What's reasonable here?

[hotstepper4]

Last week, myself and dh went to a fete with our 4 dc - my ds7 and his dc, my dss8, dss5 and dsd10.

Dsd wanted to go on the bouncy castle, so she took off the charm bracelet she was wearing, and gave it to dh to hold on to. He put it in his fleece pocket.

Later, there was a sudden downpour of rain. Torrential and totally unexpected. All the dc were only wearing t shirts, dh hurriedly took his hoody off and put it on dss5. We were then running across a field to get shelter.

When we got home, dh took his hoody off dss5, and we realised that the charm bracelet was missing. We think it must have fallen out of the pocket when dss5 was running.

Dh exw has gone mental, apparently the bracelet was a Pandora one and is worth 500.00. We had no idea.

She is demanding we replace it. We don't have that kind of money. Dh thinks she shouldn't have allowed dsd to wear such an expensive bracelet to begin with.

Who is being u?

It's not relevant if she uses your room, or if she ruins her stuff, in this instance she took responsibility and your husband fucked up.

There's no reason for you to point out this child's faults, in fact it's unpleasant behaviour from you becayse it is irrelevant to the situation.

And you and your husband need to grow up. She can't come to you with expensive stuff because it's too much responsibility for you both? Are you not embarrassed by this? It's not too much responsibility for this ten year old, but it is you?

I'm sorry op, but when you attack a child, I'm out.

Oh FFS. The girl is 10 and her mother sounds like a materialistic twat filling her head with bullshit. You shouldn't dress a kid up in expensive gear and expect the kid to keep it pristine/undamaged when it isn't suitable gear for, well, being a kid and running around and jumping in puddles. There's a difference between a kid who is careless or even destructive and one who is simply more interested in having fun than the fact that her trainers are sparkly and her necklace cost hundreds of pounds.

Agree SGB.

And definitely agree the £50 a month should go in an account for DSD, then it’s up to her if she replaces the necklace with it.

Or even the bracelet.

Oops 😳 yes 😂

I don't own any jewellery worth five hundred quid! I know I can't be trusted not to lose nice things lucky girl. Not her fault but that kind of valuable item wouldn't be an everyday thing to wear, not least on a ten year old so it's not great judgement on the mums part. Its like giving 10 year olds an iPhone X. Just why? I am a cheapskate though. Try your insurance if not theirs, else slowly rebuild it for her.

If she's not mad bothered that's good and maybe suggest to her valuable stuff isn't for everyday in the future as accidents do happen.

You can get used pandora bracelets with charms from eBay relatively cheaply.

If my DC asked me to look after something for them, I would know it was because they didn't want anything to happen to it. So I would therefore know it was something of value to them. The value of that object, either monetary or sentimental is implicit. This idea that you look after something for someone to different degrees depending on its monetary value is ridiculous IMO. Plus what example are you giving your daughter, someone asks you to do something, you didn't do it, but don't worry, it is not your fault. Someone else can pay for it. Not a great lesson I would say!

how ridiculous.
she will just have to claim on insurance.
but why why would a 10 year old have something so expensive, crazy.

she needs to share rooms with your dc, not with you

and she needs cheaper playing clothes. havent you seen The Sound of Music

She shouldn't have had something that expensive on but she gave it to DH to look after. I think he should help replace it.

A gift voucher maybe but Claires accessories springs to mind.

Who buys a 10 year old a £500 bracelet??

I would say no one bought her a £500 bracelet. Someone would have purchased the bracelet band at some point then on special occasions different relatives would have given charms to add to it as gifts. Over time it adds up. My DD had two complete by 12yo due to relatives all buying her a charm for bday/Xmas etc over a few years. I can definitely see that a bracelet with 10 half decent charms would be worth that much.

Anyway the daughter WAS responsible with it. She took care of it, so much so that for an activity where it may be damaged she took it off and gave it to a (what she assumed was) a responsible adult to take care of. The adult fucked up. They need to own their actions and rectify this. If I was the Mum I would be pissed to. If the kid was irresponsible I would be pissed at the kid but that’s not the case here.

a thought can you have receipt please so I can claim on insurance or failing that the name of the shop & the precise details& descriptions of item? ie you will need that for insurance but you can then check if she taking the micky - & see if you v=can get copy elsewhere

Upsetting, but an accident. Accidents happen.

It's not fair to expect any adult to make themselves responsible for an expensive item belonging to a young child when they haven't been told what they're making themselves responsible for, or given their permission for the child to bring it. Either you, as the parent with the relevant information, tell the other adult what the child has with them and ensure they're happy to take responsibility for it, or you make clear to your child that they are responsible for the item and that if they choose to wear it on a day out it's at their own risk. Ten year olds are rarely mature enough for that, which is why most responsible adults either don't give them expensive kit or accept that it may be lost or damaged if they do.

Again: bouncy castles often instruct kids to remove things like jewellery/glasses/shoes, so it wouldn't automatically mean that the DD was aware that this bracelet was Special and Important, or that she communicated this to her dad. Don't forget that Pandora stuff looks no different to kids' craft bangles or pound shop tat to a lot of people. It's perfectly reasonable to shove what you think is some random bit of jewellery in your pocket and assume it's safe enough for the time being. OP says that the DD wasn't particularly upset and it was only when the mother rang up bellowing about it that they had any idea it mattered.
Also, most parents who aren't twats would not let a 10-year-old wear anything valuable or extra-precious to a fairground in the first place. Too much likelihood of it getting lost or damaged.