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AIBU?

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Original poster

What's reasonable here?

190 replies

hotstepper4 · 28/08/2018 15:08

Last week, myself and dh went to a fete with our 4 dc - my ds7 and his dc, my dss8, dss5 and dsd10.

Dsd wanted to go on the bouncy castle, so she took off the charm bracelet she was wearing, and gave it to dh to hold on to. He put it in his fleece pocket.

Later, there was a sudden downpour of rain. Torrential and totally unexpected. All the dc were only wearing t shirts, dh hurriedly took his hoody off and put it on dss5. We were then running across a field to get shelter.

When we got home, dh took his hoody off dss5, and we realised that the charm bracelet was missing. We think it must have fallen out of the pocket when dss5 was running.

Dh exw has gone mental, apparently the bracelet was a Pandora one and is worth 500.00. We had no idea.

She is demanding we replace it. We don't have that kind of money. Dh thinks she shouldn't have allowed dsd to wear such an expensive bracelet to begin with.

Who is being u?

OP posts:
CripsSandwiches · 28/08/2018 15:12

I think she should have warned you about the bracelet - it's fine for her to send DSD to you with an expensive bracelet on (DSD should feel free to wear her nice things at her dad's) but you should know to take special care of it. I would certainly offer a contribution towards it - it was DH's fault that it got lost, but not the full amount (which by the sounds of it you can't afford anyway).

Pengggwn · 28/08/2018 15:13

Morally, I'm going to have to side with the ex-wife. DH took custody of the bracelet, so he was responsible for its loss.

Practically, I (as DH) would be telling the ex-wife that I accept responsibility but it won't be replaced until it becomes affordable, as sending her with such an expensive item without communicating about it was very foolish.

ChangerChangerson · 28/08/2018 15:15

I agree with a contribution because really if a child is going to have such expensive things they should be more careful with them or at least understand the risks of taking it off.

Bombardier25966 · 28/08/2018 15:17

Stepdaughter was responsible in asking an adult to look after it. Adult failed to do so.

It's husband's fault it went missing. He needs to somehow put the situation right.

Armchairanarchist · 28/08/2018 15:17

DSD did the right thing. I think you should replace it.

Bombardier25966 · 28/08/2018 15:18

if a child is going to have such expensive things they should be more careful with them or at least understand the risks of taking it off.

More careful than handing it to a responsible adult?

runningscare · 28/08/2018 15:19

£500.00 for a Pandora ... are you sure? These are cheap as chips .... you should be able to pick up a replacement cheap enough.

Shoxfordian · 28/08/2018 15:20

Yeah you should replace it
Stepdaughter gave it to an adult to look after

Shoxfordian · 28/08/2018 15:20

Pandora isn't cheap!

Pengggwn · 28/08/2018 15:21

The basic bracelet isn't all that expensive but the charms can be. It depends on how many she had.

Anyway, I think the fact that she took it off and gave it to her dad should have indicated to him how much she valued it.

TroubledLichen · 28/08/2018 15:21

What a silly thing to allow a 10 year old wear. That said, it was your DH that lost it, your DSD obviously took the value of the bracelet seriously enough to remove it before getting on the bouncy castle. I think the fair thing to do is offer half the cost towards a new one and ask the ex not to send the children wearing such high value items, particularly without warning you again.

fuzzyfozzy · 28/08/2018 15:22

Ask for the receipt so you get the same thing. Mine cost nothing like that.

BarbaraofSevillle · 28/08/2018 15:23

What sort of fool sends a 10 YO to the fair wearing a £500 bracelet, or even buys them one at all?

If the OP and her DH had have known it was worth so much, they wouldn't have let her out of the house wearing it, surely?

An expensive lesson for DSDs DM is the only answer.

cheesefield · 28/08/2018 15:25

No way was it £500. More like £100-150. How many charms were on it?

DSD was daft to wear it to a fete, but tbf DH should have put it somewhere safer. How old is DSD?

BigBlueBubble · 28/08/2018 15:25

How many charms were on it? There would have to be at least a dozen or more to make it worth £500. I agree it was foolish to let a 10yo wear such an expensive item, maybe to attend a special party but certainly not to go to a fete. At the very least your DH should have been warned to take care of it. I’d refuse to replace it - you weren’t to know it was valuable and it’s the mothers fault for letting the child wear it.

Inertia · 28/08/2018 15:26

It’s your husband’s fault, he’s responsible for losing it.

I take it you’ve already checked whether it was handed in to fete organisers or the police?

Is it insured? Your husband might be able to claim on his insurance if exwife can provide proof of purchase.

Rebecca36 · 28/08/2018 15:28

I do feel for you. Though your husband was technically responsible for looking after the bracelet, accidents happen.

As has been suggested, you could offer to buy another but when finances allow. It's a lot to fork out in one go.

Pandora has outlet stores online (I just looked), where things are cheaper and it's also worth looking at ebay and amazon for second hand.

It was silly to send a child out with such an expensive item and hopefully ex wife will realise that and be reasonable.

Tessellated · 28/08/2018 15:28

It was silly of both the ExW and your DSD not to make your husband aware of the cost of the bracelet. If you don't have the money spare then obviously it would be stupid to replace it.

Sometimes shit things happen, that aren't anyones fault. Sometimes, sadly, this means that valuable items get lost or broken. That's life.

OutPinked · 28/08/2018 15:29

Doubtful it was £500 unless she had 10+ of the most expensive charms on it. No idea who thinks it’s a good idea to get a ten year old such an expensive piece of jewellery and lets them wear it to a fair Confused.

Having said that, she was responsible enough to ask your DH to look after it and he’s failed to do so. The ex wife is being reasonable asking for him to replace it.

BewareOfDragons · 28/08/2018 15:29

See if it's covered on her mum's home insurance?

Pengggwn · 28/08/2018 15:29

The poor child if it isn't replaced, though! It is clearly precious. The charms are probably presents. What's he going to say, yes, you gave it to me to look after, yes, I lost it, no, you can't have another one because it's your mum's fault? Why doesn't he know what she is wearing/what those items might be worth?

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 28/08/2018 15:30

And this is why a 10 year old shouldn't have a bracelet worth £500. Surely if it's truly worth that figure (which I doubt) it'll be covered on her house insurance for loss?

LeighaJ · 28/08/2018 15:30

Geez she lets her 10 year old daughter run around with £500 on her wrist (unbeknownst to any of you) and her Dad is the irresponsible one? Hmm

GoatWoman · 28/08/2018 15:32

Oh dear. Was it the ex-W's bracelet that she let her DD borrow?

LeighaJ · 28/08/2018 15:32

@Pengggwn

I don't know any men that haven't bought a Pandora charm or bracelet that would recognise one and certainly wouldn't know how expensive they are.

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