About dsd in my bed?

[hotstepper4]

I have a small, 2 bed mid terrace Victorian house. One large bedroom, one tiny.

I have a ds7, and a dsd10, dss8 and dss5. At the moment we have all the boys in the big bedroom - dss's share a bunk bed and ds has a single bed of his own. He used to share a bunk bed with dsd, but when she turned 9 we decided that as the only girl she needed her space, and we bought another bunk bed for mine and dh's room, the small one - a triple bunk, the bottom is a double which me and dh sleep in, and the top single was for dsd. When she stays (eow and Tuesdays) me and dh sleep on the sofa bed downstairs.

However, my room is now very much dsds room. Her posters are up, her rug down, her furniture. Recently she decided she doesn't want to sleep on her single bunk anymore, and now sleeps in my bed when she stays. Now she's older, she spends a lot of time lounging up there with her tablet. I feel like no where is mine anymore. Plus, my house looks like a dormitory!

Aibu to want her to at least stay in her own bed? I'm not a wicked sm, far from it I adore my dsc but the children have taken over this whole house!

Lots of us can't give each child their own room, but thats not the point here. This child doesn't have a room at all, and they purposefully blended 2 families and moved into an unsuitable home. Thats so not the same thing as my kids sharing a bedroom hmm

Like I said family of 5 above me in a one bed. They make it work. Not everyone can afford a mansion.

It also costs £3000-£5000 each time you move. That’s a huge amount to find let alone all the upheaval that goes with it and ops son would have to move school as well.

Like I said family of 5 above me in a one bed. They make it work. Not everyone can afford a mansion

You're being facetious. Almost nobody can afford a mansion, but that is a long way from 5 in a one bed, which is severe overcrowding and not something anyone would actually choose.
OP here chose to live this way. She chose to move in with someone with 3 children, in an unsuitable home. It's her choice to do so, but all subsequent problems are the fault of those that chose to do that.

Sorry OP but YABU. £600 fun money each month is loads - I can understand needing all that in the summer holidays maybe but the rest of the year?

I agree you need to prioritise your housing situation. Have you considered that maybe the size of your house is contributing to how much fun money you think you need? We definitely go out less now we have a bigger house.

It also costs £3000-£5000 each time you move. That’s a huge amount to find let alone all the upheaval that goes with it and ops son would have to move school as well.

Moving the contents of a two bed house isn't that expensive. It cost me £700 four months ago, you just have to shop around.

^
But then there's the deposit needed plus rent in advance, and extra furniture, and bigger heating bills etc. It is hard. I'm stuck in a 2 bed, no chance of moving. Sure I should have had less kids, with hindsight. That's why I sleep downstairs, at least they have their own space. I long for a bed and bedroom though, and the opportunity to have a bath or walk from bath to bed in just a robe.
Overcrowding makes life very hard and there isn't always a way out. In this case though, I'd split the family. My kids don't have another parent so I don't have the option of either a partner or having them sleep elsewhere. As hard as it would be I think 2 houses would work well.

Why does it cost £3-5000 when you move? We did it a month ago and it didn't cost us anything. I'm not sure why it would.

@ProfessorMoody My recent moving fees:

Referencing and credit checking fees for two people - 550 (Tory govt have introduced legislation to ban the fees, due to come through in 2019)
Six weeks' deposit - 1600
Six weeks' rent up front - 1600
Moving van - 400
Inventory and contract fee - 90 (see above)

Six weeks' deposit - 1600
Six weeks' rent up front - 1600

Whilst it’s true you need to save up a buffer to pay these, you’ll recoup the deposit eventually (reimbursed when you move from the previous property, so short-term) and the rent is the rent- it’s not an extra cost, it’s just paid in a lump sum of 2 weeks more than usual.

So you need to plan for it, but it’s not a true “cost”.

I’ve moved more times than I care to count (approx 14 rentals in 6 different counties and 3 different countries!) and luckily never had to pay 6 weeks rent upfront. Obviously had to pay a deposit but almost always got full deposit back from my previous rental. Never paid removal fees as always did it ourselves (approx £70 van hire). Referencing fees are a pain in the arse though.

The question was, how can moving cost thousands? Well, there is the answer. OP's rent is more than mine so her deposit and upfront will also be more. Moving van probably also more too.

It doesn't matter that you might (only might!) get some of the deposit back at some unspecified point in the future. The fact is that moving requires a great upfront cost to be found. That's not easy for many people.

Deposit
First months rent
Van / removal costs (we found Man and van worked out the cheapest at £300)
Fees (not always refundable if your unsuccessful on the first property)

Then there’s boxes (not available at supermarkets anymore)
Bubble wrap
Fees for moving internet, phone etc
Post redirection
Some contracts specify a professional deep clean when you leave
cross over of rental months as you’ll normall end up with an over lap.

You’ll hopefully get your deposit back but it can take a few weeks / months.

That’s before you’ve bought a new towel as your old ones don’t match or your washing machine now leaks because it didn’t like being unconnected and reconnected. It goes on and on

If its expensive to move thats all the more reason that it was a poor decision of OP's to move somewhere so unsuitable.

It's hard to know what you want from this thread, OP.

But the person who enquired as to whether you have a dining room you could move your DD into, takes the

Oh yeah, the dining room, of course - problem solved!

Bloody hell at the moving costs. We borrowed a van and a few mates and that was that.

We didn't have to pay anything up front for our property though, so I can see that must cost, but the rest of it!!

Can you take the posters off the walls but dress the room on her days with cushions, fairy lights etc?

It also costs £3000-£5000 each time you move.

I’m assuming that this is if you buy a property and takes into consideration, legal fees, stamp duty, a really expensive removals company and even decorating your new place / buying new furniture. So not applicable to the OP.

Yes moving when renting does have costs, but the deposit and rent up front will be retained from the previous property, so actual “costs” will most likely be limited to letting agency fees and moving costs. The latter can be minimal if you can hire a van and have a couple of strong fit friends who are willing to help out.

No that £3000 is renting.

I’ll break it down again
Deposit
Referencing fees
First rent period
Man and van (don’t have any burley friends with a van)
Boxes (couldn’t get any from supermarkets they all go off to be recycled)
Bubble wrap / tissue paper stuff
(I did get as many free newspapers as possible but still had to buy some)
£100 fee to move my Internet & phone 1 mile down the road
£100 Post redirection (you have to pay per person not just household)
Professional clean as per previous tenancy agreement
It goes on and on

Nope. First rent period...well thats no different to just paying for the next month in your current rental, deposit you get back from your old place, boxes can be sourced, who buys bubble wrap? and clean it yourself.
No way does it cost anything like what you are claiming

As I said I’ve moved 14 times between rentals and not incurred even half the expenses listed above.

No that £3000 is renting.

Nonsense.

As above, rent up front would be paid anyway, even if you didn’t move.
Your old deposit covers the new one.

I've moved at least 20 times from one rental to another, 3 to 5 thousand pounds is the stupidest figure I've ever heard of. One tenth of that is more accurate!

I’m only going from my own experience of how much it costs me. I’m not alone in this

The deposit you get back once you’ve left so you have to find it first it’s also not a guaranteed return

If your tenancy says a professional clean with receipts. That’s what you have to do

You also have to find the next months rent before you’ve moved in so it would be before you’d be due to pay it on your existing