AIBU to think dd shouldn't find out she's in learning support base first lesson b.t.school?

[inashizzle]

Dd is going into yr 8. She went online to look at her timetable and was quite shocked that she will be in learning support base for maths. She was even more angry that it will be with her class tutor that she really does not like.

So Aibu to think a meeting between head of year/senco(who I've never spoken to) would have been appropriate. Bad enough that she found out online 5 days before start school. Had she not, she'd have found out at school, even worse and would've been twice as shocked and upset!

Hmmm because there's a huge professional issue with a HT sharing with a parent that someone is not good enough to be teaching, yet continuing to employ them.

Can you not see how that is totally unprofessional?

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The head didn't say that! or the head would be disciplined

Going from bottom set to learning base support is not a natural step in my opinion

What would the natural step be though if she isn’t getting on well in the bottom set?

The head did not tell you the maths teacher wasn’t good enough...
Get out of it!
Anyway; if it’s all on the teacher how come the whole class aren’t in learning support, having learnt nothing??

She hates being seen as less than average?

Very rare is the person who is average or above average in all things. The whole point of having an average is that some will fall below, some will rise above and some will be average.

You are over thinking this and have trained your daughter to over think these things. Her self esteem would have been just fine if she was raised knowing that everyone, including her, will do some things great, some things average, and some things not so well, and it's not a big deal as long as she's doing her best. Honestly.

I think you're over reacting (day off school, going in, complaining about her discovering this tragic event online). It's not tragic; it's her schedule. Every single student got one. And it sounds like they're trying to offer her extra support, not hang her out on her own. You should be grateful and supportive, not angry that she's upset.

And not liking her tutor is irrelevant. You get who you get and you get on with it. Tell her if she puts her head down and works hard, she might not need to see her tutor as much next year if the extra support helps her improve in maths.

Can I ask how you didn't know what set she was in before the end of the year? Would it have made a difference had you known earlier?
I'm really confused by this, I always know what set ds is in, because he tells me or I ask. He's moved up and down sets (lack of effort is a big issue for us) and I have no problem with it as he's getting support where it's needed

Just wondering.... when you said good attitude but tends to daydream... whether she might just have ADHD????

Massively under diagnosed in girls as they seldom "act up" like boys... My DD was undiagnosed for years and Maths was the subject that suffered the most. Once she was diagnosed and on regular medication, she described herself as "suddenly being able to think clearly again" and her Maths soared

I would ask to have her assessed by SENCO.... it may not be but if it is it makes a huge difference - especially as unlike boys, girls' ADHD seems to often get worse with the rush of puberty hormones

Just read your last post.
What happens when you email senco?
If they don’t return your emails later ask for meeting with head of year, if no joy go to head and ask what the process is for communicating with senco.

Having read the posts , I am taking in the different angles. I do feel confused as to how to get direct answers from senco; I do feel that a year down the line I have tried to ask for strategies to be placed , even on simple strategies -have my dd work on her own so she does not distract or get distracted .

Self esteem is an issue for all kids. In light of the reports that 1 in 4 girls aged 14 have self harmed, it makes good sense to look after that as much as academic achievement. I still think the school could have communicated more and all I'm trying to do is prevent hassle for the school. I know my own dd don't I? She's not a diva, neither am I . She is a sensitive child and that's just part of who she is.

From the fab mumsnet positive posters, please give me bullet points of how to push for assessments. I've taken on board that a month to see how she gets in, developing the basics would indeed be great, but know it shouldn't stop there. This is the part I know I havn't pushed enough for-

The head did say that , I promise!

I think the op is getting a really hard time on here. The school have communicated a sensitive issue poorly and the op is feeling her dd's potential and very real hurt.

It sounds as if the op's dd is just on the right side of SEN/behaviour concerns and has not been picked up fully to get the support she needs.

It is highly possible with the sensitivity, melt-downs, insecurity and lack of attention and organisation that a or a combination of neuro developmental disorders may be present. Lack of diagnosis in girls especially can lead to depression, anxiety and self harm is the underlying issues are not dealt and the common co-morbidities insufficiently recognised.

I suspect your dd needs help op. Work with the school to get it for her, question by all means but in a constructive way. Go to the GP to see if she can be referred through the behaviour and neuro-developmental pathways (probably not CAMHS) and work with the school to get support for that referral. It may be that you will have to pay for these services if she doesn't meet the minimum NHS thresholds. If you can try to get her help and support as quickly as possible - it might also be helpful to get some support for you too. There is so much literature about the sensitive child and neuro developmental difficulties now. Do access it so you can have informed discussions with school. You are your dd's facilitator and rock.

If you're willing to pay the school to arrange an assessment, it would probably be better to arrange your own. Contact the Dyslexia Association to be referred to suitable educational psychologists.

inashizzle

The best way to get your daughter the help is to work with the school and not against it (with some of the examples you suggested upthread).

Ask for a meeting (ask in writing) between Tutor, HOY, SENCO within the first couple of weeks of term (it's not going to happen on Day 1, Day 1 is hellishly busy for everyone). Ask that you would like suggestions of how you can help DD, and how DD can help herself - ask for timeframes in how the school is going to support you both to do this.

Ask about whether the school think formal testing is appropriate; they may have their reasons for not thinking testing is appropriate.

Ask to see evidence of behaviour, skill level and effort within the subjects you are worried about - and then ask for them to explain it to you in their own words.

