. I can see her being very homesick and upset. Two of the three teachers in charge are teachers that neither DD or myself like. Also, I fully expect my DD to start her periods soon, all the signs are there.

DD says she wants to go but this is because 'all her friends are going'. The cost is £320 and I'd much rather spend this money doing something that DD will actually enjoy, not spending that money only for DD to come home in tears which I'm 99% certain will happen.

DH and his parents think I should let her go for 'the experience' and 'she might end up liking it'. I'm being made to feel like a big baddy.

Also what can I do with DD during that week instead as DH has no annual leave left for us to take her somewhere else.

OP posts:
sprot · 31/08/2018 13:48

My boy didn’t want to go,decided the week before that he did,they were very good and let him attend,he had a brilliant time,he was food fussy but came home having tried new stuff which he enjoyed.
Fast forward to now he definitely didn’t want to go to school prom and age 16 we knew he knew his own mind and he didn’t go

sprot · 31/08/2018 13:51

And it’s normal to not allow phones etc on these trips

GnomeDePlume · 31/08/2018 14:18

If you can afford it then I would let her go if she wants to and encourage her if she has a wobble just before going. My only reason for saying this is because it will probably be the least worst option if everyone else in the year is going.

I think a lot of hyperbolic nonsense has been spouted on this thread and also gets spouted by schools in RL about how amazing and formative these trips are at age 10/11. Those of us who didn't go on such trips from primary haven't grown into stunted adults as a result.

civicxx · 31/08/2018 15:10

@sunshineNdaisies

My daughter has returned from 3 days at PGL in wales which sounds like the exact kind of place your daughter is going on her School trip, climbing, absailing, canoeing, rafting etc sharing a room with 9 others, communal toilets etc in a big Manor House. Other half made the choice that she was going as I am a bit of a cotton wool mum & he knew I was hesitant. Our daughter is 8 and went on her own not with school & had such a good time she's asked to go back in October half term for 5 days! This is the child that hates water (favourite activity was rafting) refuses to sleep without a light (slept in pitch black) and is quite frankly a fussy cow when it comes to food (ate the lot) let her go she'll enjoy herself! Kids just need a push now & again!

Allthewaves · 31/08/2018 15:54

She wants to go so you let her go.

Ariela · 31/08/2018 16:15

She wants to go.
So explain to her that it's all outdoorsy stuff that she doesn't like, and ask her to think carefully - will have a go at everything and try to enjoy it?
Show her the menu example and tell her it's not stuff she will like - but can she try it again (you know she's not tried it for years but her tastes might have changed). Is she prepared to try every meal she is offered, because you don't want her to come home hungry?
Make her aware that there are no vending machines, no mobile phones allowed, no calls to parents, and she is not allowed to bring own sweets. Ask her if she can survive a week without all that? Tell her there will be some days she will miss you and feel she wants to come home, can she try her best to remain cheerful even if sometimes she is missing you, and make the most of her time there because it is an amzing experience
Explain you want her to enjoy the week if she goes, but she has to be absolutely sure she can so all this, because it is a lot of money.

This holiday could be the making of your daughter. Imagine a child that tries new/different foods and is now a less fussy eater, that joins in with activities even if not her favourite or more physical than she normally would, that is happy to survive a week without a mobile. Would that make your life easier?

sheepsheep · 31/08/2018 16:36

I haven't RTFT so this has probably been said a million times over, but I have to post as I was that daughter 20 years ago.

If you don't want to spend the money, admit to it.

But PLEASE do not compile a list of deficits in your daughter to justify your own reluctance surrounding this trip.

All the girls in her class are at risk of starting their periods...some might already have started theirs. It is actually laughable that you cite that as one of the reasons.

As for the food/lack of "being outdoorsy" whatever the fuck that means, and all the rest of the reasons...she is growing up, she needs experience. She needs to be pushed outside of her comfort zone and shown new things, and she needs to start doing all of that away from you.

Itwontrainallthetime · 31/08/2018 16:56

I'm in a similar position my ds is going into year 5 next week and his residential is for 4 days in January it's £80 as they have had money donated to the school for the trip so we don't have to pay too much.
My reasons for not letting ds go are the same as yours plus my son has difficulties in school and my concern is with him not being long going into year 5 he struggles with change and it will be difficult enough for him to settle in year 5 as well as going on a residential.
My MIL said it will be good for him to go etc but my parents have the same view as I do as they see him more and know what he gets like.
I rose my concerns with his year 4 teacher and she just said I would need to speak to the head as one year she did let one child just go for the day and another child was dropped of and picked up everyday which isn't ideal as it's a good 2 hour drive away but for my son to be happy and not miss out on this opportunity then I would do it.

It's the middle of winter and there doing orienteering canoeing etc. I know my son will hate it as he has alot of issues.

All I say go with what your gut is telling you, you know your dc better than anyone.

It's not about wrapping your child in cotton wool. My dd is 7 in Jan and I'd quite happy let her go now if she wanted too as she hasn't got the troubles my ds has. So she will probably get to go when she goes into year 5 when she gets round to it.

If it was for 1 or 2 days then maybe I would consider my ds going but 4 days isn't ideal for my ds.

Gersemi · 31/08/2018 18:28

DSis works in a school where they have the residential in Year 4, and apparently it works fine. If Year 4 can cope, I'm sure Year 6 can.

KnotsInMay · 31/08/2018 18:34

Iwonttrain Does your son want to go?

