WIBU to bin off this holiday early?

[Ivygarden]

For the last few years, me and my DS (4) and DD (2) have holidayed with my DM and DSis and my DNep (6). Every year I vow not to do it again but the children love it so here we are (on a self catering holiday by the seaside).
Basically, every year my sister adopts the role of mother hen and always takes it upon herself to do the washing, tidying, organising (and being a total martyr about it!). My DM and DSis and nephew always travel together in one car throughout the week, including long journey here and back home again. Because of this, DM and DSis are quite often together, making arrangements etc that I’m not aware of (I’m always on the back foot and anything I suggest is instantly dismissed as they have already discussed the itinary etc). My DD (2) is ridiculously clingy to me. My son and nephew are usually playing together and, as I have my daughter permanently glued to me, my sister usually tends to watch the boys (ie puts them to bed whilst I put my daughter to bed). Although this is helpful, it is not necessarily what I would want as I would like to do more with my DS, but again, she takes it upon herself (in her martyr-like way).

Fast forward to now...I just overheard them slagging me off in the garden implying that I’m lazy and saying things like, “oh perhaps she’s actually looking after her own kids for once”, “good job she doesn’t have more than two”, “she might even be doing her own washing etc”.

Honestly, I just feel like going home. My DS has turned into a dick since arriving as he copies my nephew. I’m the bad guy, always reprimanding my son as I know he wouldn’t be so silly at home but my sister then says, “oh isn’t she boring?” to the children and I hear her threatening to tell me when the boys are misbehaving (God forbid).

My DM pays for the house every year. They are already discussing next year’s holiday (I do not want to go). I also don’t want to say that I over heard them and cause a confrontation but I now feel like going home (but shame for the children - this will be their only holiday). I will certainly make sure I’ve turned the washing machine on / unloaded the dishwasher first. What shall I do? Feel utterly miserable.

At least you have told them now and they can't be surprised when you decline next year. Hopefully they will think twice before being rude about you next time. Home tomorrow!

They might miss your dd's shoes and all the little things that make you a family. I hope they feel awful and apologise to you properly.

Go & do something for the 3 of you, i would pack my stuff up. Load car up early & on leaving tell them you're not coming away with them again.
When they ask why, tell them you're not there to be spoken about when they think you're not there.

You left beach shoes in a bathroom??? You monster!! Go hide your head in shame.

(What a bunch of freaks. Well done for having it out with them.)

So here goes... decided to have a Party to celebrate a Special Wedding Anniversary and now beginning to wish I hadn’t bothered. How many times is reasonable to ask people if they can attend. ?? I am trying to cater and waiting for replies from so many people!! My Ds has been a star and making notes of all the invited and crossing off and ticking when they reply but even he is at the stage of giving up on it. Why is it people haven’t the time or the decency to say Yes or No. ?? Should I keep contacting them or just put them as a “No” ? 😠

@Ruperbear - you should start your own thread to deal with this.

Sorry

So you broke down in tears and they STILL used this as evidence that YOU are in the wrong. Where did this stuff about "not liking DN" come from? Do they actually think that that is the cause of the atmosphere??

You are not sticking to your bit of their script, so they are crashing on as if you were. They've assigned motives to your actions and behaviours and decided what you think and feel. Whether or not it is true seems to be besides the point for them.

God it sounds awful. I'd be out of there today.

As soon as you get home, could you book a holiday for just you and your children for next year? Then you won't be tempted to go with your DM and DSis next year. Lots of places will let you pay a deposit and pay the rest later.

Stick it out for the children. But whe its adult time on the last night say that yyou've decided that you wont be coming next year and tell them why. Tell them you'd be only.too happy to look after your own children but realised that being a control freak you'd thought it best for for DSis's mental welfare to let her continue as she always does but wpuld suggest she seeks professional help as that sort of OCD could rub off on her children. With that say goodnight and go to bed.

What is your usual relationship like. It sounds a bit like gaslighting. They lied and then turned it all back on you. Your DFs comments were very telling. This isn’t just a holiday thing is it? I think it’ll be a good thing for you to get some distance from them come September.