Ask what the school propose to do to support your DD - is there a way here self esteem can be worked on, how long do they anticipate she will be in Base, how fair is she missing the attainment grades, can they set an hour of extra work each week for her to complete to gain her confidence, and to pick up to the level she is required (1:1 working for your DD is probably not going to happen at this stage, I know you just mentioned that above, but the reality is very few children get 1:1 support without a diagnosis and even then it's incredibly rare). Ask if it's possible to have more regularly progress meetings / updates then what is being done now.

Also ask if they would recommend a home reward system or similar.

Omg nipintheair, thank you so much. You have communicated that exactly how I should communicate to the school. That's exactly how it is!

In your situation you are going to have to be the squeaky wheel I’m afraid OP-
Definitely follow the pps advice about seeing the GP.

Is DD on the SN register? If she is then you should be having regular contact with SenCo, if not find out what the school policy is about how to contact the SenCo, it may well be that you go through head of year first, but do arrange a meeting with the senco because if School are working with you everything is much easier!

Please don't add fuel to her fire. There shouldn't be stigma attached to accessing help in a weaker subject. If you reinforce her feelings that this is unfair or embarrassing, you're not doing her any favours.

I get that that you are coming from a place of love, but take it from a teacher: kids who are struggling excel in smaller group sizes.

If there's an existing issue with the teacher, get to work on solving it in a productive, open fashion. He/she will teach hundreds of pupils a year and probably doesn't know that your child feels this way. In my experience, teachers don't hold grudges and want to help.

Hope it all goes well!

Actually i feel for the OP.

Whilst I agree that been moved to the LBS sounds logical, it isn’t always obvious or logical when you are the parent. Even less when reports are saying things along thé lines of ‘is working hard, is serious etc’ and only a vague level to give you an idea of where they are.

To start with, At my dcs secondary, they’ve introduced a new level system (thanks to the fact schools have been stripped off of the old guidelines) and 2 years in, I’m still struggling to understand what the new levels actually mean.
So I’ve spent two years thinking that dc2 could do better in maths for example. That there is no way he would reach his alleged level at GCSE carrying on this way to be told that he was fine and doing well. That is until the last parents evening (just after an OFSTED visit....) where the maths teacher acknowledged himself that dc2 could do much better and that HE has let him down because dc2 is able to do much better
Same thing happened in primary, where the teacher spent her 10 mins telling me how a hard worker dc2 is, how he was really pulling his weight etc... that he had some ‘issues’ with reading. Nothing in what she said that would tell me there was anything to worry about (i knew dc2 was finding it hard) Until she casually dropped he was sometimes working as a 1-1 with a TA. I had to go back to see her and ask her if I understood right aka 1-1 with a TA means massive struggles with reading. Lo and behold, yes dc2 was struggling like hell. Right at the bottom of the class. It was the start of me and her working to support dc2. It worked but had I not picked up in the 1-1 bit, I would never have known the extend of his struggles.

All that to say, I actually agree ith the OP. She and more importantly her dd shouod have had a meeting with the SENCO to review wat is going on. It could have been presented a GOOD OPPORTUNITY (which it is btw!) so she can catch up and work on what is causing her problems.
It’s not possible to just rely on people ‘guessing’ either the extend of the struggles a child has or if a child will be moved to LBS.
Parents evenings and reports should give big warnings signals but as I said, it’s nit always the case.....

Matteeffect that's exactly why I posted. By no means would I want to go raging to the school , but as I think she does go unnoticed because there's no behaviour problems, I was getting no where. I have heard a bit of negative attitude from her and did not want it to spiral . She has become a bit cheeky, obstinate. I lay down the law on that one ;
I guess my anger stems from fear that it's a long time to be at school if she feels like a failure to start that I think she can't prevent at the moment and it's been frustrating to convey that to school. I'd be delighted to put every effort to working with the school, and this thread hopefully will arm me with the info to do that .

And I fully agree with an assessment too.
The SENCO should be able to point you in the right direction (do they think more ADHD, autism, dyslexia, whatever else) which might give you a sense of what to ask for when you see your GP.

If possible, I’d rencourage you too to think about going private. CAMHS is really overstretched and not always helpful unless the case is really straight forward ime

I guess my point is there is no need to involve SENCO if there are no special educational needs; it is not their role or purpose.

It is completely natural to struggle in some areas - kids where it is English or Maths are unfortunately at a huge disadvantage because society places so much emphasis on education in both; but we routinely (and I say "we" here as in society) are starting to label children with SEN just for natural weaknesses.

Not every child with a weakness in one area has a SENCO need; particularly if there is a poor teacher/pupil relationship - kids are less likely to work with, or work under, a teacher they hate.

That last post was a cross post - not a response to your latest reply shizzle.

Another idea - do you live in University town, or close to one?

Going from bottom set to learning base support is not a natural step in my opinion

I'm confused. If you think your daughter in the 'bottom set' is of higher ability than those with learning support needs, what level do you think they are at? Your comments (and some others) suggest they are thought to be lower-than-bottom set. I'm sure you don't mean this to be so offensive, but it bloody is.

And this is where it becomes extremely confusing matteeffect On one hand the term everyone's looking for a label makes sense. On the other , what if she gets a lot further down the line and too late?

OP Yabu to expect your own phonecall to explain a timetable. There are 1000 students plus in most schools, a personal call to each is time consuming and unnecessary. The learning support base sounds like a positive step towards extra intervention to help with her maths. What did you expect would happen? In some schools the learning support base is just the name of a classroom and other lessons are timetabled into that room.

You need to think about your reaction to this news in front of your dd. Put the best face possible on and explain that it is a good step to getting the help she needs.