To ask people to pay- 40th birthday party?

[1981m]

Hi all
Looking for some advice and thought her most responses on AIBU.

It's my dh 40th birthday soon. He doesn't want a fuss but I have managed to persuade him to mark the occasion in a small way.

We are going to go to my parents holiday house for the weekend with 3 couples and their dcs. I had the idea to have a sit down meal provided by and served by caterers. This will be adults only after kids gone to bed. This works out about £25 pp for three course meal plus cheeses. AIBU to ask people to pay for this? We are providing the house and all facilities so apart from food it would be only expense for everyone.

We were planning on providing and paying for the drinks that evening for everyone too OR the food and people bring own drinks? Which do you think would be best?

We have been to a few birthdays with a sit down meal and set menu and have always been asked to pay per person before.

Inviting people to a party in order to please your DH and then expecting them to pay for the privilege is not very hospitable, is it? Your party, your bill. Can't afford it? Don't do it. Do what you CAN afford and share it with a good heart.

DBIL isn’t married so took the view that it was his “big do” funnily enough he’s in a long term relationship any now likely to get married

Well you could save a fair bit of money by not going to the stag/ hen dos and the wedding and buying him a very cheap toaster for a present!

OP I know you've changed your mind and the thread has moved on but your original suggestion sounded OK to me, so long as you were up front with people. The only real sticking point I could see was the set menu. As PP have said, you'd be hard put to find one thing to suit everyone. Friends of mine had a big 40th do at a country house and they paid for the house and for the ingredients for the food. Guests brought drinks and cooked the food. It was great - and since many of the guests didn't know each other, sitting around chopping veggies and nattering was a really good way of meeting people.

OPif you really thought that charging people was fine, you wouldn't be posting about it on here...

Maybe op has sounded out the guests, and been met with incredulous horror

I would ask them say hey guys are know your coming away etc but I had an idea of having adult time I lovely meal prepared and severed to us while we sit and chat. My mates would pay up it's £25 each compared to what they would be paying if you all went out? I would ask see what they say sl

I am amazed at how many people are against this idea! It sounds wonderful OP. Far more cost effective for all your guests than them going out to a restaurant AND paying for a babysitter. (Maybe excluding travel?) Plus, they don’t have to dash off early to get home and pay the babysitter before it’s an unreasonable hour.

I would be more than happy with this set-up. Lovely food, great company and a whole weekend with the my friends and all our families. I’d do this even if I had to contribute towards the accommodation, because that’s friendship - wanting to spend time with your friends. The CF’s here are those expecting to get free dinners/weekends away all the time!

Enjoy your weekend, it sounds great!

Looks The reason people are bewildered by the OP requesting payment is because they are not a group of friends who arranged to go away together. It was the OP’s suggestion and it is for the main benefit of having a birthday celebration for her husband.

Of course if they frequently go away as a group, it is different. But the OP never said this. Hopefully she will let us know though I would hazard a guess the answer is they do not go away as a group usually?????

433 responses already but just to add that my ds(15) has just gone off for a four-day stay in a *** resort with five other friends and the parents of the birthday girl. I asked if I could contribute and the mum accepted gratefully.

You really can't expect people to pay for something they don't ask for. If you're hosting, you're hosting. Make it a drinks party if you can't afford a sit-down meal. If your friends offer (as they probably should), great, but don't count on it.

18 pages and only on pp has mentioned the paid for meal with children disturbing it.

I know my kids would not settle until late in strange accommodation.

Also at your parents charging you £60 for one night.

I find it bizarre that your parents are charging you and your DH to use their house, tbh. Surely they could offer that for free, at least this time for his birthday, even if they normally don't?

5-star, not 1!

We don't want free meals and weekends away all the time. We just have traditional views of hospitality. We all pay for our guests when we invite them to celebrate with us. It's perfectly normal for a lot of people.

Maybe you could do things a bit differently to save money. My favourite ever hen party was a bunch of us in a holiday cottage. We all bought a dish, chilli, risotto etc. and all shared, it was really nice and everyone bought something delicious. It was cheap and a great way to spend time together. We also brought wine etc. It might not work for you but it was really nice.

Why can't you have a party at home like normal people do?

I'm in a minority here, but if you'd all agreed to go away in a group and hired a house, you'd share food costs. This is no different really... except no-one is having to pay for accommodation! The compromise of asking people to bring some drinks while you pay for the caterers seems sensible. Hope you have a great weekend

Gland you have it all sorted.

We had this recently where we are throwing a party for MIL and couldn't afford food and drink at naice venue.

DH said we buy the food as people expect to buy their own drinks.

And so that's what we have done.

Of course it's different. Op is the host, having invited the others to celebrate her DH's birthday.

Well I certainly wouldn’t mind paying considering your sorting everything else out think it’s absolutely fine to ask before hand for the money for their meal I wish I had friends like u that was willing to front cost of my weekend away good for u and I hope u have a lovely time

And it’s going to cost them money to get to sought (not sort btw) after area. Maybe babysitters involved, presents. Think you need to be more generous with your invite idea.

@NorwichCatLady - there's a difference between a group going away for a weekend (yes, everyone chips in) ... and hosting a party that you're inviting people to, surely.

Is this real?!

I wish I had friends like u that was willing to front cost of my weekend away
It's a little garbled, but I assume that's sarcasm, Carly?

I wouldn't mind paying, ignore the haters!

Haters . Grow up.

The 'haters', as you call them, are people with enough nous to host a decent shindig, that doesn't require their guests to put their hands in their pockets!