I can understand thinking twice or saying no if a child is having difficulties in school and/ or doesn’t want to go.

But neither of those seem to apply to the OP which is why, I think, the OP is getting the response that she is.

bruffin · 31/08/2018 19:05

Dd was a counsellor at a summer camp in USA this summer. Her last week was looking after 8 years olds who are doing a week called first steps to prepare them for next summer when they do 4 or 8 weeks at 9 years old.

Donna1001 · 31/08/2018 19:17

I think OP may have got the message & really hope she changes her mind.

I did want to ask about the last sentence of her opening post though. What things can you do with her that week?

If she doesn’t go on the trip, she’ll be expected in school.

My daughter went on a residential trip in year 6. Is nothing outdoorsy, very fussy with food. I had already showed her how to make her bed properly as they’d had a residential trip in year 4.

She had a great time.

Thee were some kids who didn’t go (in year 6), & they had to go to school. They didn’t just get the week off!

Original poster
sunshineNdaisies · 31/08/2018 19:48

She's going.

The next few months will be teaching her to make her bed, do her washing, do dishes, hang washing up etc. She can do most of these things but not well.

I'm still not comfortable with it all and DD thinks she can just ask to go home if she doesn't like it. Her only worry now is being made to share a room with her school bully.

Still not happy with the price either. We can afford it but I'd still rather spend the money on a holiday or activity that I know she will enjoy rather than a trip that she could come home crying from.

But I've been outvoted both here and in RL

OP posts:
harshbuttrue1980 · 31/08/2018 19:57

Some of your points make sense, some don't. What is the problem with sharing a room and a bathroom in general? All the other children will be doing it, and she will be kept so busy that she won't be spending hours in the bath or lying in bed. It sounds a bit like you are spoiling her, when in reality its a learning experience rubbing along with other children. No phones is a good policy, as nothing makes the tears flow faster than a mildly homesick child having a call from mummy! If they don't speak to their mum, the homesickness goes away faster.

However - as a teacher myself, I think it is perfectly common and reasonable for you to contact school if there is someone who is bullying your daughter and make a request that she doesn't share a room with that person. On most residential trips, there are requests like this.

I'm all for children rubbing along with others and learning that the world doesn't revolve around their own whims - but its quite another thing to expect a child to share a bedroom with a bully. Schools have moved on and wouldn't expect her to put up with this.

Celticlassie · 31/08/2018 20:10

I'm so glad, OP. I'm a secondary teacher and when we're talking about happy memories for personal writing they all talk about their p6/7 residential. It's such an important rite of passage.
When I went on mine I wasn't remotely outdoorsy or sporty, and found myself going without most of my close friends and still had a great time.

cantkeepawayforever · 31/08/2018 20:14

Her only worry now is being made to share a room with her school bully.

Tell the school. They will sort this - we take this seriously, and accommodate it all the time.

ChiaraRimini · 31/08/2018 20:16

Do they still go to Dalguise?i went in P7 35 years ago!! I bet it's changed a bit since then.
I was not outdoorsy at all and a fussy eater but as others have said it's a rite of passage not to be missed. We did a hill walk up to a stunning lake on the first day. I nearly took the instructor out on the death slide. My friend was "claustrophobic" so got let off crawling through a tunnel thing at one point. My mum sent me with san pro in case i "started" that week! If she wants to go then let her. Happy memories!

Justnoclue · 31/08/2018 20:19

Re sharing with her bully... simply tell the school and they will accommodate this. I did this for DD in Y6. She never knew of course. I just checked with the school confidentially and they confirmed that luckily she’d not been placed in a room with the child I wanted her to avoid anyway so a none issue in the end.

Yogafailure · 31/08/2018 20:24

My local rural school just did their residential Ardroy and my DS didn't go. I'm not shelling out for P6&7 to do the same thing twice and he has some ASN which means he has some goals to work towards if he wants to go next session too.

We have a few issues with some of the pupils too but the school is so small there's not many options.

zeeboo · 31/08/2018 20:26

This HAS to be a wind up?? Surely no parent actually wants her child to go on residential and have a mobile phone with her and ready access to a vending machine!!
And as for the bed making!! My daughter did her first residential trip with Brownies to an outdoor activity centre age 7. One of the first on their list of tasks for the weekend was to make their beds and though it took team work as many had never done fitted sheets, my dd hadn't as she had a top bunk, they all managed it. They found it fun and their confidence in themselves grew without them even noticing.
That any parent would not allow their child to go on one age 10/11 is utterly, utterly baffling and actually makes me really cross on behalf of your dh and dd.

ladyloopy · 31/08/2018 20:33

Please stop being negative now. Don't make her afraid or ruin it for her.

Act for her not for you, that's what a good parent does.

BellMcEnd · 31/08/2018 20:45

My eldest has just finished the last year of primary and is off to secondary school next week. The school did a “memory book” thing for the pupils and it was almost a unanimous verdict from the children that their year 4 residential where they did a WW2 evacuee immersion was their most favourite part of their time at primary school. They loved it and that was on war time rations!

I think you’re doing the right thing in letting her go, OP.

Gersemi · 31/08/2018 21:32

You can presumably speak to the teacher about not putting her in with the bully.

capercaillie · 31/08/2018 21:34

This was one of the first responses on this thread. Spot on

^^Spend the 320 quid on cotton wool and bubble wrap

HSMMaCM · 31/08/2018 21:40

It's good you're giving her the chance to try this. Be positive about it with her and talk to the school about the bully.