I feel for you, but if your son is having a good time I would just grit your teeth and get off very early on Friday. It's in-fighting and whichever of them is feeling aggrieved should just say what the problem is. I went away with my sister and her grandchild and my two grand children. After three days of falling in with her itinerary I took the kids out for the day and stayed out until after dinner. I told her that we were 'getting on top of each other' and that a break was required. It was a stressful week and not helped by her habit of airing her views via her grandchild "Oh look Grant (not real) the kids are doing this/that/the other again" or isn't Nana carol (not real) silly etc... Never again!!!

Go home because your sis will shit herself when she realises a) she's lost a playmate for her son and b) she won't be able to play pretend she's got two kids to DM and c) DM can see how she copes all day alone with her DN and no distractions. Just watch, they will probably offer to keep your son for remainder as it would be a shame for him to miss out. Don't fall for it! If you can afford it splurge on a nice treat for you and the kids on the way home. Good luck!

Great that you told them. 

So, your mother has known somethings up and instead of asking, she attacks you (you don't like your nephew).

They gaslighted you (you HEARD them, yet it's all in your head).

They made it out to be your fault (beach shoes in the bathroom..FFS!).

Hold very very tight to the fact that YOU KNOW. Because they're going to be telling more of this crap to your father and likely yourDH too as well as further trying to undermine you in future and/or make a joke out of "Oh remember when we were on holiday and Ivy cried! Oh she was so sensitive on that trip. It was kind of cute/funny/[insert some patronising belittling crap].

And why? Because I'm betting this is the first time you've stood up to them.

Just think. Your DM sees you upset. She asks you what's wrong. You tell her. You're so upset you cry. She apologised for not realising that you felt like this, gives you a hug and says you all need to figure out a better way to be together..and then gets involved, kindly, with setting up a Rita or something. She could have done something like that. Instead she saw her daughter crying and didn't behave like a bitch she was a bitch.

Oh my goodness, they are bullying you, but there is always some truth in what people say, they are just really unkind about it. Is there a way to articulate that you overheard them and found it really hurtful and have put you off coming again? Ask if they would prefer if you had a rota and take it in turns? Offer to be reasonable and sort it out calmly. Maybe write them a letter and tell them you love them but you don't want to be hurt like this. Emphasise how they have made you FEEL. It helps them understand what they have done. Good luck

Jesus! Your dd is a baby. How big can her beach shoes be that they're such an issue?

At least you don't have to go next year. Leave them to their bitching.

If there is even a HINT of nastiness between now and Friday then I think you should pack up and leave early.

In fact, could you start packing now?

The cows have closed ranks.
Ugh.
They are both gaslighting you and on the offensive ... you HEARD them talking about you and you KNOW what they said about you. You also know they lied to your father about you.

They are both cows! Ugh!..
I've really nothing to add other than what PP have said. You're stronger than me for sticking it out.

Once again a case of people who can dish it out but not take it. They could have at least had the decency to own up to what they thought they were saying behind your back instead outright lying to your face. 😒

Please tell me you're going to leave early. It's just not worth it.

My family would do this to me. That's not what family is about. You can't do anything about your DM and Dsis but you have a lovely family of your own that can be anything you want it to be. If I was you I'd distance myself from them as much as possible. Family is more than people you're related to.

Bloody hell she's really having it both ways isn't she? You're boring and fussy because you don't want boys to go round punching people in the nuts but she's perfectly reasonable in being horrified that a pair of beach shoes are in the bathroom.

They sounds like they very much deserve each other. Pair of twats. Don't let them fob you off. Your feelings are valid. I hate it when others belittle the way someone feels and dismisses them.

It does sound like they've got into such a habit of seeing you as lazy and incompetent that nothing will change their minds; if you're upset it will be because you can't face the truth in what they're saying. They'll bounce off each other and encourage those thoughts even more. Well done for standing up to them, next year you'll have a lovely holiday with your DH and kids and not have to feel on edge because there's an unwashed cup in the kitchen while you're putting DC to bed.

Didn’t you tell them that you’d fucking heard them slag you off with your very own not at all fucking lazy ears?