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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be cross with in laws reactions

172 replies

clarepetal · 26/08/2018 19:38

Ok, this may be a but long winded but here goes...
My son is 3 and has really long hair, everyone thinks he's a girl when we go out, I'm not hugely bothered by this. Went on holiday with in laws and bro in law and his family as usual, whilst away my bro in law made jokes about buying t shirts for my son that were more masculine, such a heavy metal bands. I said that I would actually love to do that (I only havn't as I'm poor and they can be quite expensive) my brother wears loads of them. If my son were to wear them I'd find it tounge in cheek and maybe people might stop thinking he's a girl.
I'd actually like him to wear lots of band t shirts as I like them, not necessarily heavy metal bands but I like retro t shirts. My bro in law orders an Iron Maiden one which I loved.
Boyfriend is round in laws today and picked up the t shirt and all the family seem to do is slag it off saying my son doesn't like it (I doubt he's even looked at it) saying it's scary, as I said my brother wears them all the time and he has never got scared. I think they are putting this into his head if they can, and my sister in law has said that she wouldn't dress her children in them. This was said by my mother in law.
I find it quite stirry that she said that to my boyfriend as it's nobodys business how we dress our son, but I'm cross because I feel my mother in law is pushing her opinion on my boyfriend. Although he should stand by me and not be so easily swayed.
I find it extra insulting as the first year of his life she bought nearly all of his clothes which was so very overbearing, and now that I've picked something she doesn't like she has no right to complain about it. I found this very upsetting so maybe I'm being oversensitive.
Maybe I should sod it and start buying Megadeath and Judas Priest t shirts too.
Sorry for the rant!!

OP posts:
Amanduh · 26/08/2018 19:41

Yab v over dramatic.

girlalmighty · 26/08/2018 19:41

You all sound crazy imo.

Original poster
clarepetal · 26/08/2018 19:42

Oh dear, sounds like I need to take my head out of my bottom and chill out

OP posts:
MarthasGinYard · 26/08/2018 19:43

Non event

You must have major time on your hands

greendale17 · 26/08/2018 19:45

I cringe when I see kids in rock band t shirts. Just something about them

HollowTalk · 26/08/2018 19:46

It always seems like making a point when little boys have such long hair that they look like girls. I know long hair on a little child can be lovely, but if he's regularly being taken for a girl, then I wouldn't be happy. It's not that I want girls to look pretty in pink and boys to be wearing macho clothing, it's just I think it's healthy to identify with your gender at a young age.

No doubt I'll be yelled at for that!

troodiedoo · 26/08/2018 19:46

it's true, you all sound like hard work.

I dislike band t shirts on kids though. even more so when they've been trained to tell people their favourite song.

Samcro · 26/08/2018 19:47

Sod them just dress him in them.
Bet he looks really cute

Bluelady · 26/08/2018 19:48

Love little boys with long hair. Ignore, OP.

FASH84 · 26/08/2018 19:50

My DN loves the cure, goes mad for it, asks for auntie fash music (her mum and dad have current tastes) , sings along (had her own words for lovecats which she thinks is about how much she loves cats) and dances when she's in my car, I'd love to get her a little band tee but know they wouldn't let her wear it. There's nothing wrong with it OP but I wouldn't let someone else's opinion on a t-shirt get to you

PhilomenaButterfly · 26/08/2018 19:50

Only Paul in the bible decided men and boys should have short hair. My DC can have whatever length hair they want.

Justmuddlingalong · 26/08/2018 19:52

I'd dress him in pyjamas. The poor wee soul must be constantly shattered with all this unnecessary drama. Confused

Original poster
clarepetal · 26/08/2018 19:53

Troodiedoo I would never train him to like a certain type of music, I'm very much of the opinion that he can be into whatever he likes. I find that my brother in law pushes sports onto his kids which I don't agree with, I think it's because he wanted to do it but couldn't because of a disability so I can understand it even if I don't agree.
As I said I will never push my tastes onto him but for the first year of his life (at least) I felt I ever had the choice to dress him as I wanted because mil bought most of his clothes.
This is the first time that I've been happy with something that his side of the family have bought and I want to enjoy dressing my only child.
Despite all this, a t shirt really isn't a big deal so I'm not going to cry into my cornflakes about it.

