Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think dd shouldn't find out she's in learning support base first lesson b.t.school?

154 replies

inashizzle · 30/08/2018 00:15

Dd is going into yr 8. She went online to look at her timetable and was quite shocked that she will be in learning support base for maths. She was even more angry that it will be with her class tutor that she really does not like.

So Aibu to think a meeting between head of year/senco(who I've never spoken to) would have been appropriate. Bad enough that she found out online 5 days before start school. Had she not, she'd have found out at school, even worse and would've been twice as shocked and upset!

OP posts:
monkeysox · 30/08/2018 07:19

Yabu she needs the help.

Mominatrix · 30/08/2018 07:22

YABU - is it really such a surprise that someone who is in the bottom set for maths and has been struggling is now put in learning support?

What have YOU done to support your daughter over the summer with maths? If she is self conscious about being below average in maths and you are aware of this - did you provide ways for her to review her weak points in maths and try and improve her skills? Do you have a tutor in place to help her or have found on-line resources?

Why are you displacing your frustration to the school who are trying to address your daughter's needs?

premiertav · 30/08/2018 07:30

I can't understand what's wrong at all.

She needs support with maths, she is going to get it. Honestly OP, what is wrong with that?

All the nonsense about how she found out - it's just a part of her timetable and no different to finding out any other part of her school day.

Biologifemini · 30/08/2018 07:34

Can you arrange tutoring?
Your daughter needs support so better to get it sooner rather than later. It sounds like she will need more support at home.

MorseandLewis · 30/08/2018 07:35

If she doesn’t know her times tables then sign up for times tables rockstars.

Cracking those opens maths up.

Anasnake · 30/08/2018 07:45

Total non issue. She needs support and she's getting it.

lightlypoached · 30/08/2018 07:49

it must be difficult having the info served up like that.

my DD struggled with maths and was so upset at being put down a set but it ended up the best thing as she learned far more easily with teaching pitched at her level. She ended up getting a B at GCSE

I can strongly recommend www.khanacademy.org/ as a resource - it explains all of the maths concepts from basics up to advanced. oh, and its free!

LIZS · 30/08/2018 07:50

What is your concern? That you were unaware she was being offered additional support for maths or that it happens to be the first lesson. Ime the first morning back rarely runs to usual timetable anyway with extra assembly and registration periods.

RedSkyLastNight · 30/08/2018 07:52

So how should she have found out? Is OP suggesting that she (and presumably every other child that has learning support for any subject) should be quietly pulled aside on the first day to explain the reasons why the school have chosen to put her in that group? My secondary school DC would find that excruciating.

HermioneGoesBackHome · 30/08/2018 07:53

OP can you clarify what yu mean by Learning Support?
At my dcs school, Learning Support is for children with SN/SEN so being in a such class wouldn’t be JUST about struggling in maths. It would also mean there are some much deeper issues.
If this is the case, then I understand your and your dd reaction.

If this is about being in the bottom set, like she was last year, then I dint think it is as surprising.

I would go and have a chat with school (regardless of whether there is a relationship with SN/SEN or not) to

  • understand where exactly your dd is
  • how you can work with the teacher to improve her maths, what’s causing her to struggle etc...
  • if there has been an issue with the teacher last year, how will the children be supported this year.

I would also get a tutor, mainly because sometimes some children do need that extra support/someone to explain things in a different way.

Oh I also don’t think there is such a thing as ‘Not doing maths’. You have children who are struggling more but in Y7 or Y8 (esp in bottom sets) they are still learning basics that she will need in everyday life.

Feefeetrixabelle · 30/08/2018 07:54

I think your letting your dd’s upset cloud your judgement Op. she was struggling in the bottom set you both should have expected her to be in learning support this year otherwise she would just be getting further behind.

BigGreenOlives · 30/08/2018 07:56

My daughter has been tutoring a yr 8 going into yr 9 neighbour over the summer, just an hour a week but this will have kept maths in the younger student’s mind. She’s also been doing maths herself, she’s doing A level, as she knows you have to practice. Can you work out where the gaps are & focus on them?

PumpkinPie2016 · 30/08/2018 08:10

I'm sorry to hear that your daughter was upset when she found out that she was in the learning base for maths. In an ideal world, the school would have informed you, however, rightly or wrongly, secondary schools are busy places and sometimes, we felt on pupils relaying things to parents.

For the moment, to ease the transition back to school, talk to your daughter about the positives e.g. I know you find maths difficult and struggled in Y7 so this will be really good as you will be able to get more help. If you work hard, you might move up eventually.

What is the issue with her form tutor? Again, sometimes, pupils prefer some teachers to others but unless there are major issues, we just have to get in with it. Increased contact may help. Or, politely have a chat with the tutor along the lines of DD is feeling quite anxious about the learning base sessions, can you just keep an eye on her.

It's hard when things are not as expected but encourage her to start the year positive and hopefully, it will work out fine for her - these things usually do.

