What's reasonable here?

[hotstepper4]

Last week, myself and dh went to a fete with our 4 dc - my ds7 and his dc, my dss8, dss5 and dsd10.

Dsd wanted to go on the bouncy castle, so she took off the charm bracelet she was wearing, and gave it to dh to hold on to. He put it in his fleece pocket.

Later, there was a sudden downpour of rain. Torrential and totally unexpected. All the dc were only wearing t shirts, dh hurriedly took his hoody off and put it on dss5. We were then running across a field to get shelter.

When we got home, dh took his hoody off dss5, and we realised that the charm bracelet was missing. We think it must have fallen out of the pocket when dss5 was running.

Dh exw has gone mental, apparently the bracelet was a Pandora one and is worth 500.00. We had no idea.

She is demanding we replace it. We don't have that kind of money. Dh thinks she shouldn't have allowed dsd to wear such an expensive bracelet to begin with.

Who is being u?

Can she claim back for it on insurance? Have you gone back to the area/contacted the organisers to make sure it can’t be found?

@LeighaJ

On the other hand, I have never seen one in person myself and don't know anybody with one, so I don't think it's fair to say all men should know what they look like.

LeighaJ

He's her dad and she's had the bracelet - you would assume - for a while. His DD has never asked him for a charm for her birthday or Christmas? How odd.

I had no idea how much Pandora costs, so have looked on the website.

Charms seem to range from £10 up with plenty at around £45 or more, and the cheapest bracelet I saw which looked like a piece of string was also £45, with many £100+, so it is quite easy to see how a bracelet and a few charms, costs £500.

While the DH may technically have been at fault, he didn't have full information about the risk he was taking with the bracelet and the hoodie. If he had had £500 in tenners in his pocket, he wouldn't have thrown the hoodie on DSS and ran across the field, no matter how hard it was raining.

Obvious answer is for DSS DM to claim on her insurance, and if it turns out the bracelet wasn't insured, then tough. Although if these things don't have much second hand value, then they will be able to buy a second hand bracelet and charms cheaply, to replace the ones that were lost.

The USP of Pandora appears to be that people can continually spend money on charms etc, so people just keep buying DSD charms and another bracelet as normal, her only loss is that she has fewer charms because some have been lost.

@hotstepper4

Forgot to add, I wouldn't give ex a £500 contribution or any cash contribution, because while Pandora can be expensive I don't buy the £500 cost unless it had a lot of gold plated charms.

It would be better for your husband to take his daughter to buy the bracelet then add charms as your budget allows. She should be able to look at the catalogue online and point out which charms she had.

@cheesefield

That's not what I said. I said that I don't think most men would recognise one unless they had purchased one for someone before. Considering how expensive they are I would think after purchasing one they would remember it.

I'm sure if her Dad had been asked for one of those £35 to £80 charms then he'd remember as well. Maybe she knows he can't afford them? It might have been a gift from her mother's family so they've been buying the charms.

Tell ex to claim on household insurance. Not your DH's problem.

There were around 10 charms on it I would say. Tbh, dsd doesn't seem remotely bothered. It's just her dm who is kicking off.

I'm going to see if it might be covered on our insurance. Or would it be dsds dms insurance?

StepBackNow

He lost it. It is definitely his problem.

Has anyone been back to the field to see if it can be found?

If you can’t replace it all in one go then the ex is going to have to accept that she will have to wait. If I lost something expensive belonging to my child I would want to replace it but if I couldn’t afford it all in one go (I definitely wouldn’t be able to come afford £500) then that’s just the way it is.

What was exW thinking of sending a 10 yr old wearing such an expensive piece of jewellery! She should have warned you (by you I mean you/DH). I also find it hard to understand how it would cost £500 - how many charms were on it??
I would suggest that either exW or you see if it can be claimed on insurance and you split the cost of the excess between you. If it can't be replaced by insurance I suggest you and exW split the costs of a new bracelet plus 1 charm between you and she will have to have the other charms replaced over time. I recommend looking at Pandora online as there are sometimes bargains in the sale.