OP posts:
toothtruth · 26/08/2018 19:55

Id be a bit pissed off too OP I agree with you. Its controlling to pass comment on what your son wears constantly! And toddlers love scary things.... my son loves the pictures on cds when its a monster or similar.
I like band tshirts on toddlers. Adults pick most of what toddlers wear anyway and unless your toddler is actually bothered enough to choose things themselves (which not many are) then why on earth not put them in something you like?
I think my 3yo son has only ever chosen two of his own tshirts in his life, one because it had a glittery dinosaur on and another because it had loads of diggers on.... he usually could not be less interested when I ask him to pick clothing even though I do try.... so I do sometimes just get him stuff I like which includes band tshirts.

He also has never had his hair cut and has long gold ringlets!! Also always gets mistaken for a girl when out despite the band tshirts and other masculine clothing. I have asked him if he wants to have it cut but he says no... as its pretty curly it looks good I think.
So I agree with your choices OP lol!!

Original poster
clarepetal · 26/08/2018 19:56

I'm loving all the replies and opinions, I'll never argue in front of him (needing to dress him in pajamas!!) And my in laws are actually lovely people who help me a lot. It's just a little gripe, that's all.
Maybe we are all hard work. My son has ace hair by the way and he doesn't want it cut.

OP posts:
giveitfive · 26/08/2018 19:57

Not sure if the issue is the reactions to the hair or the tee shirts. But... I do have experience of boys with unusually long hair...

It was not my choice for my DSs to have long hair. At an early age they decided they didn't want it cut. Not gonna lie, I liked it. I thought they looked cool.

One cut it all off for charity when he was 17. The other still has unusually long hair. I told them both to enjoy it whilst lasts as we have baldness in both sides 😶.

I made it clear to them that it's a choice. They chose to be different and some people will have an opinion on that. People often did. It was our choice how to react to that. Both boys grew confidence and resilience from those interactions.

Both of them have worn band tees from an early age.

If I'm honest... and I'm a HUGE Maiden fan, some of the Eddie art work, while incredible might be a little strong for a very young kid.

Again, its up to him. Mine absolutely loved Eddie and if anything it meant they were unfazed by other stuff they encountered. Zombie/skeletons etc at Halloween.

You be you. Let him be him. Let them be them. Make a choice on how you react and don't let anyone get you down.

GummyGoddess · 26/08/2018 19:58

I thought it was the longish hair and ringlets that made people think dc1 was a girl. Turns out that even now we've had his hair cut into a stereotypical boy style he is still mistaken for a girl. Even when he's wearing obviously boyish clothes.

Ignore in laws and dress him how you want, it's a non issue unless you let it be one. Dressing him in band shirts may not make any difference though.

CherryPavlova · 26/08/2018 19:59

Horrid to dress children in adult clothing such as ‘band clothing’ - but up to you. It’s a non event. Personally I prefer children to be dressed in a more conventional manner but again your call. He might get ribbed from long hair and be more likely to get nits but apart from confusing him about his sex, he won’t die from it.

FASH84 · 26/08/2018 20:02

@CherryPavlova do your children not wear long trousers either 🙄

Lynne1Cat · 26/08/2018 20:03

Jesus Christ, he's 3! I'd have thought that at his age, he might like something with one of his favourite TV characters on or something.

You all sound ridiculous

CaMePlaitPas · 26/08/2018 20:07

I've read this post several times and I have no idea what is going on.

UsedtobeFeckless · 26/08/2018 20:09

I put this to DS, who has miles of hair and has had from an early age - he says that no one should wear a t-shirt of a band they're not into ... l'm not sure if that includes tiny people, though! Grin

Bluelady · 26/08/2018 20:09

How's he going to be confused about his gender by having long hair? I imagine the sight of his cock will allay any confusion.

Original poster
clarepetal · 26/08/2018 20:11

Lynne1Cat of course he has t shirts with things he likes on! We have Thomas the tank engine and Paw Patrol off the top of my head. He has Mr Men, diggers, lollipops that he has chosen, there aren't many that I as his mother have chosen.
That's why I'm a little peeved that the in laws aren't happy.

OP posts:
girlalmighty · 26/08/2018 20:15

I always find little boys with long hair gives the impression of laziness, or trying too hard. 😬 not that my opinion matters. Paired with the band tee it defo sounds try hard.

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