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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think dd shouldn't find out she's in learning support base first lesson b.t.school?

154 replies

inashizzle · 30/08/2018 00:15

Dd is going into yr 8. She went online to look at her timetable and was quite shocked that she will be in learning support base for maths. She was even more angry that it will be with her class tutor that she really does not like.

So Aibu to think a meeting between head of year/senco(who I've never spoken to) would have been appropriate. Bad enough that she found out online 5 days before start school. Had she not, she'd have found out at school, even worse and would've been twice as shocked and upset!

OP posts:
Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 30/08/2018 10:03

Why are you so angry that they’re giving your dd the help she needs?
Did you expect to be given a say in whether she’ll accept the support or not? Confused
I’m not sure how you expected the news to be communicated to you, or why it would have made a difference if you’d been sent an engraved invitation, tbh.
She doesn’t really have an opt out if she’s failing in bottom set.
Why haven’t you got her a tutor if you knew how badly things were going?

BarbarianMum · 30/08/2018 10:22

Yes it's understandable that she would be upset. But you need to be quite clear (with her) that this is a good thing and nothing to be ashamed of. And honestly, it was always going to be unwelcome news to her, however delivered.

Original poster
inashizzle · 30/08/2018 10:24

Im open to getting her a tutor. I've not don't this so far because she is so very stubborn with this area. It's like, no way attitude and whisky I don't like to indulge stubborn, I also see that I can make it an even bigger resistance to learning. Emotionally she's where she should be , but again the resistance from her in this part of her life is, well fierce. I read an article, characteristics of dyslexic; it explained that a child with dyslexia'a brain has to work so much harder, therefore exhausted by the time the school day is done. The problem also is that if I put her in for a private assessment, she would play up, therefore wasting the assesses time. Well there'd be a meltdown just to get her there(she is not a diva generally though, just sensitive and no room for manoeuvre ).And this is just it- the going around in circles with school system. I.e, "we can see that it's not that she dosnt want to do it, it's just not going in". So I say , my instincts are that there is a reason, can we pursue an assessment? Then, nothing.

OP posts:
Original poster
inashizzle · 30/08/2018 10:28

So if you put yourselves in a 12 yr old shoes- especially with so much social pressure these days anyways,would none of yous fall through the floor? How would you stroll on into school and feel !

OP posts:
Anasnake · 30/08/2018 10:29

What English set is she in ?

Aspenfrost · 30/08/2018 10:30

I don’t think you have to “like” your teachers.

Clairetree1 · 30/08/2018 10:33

I don’t think you have to “like” your teachers

absolutely.

Sirzy · 30/08/2018 10:38

It sounds very much as if being in a smaller, more targeted group may be exactly what she needs! What a great opportunity for her!

Original poster
inashizzle · 30/08/2018 10:39

laragreyhound , yes, pretty much close to an engraved invitation , yes!

So when my eldest was at this school we had lots of letters sent outlining gifted and talented systems within the school, achievement awards, invitations to awards nights .If they can send all that info out w.t.f could they not notify us to ease the transition?!

OP posts:
viques · 30/08/2018 10:44

Im a bit surprised that given the list of things you feel are disrupting your child's learning, and the comments the school has given that

A) you did not make an appointment with her hoy and the senco early on in y7 to discuss her needs. You must have had some indication of her problems from her primary, she has not suddenly become incapable in maths, or developed her stubbornness, or possible learning difficulty in y7.

B) researched ways to support her that you feel would help her learning without triggering her stubborn streak, eg online studies, mentoring from a college or 6th former, a recommended supportive tutor etc.

It seems from your posts that you are using the timetable issue to pin a lot of other issues on, some of which it seems you as her parent have been aware of for some time and have not really done much to address either with your daughter or with the school.

Original poster
inashizzle · 30/08/2018 10:44

The school reports don't say what set they're in. We just get 'developing, secure, above secure'. She's in developing for most.I have had no meeting with senco, although she's under senco. I would pay the money to the school for a thorough assessment if it came to it.Its just I've been met with brick walls .

OP posts:
UnderHerEye · 30/08/2018 10:47

OP

If you think your DD has an additional learning need then you need to get her assessed, then you can get the right support in place.

Otherwise you are simply making excuses I’m afraid, saying oh she may have such and such a condition so needs extra help us zero help to anyone, schools can’t fund extra help because Mum thinks the pupil needs it!

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 30/08/2018 10:47

You need to stop with the ”social pressure” stuff and grasp the fact that she is currently failing maths and needs more focused lessons to help her catch up.
All the rest is just nonsense, tbh.
Social pressure hasn’t made her work harder, so far Confused

UnderHerEye · 30/08/2018 10:49

If she is under the senco then you should be meeting regularly with the senco- is she on the schools SN register?

Ohyesiam · 30/08/2018 10:49

But the school would be failing your daughter if they didn’t take this step.

Anasnake · 30/08/2018 10:52

You already said that you knew she was in bottom set so why would school notify you about something you already knew ?
This all seems to be about the fact that your daughter does not want to be in a different set to her friends. Have her friends all been looking at their timetables on line and asking who's got what ? The school is more concerned with her education and putting her in the right place than 'social pressure '.

Original poster
inashizzle · 30/08/2018 10:57

I have asked for appointment with senco- I got no where. I've spoken to head of year a good few times . Not much has been done other than teachers know to adjust the whiteboard. I have an appointment for eyes regarding irelens syndrome. If anyone can outline a specific list for me to address with the school I would really appreciate.

She did start of so willingly with homework although it is limited. She can read, will not read aloud as she says it blurs etc. She says coloured overlay does not work(not sure if this again is an immaturity combined with self conscious and stubborn ).
I am aware that she has to get on with to get anywhere. I really do often gently explain learning differences and for her to ask for help. I do realise parent support is vital. A heads up would've been good, particularly as the head did say in such a way that the maths teacher was not good enough!

OP posts:
TheMatteEffect · 30/08/2018 10:57
  1. You state you asked school for help.
  2. You say you knew that your daughter was in the bottom set and not improving.
  3. Your daughter is now being given extra support in that area

"WAHHH THEY'VE RUINED HER SELF ESTEEM AND I'M NOT GOING TO LET HER GO IN ON THE DAY THE EXTRA SUPPORT STARTS"

Original poster
inashizzle · 30/08/2018 10:58

Going from bottom set to learning base support is not a natural step in my opinion

OP posts:
TheMatteEffect · 30/08/2018 10:58

particularly as the head did say in such a way that the maths teacher was not good enough!

The head needs to be reprimanded then.

TheMatteEffect · 30/08/2018 10:59

Going from bottom set to learning base support is not a natural step in my opinion

It is when someone is not improving, which is what you said you were aware was happening. Bottom set are expected to improve, if they don't it's LBS for more individualised and tailored support.

Original poster
inashizzle · 30/08/2018 10:59

Thematteeffect
AND?!

OP posts:
LIZS · 30/08/2018 11:00

And given there are still a number of days to go before term starts the school may yet be in touch. Are dc expected to login ahead of the new school year or did they just chance it? You asked for help to address the issue and apparently school has responded.

OddBoots · 30/08/2018 11:01

It sounds like it is more the lack of information rather than the fact she is getting extra support, that does seem like they haven't handled things well and it is understandable you are concerned.

Has she does any work over the summer that may mean she can progress out of the learning support quickly? If not could you work with her on a plan to do so over the next term or so? If it was a temporary thing she might cope better with it.

Original poster
inashizzle · 30/08/2018 11:02

Do you work in the education system matteeffect? Reprimanded for what?

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