What's reasonable here?

[hotstepper4]

Last week, myself and dh went to a fete with our 4 dc - my ds7 and his dc, my dss8, dss5 and dsd10.

Dsd wanted to go on the bouncy castle, so she took off the charm bracelet she was wearing, and gave it to dh to hold on to. He put it in his fleece pocket.

Later, there was a sudden downpour of rain. Torrential and totally unexpected. All the dc were only wearing t shirts, dh hurriedly took his hoody off and put it on dss5. We were then running across a field to get shelter.

When we got home, dh took his hoody off dss5, and we realised that the charm bracelet was missing. We think it must have fallen out of the pocket when dss5 was running.

Dh exw has gone mental, apparently the bracelet was a Pandora one and is worth 500.00. We had no idea.

She is demanding we replace it. We don't have that kind of money. Dh thinks she shouldn't have allowed dsd to wear such an expensive bracelet to begin with.

Who is being u?

I can't see any insurance company being interested in paying out on a bracelet that OPs DH has absolutely no proof exists. If an insurance claim is to be made it will almost certainly have to be by his ex who should have receipts which should also prove the cost of the bracelet.

The DM is responsible in my book.

She let her 10yo go away for the w/e with apparently £500 worth of jewellery without informing the other responsible adults.

If you (collectively) had known it was worth that much then either you'd have made her leave it at home, or you would have taken better care of it (eg by you the step mum putting it on your own wrist).

Even £50 of jewellery on a 10yo would be pushing acceptability except if e.g. going to a wedding. No way could your DH have been meant to be psychic about the bracelet.

Also remember that most of the posters who are actually suggesting giving the ex £500 or spending that sum on a replacement are probably men and step mum hating single mums

I am neither of these people. I think if you take responsibility for something (whatever it's value) that is exactly what you are doing, expecting responsibility. Don't give anyone £500, but the bracelet does need replacing because HE lost it.

*accepting (obviously)

You are only accepting responsibility if you are told the worth though. If someone asks me to look after something worth £5 (that I can afford to replace) I'd say yes. if they asked me to look after something worth £50,000 (that I can't afford to replace), then I'd say No.

Also remember that most of the posters who are actually suggesting giving the ex £500 or spending that sum on a replacement are probably men and step mum hating single mums

I'm neither of those things . The person who lost it should really replace it and not with cheap knock off versions either !

@TeenTimesTwo

You are only accepting responsibility if you are told the worth though. If someone asks me to look after something worth £5 (that I can afford to replace) I'd say yes. if they asked me to look after something worth £50,000 (that I can't afford to replace), then I'd say No.

Usually I'd agree with that but seeing as the bracelet was being looked after for a child , I'd not expect a child to automatically tell me how much it was worth .

I only have 4 charms and a leather bracket from Pandora and it comes to 185 so I can see it coming to 500.

it's her dad's responsibility to replace. even if he has to buy one a month

It's not her DFs responsibility if she didn't say , or Dex didn't say , it was worth a lot. The DEx is partly to blame for letting DD visit without mention of value of bracelet.

user139328237 Let me guess, you're a saintly hard done by step mum, maybe start your own thread instead of projecting all over this one.

For 500 quid it's worth going back with a hired metal detector.

If insurance won’t cover it I would feel pretty obligated to replace it

Burrito I agree. I wouldn't expect the child to tell me. I would expect the parent on handing over the child to say 'look out for X's bracelet, it is worth £500'. At which point I would say 'no you keep it, I don't want that responsibility'.

Let's hope it's covered by insurance.

Easily that price. Some of my charms were between 30-50. Basic bracelet about the same. Depends on what charms she had on and how many

Also remember that most of the posters who are actually suggesting giving the ex £500 or spending that sum on a replacement are probably men and step mum hating single mums

Um no! I'm happily married. But I believe that if an adult accepts responsibility for an item, that makes them actually responsible for it - whether it costs 5p /£5 or £500. The Dad put the bracelet that he was supposed to be looking after into a fleece pocket, and then gave that fleece to a young boy. That is not a sensible or responsible way to look after any item entrusted to you, and therefore the Dad is at fault and should replace his daughter's bracelet. I can't imagine a loving Dad wanting his daughter to pay the price for his own carelessness tbh, and I find that very sad. Of course I understand that £500 is a lot of money, and that it might take some time for him to replace the bracelet in full- but he has a responsibility to his daughter to do so as soon as is reasonably possible. He need to forgo his own luxuries until he has fulfilled his responsibility to his daughter.

I can just imagine Judge Judy shouting "What moron buys a child a $500 bracelet?"

That's pretty much what I think too.

I'm with judge Judy

My Pandora cost £50. But with the charms I have, it's worth in excess of £700.
All 4 of my girls have one. They know to look after it when wearing. And to me, asking her dad is being responsible.
Sometimes you don't realise yourself how much these things have cost, as you build them up gradually. I was quite shocked when I've just thought about mine.
They don't fall off easily, and a safety chain can be added too. All of ours had theirs from a young age.
I think the dad is at fault here. Maybe you could offer to replace the bracelet, then add charms here and there.
I do agree though that there should have been communication. She's wearing her Pandora, make sure it's safe etc.

How come DH didn't realise his DD had one? You don't buy it all at once, they're collected usually over xxmas, birthdays special events etc. Has your DSD never shown it you before?

Can’t she claim on her household insurance? Otherwise buy second hand replacement, hers wasn’t new!

remember that most of the posters who are actually suggesting giving the ex £500 or spending that sum on a replacement are probably men and step mum hating single mums

I love my DH and my stepmum is fab thanks usergoadyfecker101 many here were actually suggesting a compromise. The ex probably never said how much it was worth due to low lives like you accusing her of spending their well-earned maintenance she clearly doesn't need on it rather than stepping up to their responsibilities, including how to hang on to a flipping bracelet.

For the people saying there’s no way it cost £500, I have 2 bracelets that are now easily worth over £1,000 each. They build up over the years and I receive charms every Christmas and birthday, it is quite easy to do - especially if you started collecting before they were really popular and charms were cheaper back then, some of my charms would now cost more than double what I paid for them to replace.

Be wary of purchasing from eBay or Amazon, there are many counterfeit versions of the bracelets and the charms. I would only really purchase from the Pandora shop, or if you are confident in your ability to pick out the genuine third party sellers then from one of those. John greed jewellery was one years ago, don’t know if it’s still kicking around.

accusing her of spending their well-earned maintenance she clearly doesn't need

Just in case you are as thick as mince, the above was sarcasm...but comes up as often as your MRA bollocks

I think she means £50 no way it would be £500 plus why would you let your young daughter wear such an expensive item