About dsd in my bed?

[hotstepper4]

I have a small, 2 bed mid terrace Victorian house. One large bedroom, one tiny.

I have a ds7, and a dsd10, dss8 and dss5. At the moment we have all the boys in the big bedroom - dss's share a bunk bed and ds has a single bed of his own. He used to share a bunk bed with dsd, but when she turned 9 we decided that as the only girl she needed her space, and we bought another bunk bed for mine and dh's room, the small one - a triple bunk, the bottom is a double which me and dh sleep in, and the top single was for dsd. When she stays (eow and Tuesdays) me and dh sleep on the sofa bed downstairs.

However, my room is now very much dsds room. Her posters are up, her rug down, her furniture. Recently she decided she doesn't want to sleep on her single bunk anymore, and now sleeps in my bed when she stays. Now she's older, she spends a lot of time lounging up there with her tablet. I feel like no where is mine anymore. Plus, my house looks like a dormitory!

Aibu to want her to at least stay in her own bed? I'm not a wicked sm, far from it I adore my dsc but the children have taken over this whole house!

the children have taken over this whole house!

Your point is? Are you really surprised? How do you expect us to resolve your housing problem, tell the DSC to go and live on your roof?

OP you do need to move no matter how much you like the area or the neighbours even of it means moving areas and schools. 4 in a room is probably fun now but it'll honestly get tough as they get older. I don't know what the story is with the wage and I'll put it aside-people have student loans and car loans and four kids are very expensive! It's a big step but You will not know yourself when your kids are putting up posters in their own room
And you feel like you can breathe

Our annual income is only 50k

Fucking hell, I wish ours was. There's no reason why you can't rent somewhere with more bedrooms with that amount of money coming in, surely?

Could ask to be put on the council list for rental? It might not happen for a long time but at least you're on the list.

I don't know how they would treat overcrowding when it's step children however

Could ask to be put on the council list for rental?

I would assume on that amount of money you wouldn't get a council house?

That leaves about 600 a month for me and dh to amuse 4 children and have the odd evening out ourselves. At a stretch we could go up by another 100

😂😂😂😂😂😂

£600 to play with and you can’t afford a third bedroom?? Pull the other one. It has bells on.

When does your debt repayment end? You will have an extra 300 then.

Do you get maintenance for your son? In the short term could you alternate nights with his father so that you only have three children at a time and siblings can share

FWIW, I don't necessarily think £600 per month is an obscenely extravagant amount of disposable income for a family of up to 6. Especially assuming it includes things like clothes, which weren't accounted for in the OP's budget(?). I can't believe how little some posters' budgets leave unaccounted for - sounds pretty miserable tbh!

I don't understand why the triple bunk is necessary if you never sleep in the bedroom at the same time as DSD? Surely it's just making the place feel more cramped? In your position, I think being precious about a child sleeping in your bed when you're not using it is stupid. With her own clean sheets it's fine.

I think as others have suggested, I'd put the boys in the small room with the triple bunk. Then in the large room have a bed for you and DH plusb lots of storage (including for the kids if you need it).

If you do have a second reception room, I'd get a good sofa bed and either this becomes DSD's room when she visits (if you can make your other reception work as a living space for 6, so the space is dedicated to her), or if you only have one reception / if one of the two doesn't work as living space for 6, she takes your room and you take the sofabed.

I actually think significantly decreasing your disposable income to get more space at home could still end up leaving you pretty miserable, if you've still got a relatively small house full of 4 kids and no money to take them out and do stuff.

I can't believe how little some posters' budgets leave unaccounted for - sounds pretty miserable tbh!

Well yes, I’m sure living to a budget can be tough for a lot of people. Necessary if they want to adequately house their children though.

I can't believe how little some posters' budgets leave unaccounted for - sounds pretty miserable tbh!

It's tough but with four kids you have to prioritize and prioritizing hobbies etc over space might not be the best way to go

ThanksHunky

Are you for real?! OP's own child is sharing a room with his two step-brothers! You can't accuse her of treating her DSD differently.

It's not a family of six though. It's a family of three, bar 8 nights a month.

Professor Moody - they still have 4 kids between them, and every other weekend there's 4 kids in a tiny house (or in a modest fairly small house, if they did move). I wouldn't want to be in a position where we couldn't take them out for bowling and a pizza once a month.

I'm in the South East. £750 Rent for a three bed, two reception and two bathroom house. Big kitchen. Nice little garden.

I'm in a town. Obviously not one known for being expensive but I find it to be nice enough. Never had any issues or trouble. Neighbors are all friendly, etc.

Surely moving further out will make it more difficult for kids to visit? Especially as they get older and want to see their mates at the weekend more?

Personally I think sleeping arrangements, privacy and spare are more important than bowing and pizza.

I don't want to sound insensitive but I'm claustrophobic just thinking about your set up. My kids (i have 4 them also) have a bedroom each and with all their stuff there isn't much room to spare.

What do you do with all their things?

I think OP may have gone

I wouldn't want to be in a position where we couldn't take them out for bowling and a pizza once a month

Neither would I. That doesn’t cost £600 though does it? I’d say we have a decent quality of life, plenty of day trips/activities, some meals out, cafe trips for cake etc and we don’t spend anywhere near £600 a month on these things. This is completely by choice to enable us to put more into savings, but we don’t feel deprived at all.

I'm in the South East. £750 Rent for a three bed, two reception and two bathroom house. Big kitchen. Nice little garden.

I don't think that's the norm. We rented out our 3 bed terrace with one bathroom (within M25) for £1200 five years ago when we lived elsewhere for a few years. We couldn't have afforded to rent it ourselves!

OP where do you and DH sleep when DSD is in your bed?

OK. This seems to have derailed somewhat. I appreciate that to a lot of people, 600.00 disposable income is a lot, but that has to include clothes, shoes coats etc for all the dc as we provide clothes and toys for dscs while they are here of course. We also contribute half of all the dcs extra curricular activities, all boys go to a football club and dsd goes to a drama class, all dcs love these and we wouldn't cancel. I'm not living a life of luxury by any means, I can't remember the last time I bought myself clothes! As I mentioned before, we have very minimal savings. A decent 3 bed around here will be a minimum 1100, then there's agency fees, deposit, 6 weeks rent up front.. The list goes on! I agree that on paper, we look well off, but we aren't. And my ds adores his stepsiblings BTW, to him they are his brothers and sister, we don't use the word 'step' here. Thank you for your thoughts. I think getting rid of the triple and getting a double and letting dsd use it with her own bedding rather than ours is the way forward. Unfortunately, I can't move into the boys room as it's on the road side, and I can't sleep with the traffic noise.

I dont see why people keep saying if they were the ops children she would move thats not true at all. There is a family of FIVE living above me in a ONE bed FLAT and they have been here for 2 years. Boys and girls. One a teen. There are people out there living in these cramped conditions. Theyve obviously made it work for 2 years.

How brilliant that some peoples kids have a bedroom each! wake up and realise some
people cant afford a bedroom for each of their kids. MN is a parrell universe. Everyone I know has kids sharing a room! Nothing wrong with kids sharing.

How brilliant that some peoples kids have a bedroom each! wake up and realise somepeople cant afford a bedroom for each of their kids. MN is a parrell universe. Everyone I know has kids sharing a room! Nothing wrong with kids sharing

Lots of us can't give each child their own room, but thats not the point here. This child doesn't have a room at all, and they purposefully blended 2 families and moved into an unsuitable home. Thats so not the same thing as my kids sharing a bedroom