Original poster
inashizzle · 30/08/2018 09:20

To suggest , what did I suspect, if she was in bottom set, I shouldn't be shocked she's in learning support- yes I can be. I'd only found out at the end of the year and I would've thought they'd have known by then and indicate a reason for her non progress , at least start talking regarding how student could improve or if there were learning needs.

OP posts:
Original poster
inashizzle · 30/08/2018 09:29

We have never shown bad attitude towards our dds education . We allow her to have her opinion , but make it clear that she has to conform without attitude , outline regularly that the school have consequences and if all else failed , there would be consequences at home. The school report system changed this year, no written report, only grades. I did push a little, the head of year got a round robin summary; there is no bad behaviour , although she is very easily distracted , teachers believe she had good intention to learn but quite often is in a world of her own , gets wrong end of stick.

I'm not saying that the school should have snowflaked dd- but to be prepared would've been helpful?

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 30/08/2018 09:35

Do you really think the school should meet with every parent whose child is in the lowest group for each subject "to break the bad news to them"? That's making it sound like some sort of terrible punishment. Your dd is in the group appropriate to her ability. Rather than getting upset/angry she needs to embrace this as a chance to improve in a subject she finds tricky, working with a teacher who can help her to do this. Improving her maths will raise her self-esteem. Your job is to ensure she is getting the teaching and support she needs to do this (so keep a close eye on what is going on and maybe ask to meet w the teacher to agree progression targets and keep an eye on your dd to check she is doing the work).

Clairetree1 · 30/08/2018 09:39

why was a bottom set being taught by inexperienced teacher
you will find almost all her teachers will be inexperienced, as the UK has a critical lack of experienced teachers.

This is because they walk out.

You will find that one of the reasons they walk out is because of parental attitudes like yours.

just be grateful she HAS a maths teachers. Many children don't.

Anasnake · 30/08/2018 09:40

If she's in a bottom set it'll be a small group so she'll get more attention. If she's in the learning support base then there'll be extra resources such as IT and possibly extra TA help. The school is trying to help her. The issue seems to be her perceived embarrassment as being in the bottom set. Blaming everyone else, refusing to go into school and raging is ridiculous.

noblegiraffe · 30/08/2018 09:41

indicate a reason for her non progress

Haven’t you got this with ‘easily distracted and in a world of her own’?

Has she always been like this since primary school or is this a new, secondary school thing?

Thymeout · 30/08/2018 09:45

First of all, tell her that Jamie Oliver was in what was called the remedial stream for English - and look where he is now.

Secondly, you need to step back. This is a positive for your dd and you're focusing on reasons to complain about it. Ime, the timetable is v fluid until very late in the day. They may not even have decided who was going to be in the LSB for Maths until the last moment. Obviously, numbers are limited. Which pupil needed it most? No time for meetings with you - and it's their decision. You surely wouldn't have argued with them about it?

You and dd have 5 days to get used to the idea. She'll get extra help, which you agree she needs. It's not permanent. If she works hard and improves, there's a good chance she'll be moved up.

Not liking someone she has to work with is going to happen again and again in her life, if it hasn't already. She's old enough to learn how to make the best of it.

Obviously be sympathetic. It's a disappointment. But it's not the end of the world and it will be much better for her than struggling at the bottom of a set and getting nowhere. She could be the best in this one, which will give her a bit of a boost, especially if she finally gets to grips with the basics which has been holding her back.

Original poster
inashizzle · 30/08/2018 09:56

Yes barbarianmum, I think we should have been given more insight .
She's not a natural academic, she does resist learning in some areas; this might be down to poor working memory ( the secondary school has copy of this assessment).

I have considered a dyslexia assessment as she has characteristics of that or a.d.d inattentive type. Over the years I've been given very brief hints but when I have asked for more explanation / assessment, it's been shut down .
My dd largely complies within the school setting but because she has a huge thing about being seen as different by her peers, maybe I've been so aware of this, I've asked for a couple of measures to be implaced, but not wanted to railroad school and also know dd is ridiculously stubborn - possibly due to a learning need, met with extreme low confidence.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 30/08/2018 09:57

Op, does your child have diagnosed additional needs? I'm curious why you think senco should be involved?

Anasnake · 30/08/2018 09:59

Your issue is your daughter not wanting to seem different to her friends.

BarbarianMum · 30/08/2018 10:01

I think you will get the best insight if you let the new teacher work with your dd for a month then meet with them. Suggest to your dd that she leep an open mind for a month and then go and meet w the teacher together.

If you feel the ability to concentrate is beyond the norm then it may be worth persuing that also. Although your dd is not at an age where she's likely to welcome being told she's "officially different" if she os, it's probably best to know and have this recognised.

Original poster
inashizzle · 30/08/2018 10:03

Can I just stress, I'm not expecting the school to transform her into a maths genius. It's ok with me that she's in low set. It's about how my dd would feel. Had she not seen the timetable she would have emotionally flipped. Not me . Just a regular 12 yr old that like them all, is sensitive!

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread