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Original poster

To be cross with in laws reactions

172 replies

clarepetal · 26/08/2018 19:38

Ok, this may be a but long winded but here goes...
My son is 3 and has really long hair, everyone thinks he's a girl when we go out, I'm not hugely bothered by this. Went on holiday with in laws and bro in law and his family as usual, whilst away my bro in law made jokes about buying t shirts for my son that were more masculine, such a heavy metal bands. I said that I would actually love to do that (I only havn't as I'm poor and they can be quite expensive) my brother wears loads of them. If my son were to wear them I'd find it tounge in cheek and maybe people might stop thinking he's a girl.
I'd actually like him to wear lots of band t shirts as I like them, not necessarily heavy metal bands but I like retro t shirts. My bro in law orders an Iron Maiden one which I loved.
Boyfriend is round in laws today and picked up the t shirt and all the family seem to do is slag it off saying my son doesn't like it (I doubt he's even looked at it) saying it's scary, as I said my brother wears them all the time and he has never got scared. I think they are putting this into his head if they can, and my sister in law has said that she wouldn't dress her children in them. This was said by my mother in law.
I find it quite stirry that she said that to my boyfriend as it's nobodys business how we dress our son, but I'm cross because I feel my mother in law is pushing her opinion on my boyfriend. Although he should stand by me and not be so easily swayed.
I find it extra insulting as the first year of his life she bought nearly all of his clothes which was so very overbearing, and now that I've picked something she doesn't like she has no right to complain about it. I found this very upsetting so maybe I'm being oversensitive.
Maybe I should sod it and start buying Megadeath and Judas Priest t shirts too.
Sorry for the rant!!

OP posts:
Jessiemay88 · 26/08/2018 21:11

Iron maidens awesome as is judas priest....maybe draw the line at cannibal corpse 😜 my DS will adorn many metal tees until hes old enough to pick what he wears. Rock on

Thesearmsofmine · 26/08/2018 21:11

Fruitcider for hair ‘grooming’ wouldn’t mean cutting hair short, it would be a trim to tidy it up which I assume OP’s child has done. My son with long hair has his trimmed regularly, it’s well brushed and tied back if necessary.

DuckPie · 26/08/2018 21:11

Fruitcider - how on earth is hair cutting the same as teeth brushing? Should we all have short hair for hygiene reasons?

BarbarianMum · 26/08/2018 21:13

So do ypou think parents should cut little girls hair short against their will too Cider? Or are they sonehow more capable of making such decisions for themselves?

And any adult mocking "ribbing" a 3 year old about their hair should be ashamed of themselves. Hmm

Original poster
clarepetal · 26/08/2018 21:13

Fruitcider if I ask him to have a bath or brush his hair and he says no of course I don't agree with him.
Having long hair is not detremental to him and we both like it so I'm not sure what the problem is here! Now I really need to sleep and will happily continue this tomorrow Smile

OP posts:
FruitCider · 26/08/2018 21:13

I read it as if the OP has never had his hair cut as he has refused. Maybe it's my interpretation that's off 😊

Original poster
clarepetal · 26/08/2018 21:16

I've never taken him to get it cut as neither of us want to! This discussion has gone so weird, who cares about his hair?! And night night finally Shock

OP posts:
Willow2017 · 26/08/2018 21:17

He is 3 ffs since when did 3 yr olds go shopping for thier own clothes?

If op was to dress him in any other t shirt it would still be her chosing it! Or is it just her mil who is allowed to dress him?

SalemBlackCat · 26/08/2018 21:17

"Interesting, when I ask my 5 year old if they want a shower or to brush their teeth they always say no too. That doesn't mean I don't let them not shower or brush their teeth. I see Hair cutting as part of grooming eg cutting nails and looking after your appearance. I'm not sure if a 3 year old has the cognitive dissonance to understand that?"

Well said, Fruit Cider. It's the old some parents are more into being friends than parents debate. Some things you do because you are told to do them. End of story. You either be the parent, or you allow your child to make decisions. There is no way I'd allow my son to have long hair. Boys have short hair end of story imo. What they do when they are late teens is up to them however.

BlueEyedBengal · 26/08/2018 21:18

My now 10 yr old son has had long hair since he was 2 yrs. He has beach boy blond hair, we say he looks like Prince Charming off shreakSmileanyway he is handsome everyone says that and apart from the odd child now and then he has never been called girly. He goes to MMA fight training and does lots of sports like swimming(he does need a cap then) cricket and football. Hairdressers refuse to cut his hair shorter as they say it's perfect. My advice is until your son asks then it up to you about your child's appearance, don't let anyone tell you what to do as long as you are happy as a family unit then where's the problem?

MarthasGinYard · 26/08/2018 21:19

'Fruitcider I've asked him several times if he wants us to cut his hair and he always says no,'

You sound thick as mince

Crunchymum · 26/08/2018 21:21

So it's your BIL who bought the "offending" t shirt?

Is he son or SIL to your MIL?

SalemBlackCat · 26/08/2018 21:22

Maybe schools have changed since I went to school, but back the all boys had to have short hair. In fact, it simply wasn't even dreamed of that it might be possible boys have long hair. It just.....didn't enter anyone's mind, because it simply wasn't allowed. Full stop. But these days parents are allowing their boys to get their ear/s pierced and lip pierced - even at primary school level!! Usually the same parents who dress their kids up in heavy metal rubbish, and give them rats tails as hair styles. You know the type.

FruitCider · 26/08/2018 21:23

I've never taken him to get it cut as neither of us want to! This discussion has gone so weird, who cares about his hair?! And night night finally 

And this is why I referred to it as grooming. Your 3 year old boy has never had a hair cut? I could understand you wanting to keep his hair long but to never get it trimmed???

AllPizzasGreatAndSmall · 26/08/2018 21:23

I'm sure he'll have to when starts school, anyway.
Where are all these schools that tell parents what haircuts their children should have? Presumably they tell them to cut their daughters' hair too?

Willow2017 · 26/08/2018 21:25

My hair is nearly down to my bum. Should i get it cut to be 'tidy' and hygenic?
Whats the difference between me and a child? its hair ffs. Its nothing to do with hygiene neither showering or brushing teeth.

Thesearmsofmine · 26/08/2018 21:25

Salem why do boys have short hair? So girls have to have long hair or are they allowed to cut it short?

My brothers had long hair as children in the 70’s, boys with long hair is hardly a new thing!

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 26/08/2018 21:27

But these days parents are allowing their boys to get their ear/s pierced and lip pierced - even at primary school level!!

As a teacher in a Primary school for several years I've never seen a Primary aged child with a lip piercing. I think this might be bollocks, a bit like the rest of your post.

Willow2017 · 26/08/2018 21:28

You know the type.

Do tell?

My eldest started school 11 years ago and they didnt bat an eyelid at boys with long hair then. Why should they? Why is it ok for girls to have long hair but not boys?

FruitCider · 26/08/2018 21:28

My hair is nearly down to my bum. Should i get it cut to be 'tidy' and hygenic?

Whether you get your haircut or not is up to you, because you have the mental capacity and cognitive dissonance to make a decision not to trim your hair and what any implications are eg it will keep growing. Ever so slightly different with 3 year olds...

backstreetboysareback · 26/08/2018 21:29

I see what you're saying and they probably are being like that but especially at this age you have to pick your battles.
If she says something again like that or like ooh I wouldn't dress my kids like that, play it water off a ducks back and instead of taking it to heart, laugh loads and say that's why I love ds always his own person, always an individual or something. And just completely ignore it like it doesn't get to you.
Walk away laughing thinking I'll dress my fucking child however I like.
I'm currently at a music festival with my toddlers. Fuck knows what my in laws think but I'm having more fun here than worrying about it WineBiscuitCake

DuckPie · 26/08/2018 21:30

Arguably, cutting a child’s hair is taking the decision from them more so than doing nothing?

UsedtobeFeckless · 26/08/2018 21:30

Hey Salem - the 1950's called and want their attitudes back ...

FruitCider · 26/08/2018 21:32

Arguably, cutting a child’s hair is taking the decision from them more so than doing nothing?

I don't know if you haven't realised this, but Hair grows at the rate of 6" per year on average. It grows back, a short haircut can be grown out, it's not permanent...

DuckPie · 26/08/2018 21:33

Whereas long hair is permanent?!

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