To ask people to pay- 40th birthday party?

[1981m]

Hi all
Looking for some advice and thought her most responses on AIBU.

It's my dh 40th birthday soon. He doesn't want a fuss but I have managed to persuade him to mark the occasion in a small way.

We are going to go to my parents holiday house for the weekend with 3 couples and their dcs. I had the idea to have a sit down meal provided by and served by caterers. This will be adults only after kids gone to bed. This works out about £25 pp for three course meal plus cheeses. AIBU to ask people to pay for this? We are providing the house and all facilities so apart from food it would be only expense for everyone.

We were planning on providing and paying for the drinks that evening for everyone too OR the food and people bring own drinks? Which do you think would be best?

We have been to a few birthdays with a sit down meal and set menu and have always been asked to pay per person before.

I think that especially in view of the fact that you are getting the venue free (presumably you aren't paying your parents rent) then I think it is cheeky to ask people to pay for their own meal.

Viv, they're paying the parents £20 a couple.

OK thanks Bluelady. I'm a bit late to this thread. I suppose on the whole it depends what the usual is in the OP's circle. If she has paid for her own on other birthday meals then it's fine. I'm from the generation where if you invite somebody you pay for their food.

£20 per couple is pathetic though, that's not going to cover all the costs is it;
Laundry of bedding and towels
Cleaning of the place
Utilities
what if there is any damage to be repaired or items replaced?

Who's paying for the other meals and the children's food?

Will you be paying for their travel? no, then it's not the only thing the others will be paying for.

I would still provide a few bottles of wine but also ask people to bring their favourite tipple. Asking people to pay towards the caterer is not on

They bring a bottle each, you provide the main meal (curry/casserole/lasagne/other one pot dish) one couple provides a starter, one provides a side, one provides a dessert. You could perhaps provide an additional dessert for choice - something simple but delicious, like Eton Mess, or even a shop bought torte etc. How does that sound, OP? No money needs to change hands and everyone feels involved.

Can't believe your parents are charging you!! Seriously that's super tight, why are they charging You?

Friends always pay in a restaurant , never in a home invite situation, especially when there is no choice of food, what about vegi. intolerances? dislikes? I'd be pissed off to pay for a meal that wasn't to my liking

EHHH?

I don't understand why you're getting a flaming here. Surely if you went out for a meal to a restaurant for someone's birthday you'd expect to pay for what you'd eaten. I don't see how this is any different so I'd be 100% fine with it!

Because you never charge people when you invite them to your ( your parents) home
You don't charge when you have a dinner party do you ?

100% none of my friends would have a problem with this. Even if we are having a drinks party everybody chips in with a few nibbles. We are all a bit skint I never have enough to cover everyone st our birthdays so happily pay our way and if we can't afford it don't go or do a bit of th3 night that us cheap. (ie miss the meal or don't drink if out.) On MN having 300 quid spare for a night seems like nothing. Not round where I live.

this is a dilemma,
m personally, I would think it rude of me to ask people to pay for food or drinks when I invited them to a party/event.

The only time I would not feel cheeky would be if me and my friends where organising and planning a joint event/party together, for example, I would cover the cost of the food, (I am a caterer so i would purchase prepare and cook and serve as it makes most sense) friend A cover the cost of drinks, friend B cover the cost of entertainment/decorations depending on the type of event, with an agreement of after tose costs are covered if you want to bring anything else along that is entirely up to you at your expense....which usually happens one of my friends will see some nice wine/beer/spirit, nibbles sweet treat and bring them along, they will share with the others we all usually bring something extra and just say there is such and such in the cupboard/fridge/table help yourself guys!
and the three of us split the cost of the venue equally, if you and your husband have decided to do this little event then you should be paying all costs, you have invited them along you should be paying it is not something you have planned with them it is something you have planned and asked them along
however what i have put is the norm for me and my friends and family

would you be happy if you had been invited to a wedding reception and asked to cover your three course meal?

"PS people wouldn't be able to pick their own food options. Everyone has to have the same so it would be easier."

So lets get this straight. You want people to pay for food they may not like or may not be able to eat . For a party you're throwing.
Well you are a trier. I'll give you that.

This is making me think Gormet night in Fawlty Towers. When there is only Duck on the Menu.
Diner. I mean is this all there is Duck.
Basil. Yes done of course In 3 extremely different ways.
Dinner. And what do you do if you don't like Duck.
Basil. Well if you don't like Duck, you're rather stuck.

Are people STILL going on about this?

Again, OP decided on page 3 that she wouldn’t be charging!

Perhaps battered eyelash could be a menu option...should work out fairly cheap...

I would maybe provide some wine but maybe ask guests to bring along some booze which can be very expensive depending on your friends so they have contributed a little or do something else if you can’t afford it.

We have recently been invited to a joint birthday party in plush accommodation the couple hosting (family) are very well heeled and haven’t asked for a bean towards the cost of the entire weekend. They also have outside caterers in for a meal on one of the nights with a choice of two starters, two mains and a choice of two desserts. I asked DH if we should maybe phone them and ask whether they want us to bring along anything I.e a dish for one of the nights or some alcohol or whatever or whether I should ask this question on the WhatsApp group for the celebration but DH says no (as it’s opening up a can of worms) and it’s his family. Also having just been on holiday and not in the same income bracket and moving in different circles. If they turned round and. asked for a real contribution to the cost of our room (which must be costing a fortune and is way superior to anything we are used to) and way outside and above our budget we would be struggling. We will definitely take along some booze. But I am also worried they may turn round and say the weekend is £600-£800 per couple or something as really we need a quiet inexpensive couple of months.

No I wouldn't ask guests to pay to attend a party. If you hired a venue you would have to pay for room hire and food. I would also pay for the basics as in few boxes of red and white wine, a few boxes of lager also enough bottles of bubbly for the toast. I would put on the invites to bring your own poison! As you cannot be expected to provide all the alcohol. The food could be a home made chilli con carnie, roast or even a buffet. If this feels too expensive then perhaps going out for dinner might be better.

Not read whole thread - but I asked people to pay £30 for my 40th dinner. But it was in a restaurant not a private home. I made clear what was people were being asked to do on invite - pay £30 for food and I would cover drink. I also cover the service charge which I hadn't realised was extra and didn't feel I could ask on the night for more money so I just paid it. And I specified no gifts. I don't think people thought I was CF - I think they realised that if I was to pay for everyone it would cost me £1000. And I think they were v happy with me covering all the booze (restaurant was byo - I spent £250 in Majestic Wines). Or aye they did and were too polite to say it, in which case they should have just declined invite

With all due respect, if someone invited me over for their birthday party and asked me to pay for accommodation, bring my own drinks and paying for the caterer as well- jeez, I don't think I will ever see that birthday person's face again. It is your birthday party- you are inviting everyone. I think it is cheap to ask people for money. Why are you so desperate to celebrate if you can't afford it or don't want to spend money? Your parents are asking you to pay when you have friends over? And you see nothing wrong with that? Especially since it's a birthday party.

You yourself said this is common in your life, then why post about it here?

I’d happily go to a wedding even and pay for myself, a birthday celebration of course I would. People don’t usually ask if they are wealthy!

I love to celebrate milestones with the people I LOVE so you could count me in 💖✨🍾🥂🎉