WIBU to bin off this holiday early?

[Ivygarden]

For the last few years, me and my DS (4) and DD (2) have holidayed with my DM and DSis and my DNep (6). Every year I vow not to do it again but the children love it so here we are (on a self catering holiday by the seaside).
Basically, every year my sister adopts the role of mother hen and always takes it upon herself to do the washing, tidying, organising (and being a total martyr about it!). My DM and DSis and nephew always travel together in one car throughout the week, including long journey here and back home again. Because of this, DM and DSis are quite often together, making arrangements etc that I’m not aware of (I’m always on the back foot and anything I suggest is instantly dismissed as they have already discussed the itinary etc). My DD (2) is ridiculously clingy to me. My son and nephew are usually playing together and, as I have my daughter permanently glued to me, my sister usually tends to watch the boys (ie puts them to bed whilst I put my daughter to bed). Although this is helpful, it is not necessarily what I would want as I would like to do more with my DS, but again, she takes it upon herself (in her martyr-like way).

Fast forward to now...I just overheard them slagging me off in the garden implying that I’m lazy and saying things like, “oh perhaps she’s actually looking after her own kids for once”, “good job she doesn’t have more than two”, “she might even be doing her own washing etc”.

Honestly, I just feel like going home. My DS has turned into a dick since arriving as he copies my nephew. I’m the bad guy, always reprimanding my son as I know he wouldn’t be so silly at home but my sister then says, “oh isn’t she boring?” to the children and I hear her threatening to tell me when the boys are misbehaving (God forbid).

My DM pays for the house every year. They are already discussing next year’s holiday (I do not want to go). I also don’t want to say that I over heard them and cause a confrontation but I now feel like going home (but shame for the children - this will be their only holiday). I will certainly make sure I’ve turned the washing machine on / unloaded the dishwasher first. What shall I do? Feel utterly miserable.

I’d also throw in lots of “no ds, you know we don’t behave like that. Just because other people think it’s okay doesn’t mean we copy”

I'm not a confrontational person at all, but I would absolutely leave and tell them why.

They're bitching about you behind your back, obviously not for the first time and making comments about you in front of the children.

Sorry, but this is something I would go loopy about. Not acceptable in any way.

I would calmly say you overheard them talking, you were already struggling to enjoy the holiday but now you are definitely going home and do not want to repeat the holiday in this format again.

Quietly pack as much as you can before you say it, so you can quickly go.

Even better, pack and go while they are out, leaving a brief note as above.

If I’m completely honest, I wouldn’t leave unless the kids were having a rubbish time too. Agree that you should tell them you overheard - my tact would be to do as other posters have said and “take more control” and probably be quite short with them, then tell them you heard when you’re home and say you’re not going with them next year.

@Jassy - that’s exactly what I did this evening after I heard them. DSis tried to help get my daughter ready for bed and I just took my daughter off her and said that I would get her ready.

Ooh, just thought - another subtle way to resist is to let them drive on ahead to wherever they've decided to to go to today, then text to say 'OH no, both DC vomiting we'd better stay here. See you later, have fun xxx' then park kids in front of tv while you do your own washing/load dishwasher whatever. Go out to somewhere nearby in the afternoon. If they query this later then you can report brightly that the kids perked up massively after a few hours, isn't it odd? Kids eh

I bet you money that they don't have half as much fun without you to bully and your DS to entertain DNephew.....

X-post again - how did she respond to that Ivy?

@Contessa
That suggestion actually made me laugh out loud - thank you for cheering me up!
She didn’t say anything really, but it was probably enough for her to know that I’d overheard them.

As much as I want to go, I just don’t think it’s fair on my children as they are having a lovely time.

I would calmly tell them you overheard and stay- let them fall over themselves with excuses. Only be basic nice to them, just enough so they can't slag you off for ignoring them and then count down the hours until Friday

No worries I was half serious you know!

Sounds like she might realise then. I'd definitely do the withholding of washing thing, and maybe a trip to a park or something with just your two, to make a point.

I hope they feel bad and act nicely tomorrow and even if they don't, do be aware that their shitty behaviour is really about them and not you.

Family is overrated when it means putting up with being belittled by people who are supposed to love you.

I’d go and tell them why.

Nasty bitches.

I'm having a similarly shitty holiday right now and if I was in the UK, I would certainly go home. I can't though and just have two more sleeps. I'd go and tell them exactly why.

Family harmony is overrated is what they should say.

@Neverender sorry to hear you are having a shit time too. Not long now

Do what contessa says. I would have at least one outing on your own, do all your own washing and your own kids bedtimes. Don't go next year.

Well I think I'd not say anything. They enjoy using you as their punching bag and if you say that you overheard they may be more awful. Better to keep your head down and get on with it. Maybe leave a day early.

Insist on putting your own kids to bed. Go on a couple of things without them. If you leave Thursday you only have tomorrow and Wednesday to get through.

Then definitely don't go next year!

Ahh, thanks OP. It's shite when you're with a group and they turn on you. I feel like I'm 15 and in secondary school!

Sounds rough, OP, and YWNBU to leave, but I understand you staying if the kids are having a good time.
You said that all your suggestions for the itinerary were dismissed - I agree with PP that you should pick something that YOU want to do and go for it tomorrow. Not to spite DSis and DM, but because you have clearly stated that you'd like to have some quality time with just your DC - and that should be respected.
I really hope YOU get to enjoy some of the rest of the holiday too!

how horrible that people who are supposed to love you and be on your side are treating you that way.
If you are making the decision to stay for the kids sake then i would do anything you can to make the best of it for yourself as well. Dont make any effort to please them two witches just think about how you can enjoy the rest of your week, even if it means sneaking off early with the kids for a fun day..

Thanks @chocolate. You’re 100% right. I will do my own thing with kids tomorrow. Will no doubt give them more ammunition- not only lazy but now spoilt/ungrateful too.

While you are out see of you can find a joke shop...pick up some itching powder and offer to make the beds... 😇

I'd be Booking.com for something nearby. Then the kids still get the holiday but on my terms.
And I would say you overheard them and you don't feel comfortable.
They'll be happy because they can slag you off for being melodramatic and you get a bit of space.

If that was my sister and mother I would have confronted them and got this all out in the open. Not sure why you are unable to simply tell them that you have heard them and see what they say....

@bang
I guess I’m embarrassed. And also feel like maybe I have been lazy although genuinely not on purpose. Just been preoccupied with children and I guess I’ve let my mum and sister do things in the background.