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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be cross with in laws reactions

172 replies

clarepetal · 26/08/2018 19:38

Ok, this may be a but long winded but here goes...
My son is 3 and has really long hair, everyone thinks he's a girl when we go out, I'm not hugely bothered by this. Went on holiday with in laws and bro in law and his family as usual, whilst away my bro in law made jokes about buying t shirts for my son that were more masculine, such a heavy metal bands. I said that I would actually love to do that (I only havn't as I'm poor and they can be quite expensive) my brother wears loads of them. If my son were to wear them I'd find it tounge in cheek and maybe people might stop thinking he's a girl.
I'd actually like him to wear lots of band t shirts as I like them, not necessarily heavy metal bands but I like retro t shirts. My bro in law orders an Iron Maiden one which I loved.
Boyfriend is round in laws today and picked up the t shirt and all the family seem to do is slag it off saying my son doesn't like it (I doubt he's even looked at it) saying it's scary, as I said my brother wears them all the time and he has never got scared. I think they are putting this into his head if they can, and my sister in law has said that she wouldn't dress her children in them. This was said by my mother in law.
I find it quite stirry that she said that to my boyfriend as it's nobodys business how we dress our son, but I'm cross because I feel my mother in law is pushing her opinion on my boyfriend. Although he should stand by me and not be so easily swayed.
I find it extra insulting as the first year of his life she bought nearly all of his clothes which was so very overbearing, and now that I've picked something she doesn't like she has no right to complain about it. I found this very upsetting so maybe I'm being oversensitive.
Maybe I should sod it and start buying Megadeath and Judas Priest t shirts too.
Sorry for the rant!!

OP posts:

PhilomenaButterfly · 27/08/2018 15:08

Salem hair ribbons are not part of the uniform. You don't have to wear them. Is DD's learning affected by whether she wears a red or purple ribbon?

Willow2017 · 27/08/2018 15:13

Why can't you just cut the hair? Is it too wind up your in-laws?

Because neither she nor her dp or son wants it cut. She doesnt have to do anything her in laws say about her own child ffs!

LeroyJenkins · 27/08/2018 15:17

Boys have short hair end of story imo.
Oh really, I didn't realise having a penis meant you couldn't have long hair? You think nature would have sorted that one out for us?????
Both my ds have long hair, and they both look amazing with it.

Younger one was bullied a bit because of it (bullies pick on anything a bit different) and I said if he wanted to cut it he could, but he wanted to keep it

And they listen to the same music we do, and enjoy most of it

PankyE · 27/08/2018 17:13

Men with long hair are so lush OMG. You've seen Jason Momoa right?
People need to stop being hung up on gender stereotypes and express themselves how they feel. He's a kid ffs. Let him have long hair and wear metal t-shirts.

margesimpson40 · 27/08/2018 19:40

It's a t shirt ffs. Next sold them for kids with bands on them they were fab and not trying too hard. Long hair is lovely on boys and girls.

ToftyAC · 27/08/2018 20:32

When my now 4yo was tiny, he looked proper cute in his Guns n Roses shirt that matched his daddy’s.

Cotswoldmama · 27/08/2018 20:36

My son has had both long and short hair. Until he was about 4 he wanted to grow it. Then he decided to have it cut. Now he’s five he’s growing it again and it’s just passed his shoulders. I love long hair on boy and secretly hope he’ll keep it long but it’s his hair and it’s up to him. My mother in law makes lots of comments about him having ‘girls hair’ which I ignore. I have to bite my tongue to stop myself from saying ‘so if his short hair is girly, does that make your short hair manish??!’

parentin · 27/08/2018 21:22

Sorry I don't understand what's meant by boys with long hair represents laziness. I has 3 boys all of which have long hair which requires washing and platting weekly, requires treatments, etc. By cutting a child's hair before time (when the child wants) I consider that to be the lazy option.

keffie12 · 27/08/2018 21:28

Up to you what you dress him in. He is your child. Perhaps your MiL should be gently reminded of that

CaptainNelson · 27/08/2018 22:59

Woah, I never knew that people were looking at my DS and thinking he, or I, were lazy, grubby, full of nits, wrong, and all the other things that have been said here. DS loves his hair; I'd rather he had it cut but he's old enough to choose and as long as he washes and brushes it, it really isn't anyone's business. And what a load of crap that 'boys have short hair, end of'. Why? just why? Do you ever question your prejudices?
Also, uniform does not have an effect on educational outcomes. It is a means of asserting behavioural control, but many countries don't use uniforms, most of which the UK would identify with on multiple levels (US, France, Germany, etc). And quite frankly, a lot of girls in school uniform might as well be wearing hotpants for all the coverage that their skirts give them. In fact, if you let kids wear what they want, the whole issue tends to just dissipate as they lose interest after a while. Get in the 21st century, please.

