AIBU to think dd shouldn't find out she's in learning support base first lesson b.t.school?

[inashizzle]

Dd is going into yr 8. She went online to look at her timetable and was quite shocked that she will be in learning support base for maths. She was even more angry that it will be with her class tutor that she really does not like.

So Aibu to think a meeting between head of year/senco(who I've never spoken to) would have been appropriate. Bad enough that she found out online 5 days before start school. Had she not, she'd have found out at school, even worse and would've been twice as shocked and upset!

Yes this is really bad. I dont think children should be presented with their timetable in this way anyway. They have no-one to speak to if they have any questions or concerns. Bad management. It seems like the school is just using new technology without thinking about the impact on the students. Please contact them and complain.

I only found out she was bottom set at the end of last year. I had raised concern that she seemed not be improving. I was told that other parents had complained about the teacher and not to worry as he was on his way out/ he had been carving his trade! I'd questioned why was a bottom set being taught by inexperienced teacher and where had the catch up funding for year 7 been?

She loathes being seen as less than average, despite knowing she can not do maths. She won't want to miss first day of term but I feel like ringing before and saying she's not coming in , walking straight into the lesson. I have never had an email with head of senco or spoken to him. I'm raging as I know her self esteem will fall through the floor first day back.

Have you considered a tutor to bring her level of maths up? Is there any online resources she could work through by herself to hopefully get her out of bottom set? I'd have thought that being in the learning support base could be a motivational tool rather than seen negatively - work on the maths and get into a higher set?

If she struggles with maths getting the support she needs is a good thing. When I was in secondary school I found out I was getting additional support when I was in year 8 for writing the morning of the first time by getting a revised timetable. Don't make it out to be a big deal and she'll do fine with it

She struggle with maths but you're complaining that she's getting extra support. She wasn't progressing in the bottom set.

I can't believe the school would have mentioned other parent's complaints to you.

Your daughter also has a problem with her form tutor - she doesn't like them.

I think your daughter's bad attitude comes from you.

I’m sorry but if she’s shit at maths she can’t be put in top set just to help her precious self esteem.

That's pretty unsympathetic TempEmails. Speaking as someone with a child who struggles with school I can say it's really hard to hear your child is in the bottom set or needing extra help, even when logically you know it's a good thing . I have always been sensitive on how I deliver news of results of tests or which sets my Son is in as I know how much his self esteem is affected. Sadly, schools rarely show the same level of sensitivity as its less about the individual which is understandable but really doesn't help when you're left dealing with the fall out.

OP, I imagine the timetables have been uploaded as part of an admin task and no harm was intended. All you can do is email SENCO for clarification.

Has your DD had an Ed psych assessment to understand why she's struggling and what techniques she could use to help? We paid for a private assessment of DS and found it helpful, not least so he could see its not his fault.

ManyCrisps the OP is not saying her child should be in the too set. But we'll done for spotting someones self esteem is precious. It certainly is.

I wasn't aiming for sympathy. I don't really have any. The OP wants to keep her struggling daughter off of school, march in etc.

I don't believe the school would have ever spoken to her about other parent's complaints.

I think she needs to support her daughter and change her attitude if she wants her daughter to change hers.

The OP seems angry in general and wants to blame the school for her daughter's struggles depite them acting well and attempting to address the problems.

@ScoutAtticus

I think you're confused.

Precious is used disapprovingly when someone is behaving in a way others perceive to be over-sensitive.

I missed ops second post. OK, OP, I get it's hard when your child is finding school hard and the school don't seem to help in many ways (ineffective teacher, lack of comms) but raging and not sending dd in is not the way forward. This will be an admin mistake and that's it. But I do understand the feeling of powerlessness when you feel like banging your head against the wall when schools make these mistakes and you know how much it affects your child. But equally, if I had a school full of timetables to upload I can see how this could occur. I'd just talk up how great it is that's she's getting extra help (and it will be) and how it doesn't mean to say its forever. Ideally she would have been told beforehand but don't focus on that. The point is she's going to get more help.

I understand that TempEmails. I was being tongue in cheek given precious has more than one meaning.

I'm sorry i dont really understand the problem. She preforms badly at maths and therefore has been put in the lowest set. Are you suggesting that she should be in a higher set, where shes going to be unable to keep up just because she hates being seen as less than average. Thats not how streaming works. Of course shes been put in the set according to her ablities.

As for looking up her timetable, and if not having had to find out at school. Well tuats how many many people found out for many years. As for not being able to ask questions as a pp saud. Huh what? Are you expecting kids to be able to go i dont like which set im in can i change it please.

As for not liking the teacher, im sorry you cant like every one. And they cant like you.

The only thing i would have a bit of a problen with here is that youve not had imput from or to the senco, its importsnt that the school and parents are singing of the same page so to speak, that she gets the support she needs at school and home. That you have an oppunity to express your concerns etc. Which clearly hasnt been the case if youve not spoken to the senco.

As for her self esteem, as ive said just because she hates being seen as less than average, doesnt mean the school can or should just change her set, you AND the school need to work with her on her confidence etc, again a reason the senco should have spoken to you.

I appricate it can be a very hard to hear your child needs additional help, and i really do understand that, but maybe thats part of your daughters self esteem issues that she feels that you want her to be more than average, this i am not gong to send her in, is sayimg to her its not ok to be in learning support. Im sorry but if thats what she needs then it is ok.