Accidents happen. it's not fair that DH should have to pay £500 when he wasn't warned that it was worth that much - I bet if he'd have known he wouldn't have let her go out wearing it. Who lets their child wear jewellery worth that much? I wouldn't go to a fair wearing anything that expensive, and certainly don't think that a child should.
Presumably it's insured on the contents insurance? Although there might be an excess to pay.
If you do choose to contribute to the cost of replacement, check out the prices first. Ask DSD how many charms were on it, and what they were.

I think an insurance claim is in order. If it turns out that it isn't insured either on your house contents or the XW's then that's too bad. She will have to start again with the basic bracelet and add charms as birthdays and Xmas come round. I don't think anyone should have to replace the whole thing as it stands if nobody bothered to insure it.

I definitely wouldn’t be handing £500 to the ex though. I’d take dsd out myself to buy a new one if I was your DH. Like people keep saying, his problem isn’t it? So why hand money to the ex to sort it out?

It's easy for a Pandora bracelet to be worth £500. Depending on the type of bracelet it can cost anything upwards of £45 for the bracelet alone. Charms start at around £20 but could be anything up to three figures in cost. I have got a bracelet that is full of charms and at a guesstimate I'd say it's worth £500-600 and I don't always buy the most expensive charms either.

What's he going to say, yes, you gave it to me to look after, yes, I lost it, no, you can't have another one because it's your mum's fault? Why doesn't he know what she is wearing/what those items might be worth?

But by the sounds of it he can't afford it. If I was handing over a very expensive bit of jewellery for a friend to look after I'd definitely point out to them that it's very important/valuable/precious. It's understandable a 10 year old might not think of this (which is why they shouldn't be responsible for expensive things in the first place) but it's not entirely DH's fault. I'm assuming if he knew it's value he'd have been much more careful.

Whilst accidents happen, it wasn't the child's DM's accident, was it? So I'm not sure why so many posters are saying she should suck it up. It's a lot of money for her to lose and it's not fair on her. She didn't recklessly stuff it into a pocket and forget about it.

It's not clear whether it was the child's bracelet, or her bracelet, who bought it and what the charms signified - there could be sentimental value as well as financial value, hence the upset.

I think it's worth checking if it's covered on anyone's insurance first (although the excess may make a claim not worthwhile). The OP's DH should stump up for the replacement, but possibly he may be able to get away with buying a new bracelet and one brand new charm only (with the new charm representing the 'hilarious' time he lost the old bracelet).

I’d say replace it. You might be able to claim on your / her house contents insurance.

just out of interest does ex have insurance - I wouldn't have sent a child of that age with such an expensive bracelet without at least warning ex or whoever that it was that precious - I suspect if dh had known or you -you would have suggested that she leave it at home - I wonder if she sneaked off with it without telling mum? Yes dh made a mistake but really? doesn't ex have any responsibility too?

I think your DH should either claim for it on your insurance, or replace it. You'll probably pick one up on ebay or one of the Cash Generator type of shops for a lot less than £500.

interesting been on Amazon wonder where she got bracelet from & how many charms www.amazon.co.uk/s/?hvlocphy=9044903&hvptwo&hvnetw=g&keywords=pandora+charms+for+bracelet&hvadid=259061084111&index=jewelry&hvpone&ref=pd_sl_1ckkjxs3d8_b&hvlocint&hvpos=1t1&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl&hvqmt=b&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8&hvtargid=kwd-294944088422&adgrpid=51682738965&hvrand=8513453246335339938

What's he going to say, yes, you gave it to me to look after, yes, I lost it, no, you can't have another one because it's your mum's fault?

This ^
DM has already paid for it all once. Her DD has lost a present that probably talk a while to collect. She gave it to a responsible adult but now she doesn't have her bracelet, I'd be pissed too.

I don't think your dh is responsible for replacing it. I think ex is at fault for sending child to him with such a valuable item, without letting your dh know about it so he could take appropriate care.

I'd be annoyed if I was his ex. Not only are the bracelets/charms expensive but the charms usually have sentimental value too. Does he have form for being careless with other people's possessions? Or is he equally careless with his own?