Lozz22 · 27/08/2018 23:05

how about just giving him a haircut

To be honest I did actually think this was where this post was heading and the OP’s in laws had took him off for a sneaky haircut and had a number 1 done all over or something!!

SalemBlackCat · 28/08/2018 07:52

Actually, hair ties are definitely part of the uniform, just as hats, stockings, shoes etc are.

And that is my point; again I reiterate that hair ties don't affect education but neither do uniforms either. So that argument doesn't make any sense.

SalemBlackCat · 28/08/2018 07:59

On the tshirts, I feel that they are inappropriate for kids that young. When you think that bands like Guns N Roses 'sing' (for want of a better word - scream?) songs with lyrics that certainly are not appropriate for children. Same as I wouldn't let my children wear pornographic or sexually suggestive shirts, I find it very inappropriate for a child to wear a shirt of a heavy metal band that he/she has never heard of and doesn't understand what the songs are about.

I am quite moderate/left wing ordinarily, but on children I tend to be quite conservative. I don't like the way things are heading with children's behaviour/approach to discipline and the way parents try to be more of a friend than parent.

Strongmummy · 28/08/2018 13:23

Does he like his long hair?
Does he complain about the t shirt?
If you answer yes and no respectively then there’s no issue.

Lemonnaise · 28/08/2018 13:30

Why can't you just cut the hair? Is it too wind up your in-laws?

Because neither she nor her dp or son wants it cut. She doesnt have to do anything her in laws say about her own child ffs!

There's lots of things children don't 'want' to do. This all sounds like getting one over on the MIL.

SalemBlackCat · 28/08/2018 16:20

@Willow2017 "Your reaction that not wearing school colour hair bands =we should do away with uniform altogether us a bit of an over reaction is it not?"

No, I don't think it is. Once again, people are missing the point. You argue that hair bands and ties don't effect education - well neither does wearing a uniform either, so that argument doesn't hold water. If hair ties don't affect education, then wearing plain clothes wouldn't either.

SalemBlackCat · 28/08/2018 16:24

"There's lots of things children don't 'want' to do"

Exactly Lemonnaise (I LOVE your nic). It is too much giving children input, and not enough parents making decisions and parenting.

CookPassBabtridge · 28/08/2018 17:06

I can't believe this is 2018 on mumsnet and there are so many people who think boys should have short hair. What on earth It's nothing to do with trans or gender fluid etc, it's boys who like having long hair. Some girls like short hair. We should be positive about the freedom of choice.

PolkerrisBeach · 28/08/2018 17:13

I cringe when I see kids in rock band t shirts. Just something about them

It's because it's not about the child, it's about the parents. Look how COOL and RIGHT ON we are, our son has long hair and wears SClub7 T-Shirts. We're so HIPSTER and fabulous.

Awful.

pictish · 28/08/2018 17:16

Can’t believe someone on here thinks the OP keeps her son’s hair long to piss her mil off. That’s like when my brother was in the throes of a psychotic episode and had paranoia thinking people were wearing purple to annoy him.

“Why can’t you just cut the hair?”

Because she doesn’t fucking want to. What’s it to you? Stop being all draconian and shit.

EyUpOurKid · 28/08/2018 20:26

Since when were sclub7 a cool rock band?

Willow2017 · 28/08/2018 20:58

Sclub7??
Yes they are a really cool rock band, move over Metallica 😂😂😂

Why cant people not accept that parents dont give a flying fuck what someone else thinks of a childs hair if its clean and tidy what does it matter if its long or short? How does it affect you?

Would there be such a fuss if op had said my dd wants short hair but mil wants her to keep it long? Would everyone be wringing thier hands in angst that
"girls have long hair end off."?

"How dare a child decide they like their hair one way."
"You are trying too hard to be cool op, girls should look like 'girls' with long hair."

Sounds a bit ridiculous when you change it around doesnt it?

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