Don’t you think it will be a good thing she’ll be getting additional help with Maths? And when would you have preferred her to find out? First day back wouldn’t have made it any easier. I would back off and see how it goes - at least for a few weeks.

I'm raging as I know her self esteem will fall through the floor first day back

You have a few days to work on this though, and as you say, she didn’t find out at school when you weren’t there to help her. She is struggling with maths and they are giving her extra support, which is what you asked for when you had your meeting about the hopeless teacher. It is only one subject and she doubtless has so many other things going on that she is making brilliant progress in. Unfortunately for people who find it difficult, maths does have to be nailed. Can you sell it to her that she is getting this extra help to unlock her maths really early and she will get on track and forget all of this soon enough? You have a few days to build her confidence and give her lots of love and maybe a few nice treats.

It’s a shame that it’s the class tutor and that they have a less than great relationship. Maybe seeing him/her in a different context will help? Or maybe this is a difficult but ultimately helpful lesson in gritting your teeth in the face of people who you would happily see stumble off a cliff...

You can complain if you don’t like your timetable? Seriously?! I thought you just did what you were told when you were at school?! You know you get given your timetable at school then go to your lessons?

It may well be that they're in the learning support base because that's where there's a free classroom at the time they need it. That's how it works in my school. It is generally the lowest sets who go there because they're the smallest classes and the classrooms are small.

Does she have sen? If so the senco should have been in contact with you at various points in the year. If not, and she's just struggling with maths but fine with other subjects, then I'm not sure how much contact with the school is appropriate, certainly you should have at least one parents evening and some sort of written report.

Is the bottom set smaller than the other groups? Do they get extra support in some way (extra ta in the lesson/small group withdrawal from another lesson sometimes)? I would be trying to work with her to understand that she needs to be in the set she's in so she's working at the right level for her, and that whichever classroom she's in is just a classroom not a statement about her. And, unfortunately, she will always have to get on with people she doesn't like, so the fact she doesn't like the teacher is neither here nor there, as long as the teacher treats them fairly and teaches them the appropriate content.

It is worth looking at a tutor. Across the summer DD2 has been working with someone in a similar position. An intervention with a suitable tutor who can help build your DD's confidence and fill in gaps left from y7 could work wonders and help her improve her confidence.

Bad enough that she found out online 5 days before start school. Had she not, she'd have found out at school, even worse and would've been twice as shocked and upset!

You said you found out at the end of school year that she was in the bottom set. So which set was she (or you) were expecting her to be put into? Surely the learning support.

I can understand the frustration at now being told sooner. HOWEVER what you need to do now is focus on the positives with her, explain it is better to spend the time now getting the right support in order to allow her the best chances in the future. If the struggles carry on then the blow to self esteem come Exam time will be much worse!

Have a discrete conversation with School when she returns by all means, but frame that around how you can further help with penaps a suggestion that moving forward families are contacted to discuss before

Dartmoor, it looks like you're wilfully misunderstanding the issue. It's not that she doesn't like the timetable, it's very clearly that there should have been some discussion and forewarning about going into the learning support group.

I agree that there are positives about this. When DD was put into the bottom set for maths, we were delighted, because the teacher was much better. If your DD is taught by her form tutor and finds it helpful, it may improve her relationship with him/her.

Inexperienced teachers teach the full range of ability. That is how they become experienced.

If your dd was already in bottom set then what is the surprise? The learning support base is just a set of rooms. Nothing has really changed.

Request an appointment with the Senco, request an Ed psych assessment (NB, schools have to pay for this themselves now, so expect resistance because there isn't any money) or arrange one privately. But if you go the Senco be clear in advance what it is you want / want to find out. Don't go marching in throwing a tantrum about a particular room, you'll be embarrassed later.

For all you know, due to timetabling issues, top set might be getting their maths lessons in the learning support base too.

Being with the form tutor in a smaller group might really help their relationship. Can she articulate why she doesn't like her form tutor? Maybe an early meeting with them - e.g. 'I appreciate that one of your styles is to joke with the students and I am sure that works for many of them, but X is particularly sensitive about having to wear glasses and finds it difficult when you do that in class'. It depends of course on what the issues are but often seeing a tutor in a different situation can help both the tutor and student see the person differently. I have been really pleased that dd has had PE teachers as form tutors because they don't see her at her best in PE but through seeing her in class they know she is diligent and works hard just finds PE more challenging.

So, you don’t like her finding out in advance, but don’t think she should have been left to find out once she gets to school. When would you like her to find out?

You asked about the impact of top up funding- which was a very good point, I think the school should have had an answer for this- so now the school are using that funding to support her in yr 8. However, you aren’t happy that she will be receiving small group support at the correct level for her, hopefully allowing her time master the skills she needs to move on. Self-esteem could be fostered in these sessions as she sees progress and success rather than struggling elsewhere and potentially falling further behind. What is your thinking here?

It isn’t easy working through the difference beteeen what a child would like at school and what the best thing would be (currently we are battling/ sweet talking DS into using the additional support aids his school have suggested as he doesn’t like being different) however as adults we can see the long game which children can’t. Sometimes you just have to help them manage a new idea so they get the best out of it.

If you present rage and anger at an idea you don’t like, it will be reasonable for her to do the same. If you say she isn’t going in because you don’t like the teacher or lesson, it is reasonable that she will do the same. That could be setting up a heap of problems for future years.