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AIBU?

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Original poster

About dsd in my bed?

181 replies

hotstepper4 · 27/08/2018 18:18

I have a small, 2 bed mid terrace Victorian house. One large bedroom, one tiny.

I have a ds7, and a dsd10, dss8 and dss5. At the moment we have all the boys in the big bedroom - dss's share a bunk bed and ds has a single bed of his own. He used to share a bunk bed with dsd, but when she turned 9 we decided that as the only girl she needed her space, and we bought another bunk bed for mine and dh's room, the small one - a triple bunk, the bottom is a double which me and dh sleep in, and the top single was for dsd. When she stays (eow and Tuesdays) me and dh sleep on the sofa bed downstairs.

However, my room is now very much dsds room. Her posters are up, her rug down, her furniture. Recently she decided she doesn't want to sleep on her single bunk anymore, and now sleeps in my bed when she stays. Now she's older, she spends a lot of time lounging up there with her tablet. I feel like no where is mine anymore. Plus, my house looks like a dormitory!

Aibu to want her to at least stay in her own bed? I'm not a wicked sm, far from it I adore my dsc but the children have taken over this whole house!

OP posts:
KnotsInMay · 27/08/2018 18:23

Can you divide the big room with a partition?

Dishwashersaurous · 27/08/2018 18:25

You need to move house. Or partition the large room or turn the living room into a bedroom. You and she both need your own space

KnotsInMay · 27/08/2018 18:25

Or create a sort of mezzanine level in tne small room that is hers, a platform, a ladder, a curtain hung from the ceiling? And her posters at that level?

It isn’t reasonable that she is in your bed.

Loft conversion?

crosstalk · 27/08/2018 18:27

OP I don't know how you manage. However, you and your DP need space. If your DSD is 10 and with you for 2 nights, then she needs to be on the sofa bed poss with her own light/a screen that can go round it? . Discuss it with your DP and his ex. Then approach her.

Is there any other space at all that could be carved out of your house?

Thehop · 27/08/2018 18:28

This is absolutely no good! I couldn’t cope with this at all! Can you move?

Pengggwn · 27/08/2018 18:30

Of course you're not, but she will want her own space, just like you. There is no easy answer, but I think you have to be the one to lose out, if I'm honest.

Original poster
hotstepper4 · 27/08/2018 18:30

It's a rental 😔 I should have put that in the op. A partition isn't really possible because the big room only just fits the boys in.

The room that she, me and dh are in is really very small. Not a box room but not far off. It fits the triple bunk, our chest of drawers, and dsds small chest of drawers only. Everything else is in drawers under the bed.

OP posts:
PrettyLovely · 27/08/2018 18:31

Agree with pp, Is there anyway you can move?

Original poster
hotstepper4 · 27/08/2018 18:31

Moving isn't an option financially at the moment. We have a fairly decent rent here and we get on OK with the neighbours which to me is very valuable

OP posts:
MyDcAreMarvel · 27/08/2018 18:33

You need to move house, itsjust not big enough for four children and two adults.

MyDcAreMarvel · 27/08/2018 18:34

X post, nothing you can do then your dsd needs privacy and space and it’s only average of two night a week.

Dishwashersaurous · 27/08/2018 18:35

It’s not fair to have six people in a two bed.

Long term you need to move.

She’s only eight put her back in with the boys and plan to move before puberty

cmlover · 27/08/2018 18:38

can you make the living room the boys and dsd by splitting the room ?

or making the living room the boys room and living room?

cmlover · 27/08/2018 18:39

that is if the living room Is big enough

Dishwashersaurous · 27/08/2018 18:40

If it is only two nights a week sleep in the living room when she is there. And a definite no to posters on the wall

sunstarsmoon · 27/08/2018 18:41

I would get a sofa bed for you and your partner to sleep on when the step kids are staying.

sunstarsmoon · 27/08/2018 18:42

For the living room.

arethereanyleftatall · 27/08/2018 18:43

They're only there 4 days in 14 so I would take all the posters and rugs down for those 10 days, and put them back up when she comes.
With the best will In the world, It's too small a space to house 6 people so that everyone is perfectly happy. So, you'll just have to make do.
In your situation, I'd take on another job, to get the finances to move, as this isn't going to get any easier.

arethereanyleftatall · 27/08/2018 18:43

They're only there 4 days in 14 so I would take all the posters and rugs down for those 10 days, and put them back up when she comes.
With the best will In the world, It's too small a space to house 6 people so that everyone is perfectly happy. So, you'll just have to make do.
In your situation, I'd take on another job, to get the finances to move, as this isn't going to get any easier.

Byebyebye · 27/08/2018 19:13

I always love how the answers to these questions are that the step child shouldn’t have their own bed. Chucking her into the living room with no privacy or own space will really make her feel welcome!!

IfIWasABirdIdFlyIn2ACeilingFan · 27/08/2018 19:17

I feel like no where is mine anymore. Plus, my house looks like a dormitory!

What had you imagined 6 people in a 2 bed terrace would be like?

MyDcAreMarvel · 27/08/2018 19:18

She’s only eight put her back in with the boys and plan to move before puberty
She is ten.

MyDcAreMarvel · 27/08/2018 19:19

Why did you rent a two bed with four children , it makes no sense.

Needahairbrush · 27/08/2018 19:22

The house is too small for you all, I don’t see any other options tbh.

NoSquirrels · 27/08/2018 19:22

Can you look for a 3-bed rental close by? Does your LL rent anywhere else nearby, for instance?

6 people in a 2-bed is not going to be easy whatever you do, frankly.

I think I’d put all 4 DC in the big room on 2 bunks for now, and reclaim the bedroom for you and DP. Get curtains for all the bunks?

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