Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be cross with in laws reactions

172 replies

clarepetal · 26/08/2018 19:38

Ok, this may be a but long winded but here goes...
My son is 3 and has really long hair, everyone thinks he's a girl when we go out, I'm not hugely bothered by this. Went on holiday with in laws and bro in law and his family as usual, whilst away my bro in law made jokes about buying t shirts for my son that were more masculine, such a heavy metal bands. I said that I would actually love to do that (I only havn't as I'm poor and they can be quite expensive) my brother wears loads of them. If my son were to wear them I'd find it tounge in cheek and maybe people might stop thinking he's a girl.
I'd actually like him to wear lots of band t shirts as I like them, not necessarily heavy metal bands but I like retro t shirts. My bro in law orders an Iron Maiden one which I loved.
Boyfriend is round in laws today and picked up the t shirt and all the family seem to do is slag it off saying my son doesn't like it (I doubt he's even looked at it) saying it's scary, as I said my brother wears them all the time and he has never got scared. I think they are putting this into his head if they can, and my sister in law has said that she wouldn't dress her children in them. This was said by my mother in law.
I find it quite stirry that she said that to my boyfriend as it's nobodys business how we dress our son, but I'm cross because I feel my mother in law is pushing her opinion on my boyfriend. Although he should stand by me and not be so easily swayed.
I find it extra insulting as the first year of his life she bought nearly all of his clothes which was so very overbearing, and now that I've picked something she doesn't like she has no right to complain about it. I found this very upsetting so maybe I'm being oversensitive.
Maybe I should sod it and start buying Megadeath and Judas Priest t shirts too.
Sorry for the rant!!

OP posts:
Original poster
clarepetal · 26/08/2018 20:48

Barbarian Mum I love what you wrote!!! Such a good point

OP posts:
kalinkafoxtrot45 · 26/08/2018 20:48

When I was a little girl I’d have sold my soul for a Marc Bolan T-Shirt. Bet your son looks great. Maiden!!! 🤘

AngelsAckiz · 26/08/2018 20:48

Long hair is ace! My son had beautiful long blonde hair as a child. He wore jeans and t-shirt with an open shirt over it. His name is gender neutral and sometimes people would say she instead of he. It's not the end of the world. In Fact we have no shits. Just said "he's a boy" end of conversation. It's not some unforgivable insult. Gender stereotypes are harmful. Sometimes he liked to dress in princess dresses and play with dolls. No toy was denied to him. Relax over the long hair and clothes. Just let him be a kid. He's biologically male and there is not a rigid definition of male. It's is not a costume. It's just a biological reality. Chill out and enjoy this time with him!
My son has grown up a loving, kind, sensitive young man and he's adored by both boys and girls as he relates well to both.
A child is a child. T-shirts aren't gendered. Girls like iron maiden. Boys have long hair.

girlalmighty · 26/08/2018 20:48

Why is long hair 'try hard' on a boy but not on a girl? Is a girl with short hair 'try hard' too? 

No a girl with short hair makes me think she has nits. Blush

pictish · 26/08/2018 20:49

Oh I agree with you. Pay no heed to my tastes...I was just musing out loud really. I kind of wish I hadn’t said anything now...it hasn’t helped one iota.
No no...you do what suits you. You don’t have to consult your mil on that shit...do what the fuck you like. Absolutely.

Original poster
clarepetal · 26/08/2018 20:49

And to the person who said girls can wear heavy metal t shirts too. Absolutely spot on and not very sisterly of me.

OP posts:
Original poster
clarepetal · 26/08/2018 20:50

Bless you Pictish. We're all entitled to our opinions Flowers

OP posts:
SalemBlackCat · 26/08/2018 20:51

Loling at people starting threads asking for advice then getting upset when they get it and calling other narrow minded.

Original poster
clarepetal · 26/08/2018 20:54

Getting upset because my AIBU was not a debate about the length of my child's hair and being told to get it cut. Or about the choice of t shirt. Maybe I should have been clearer- it's my choice about what to dress my child in over someone else's who shouldn't dominate it. I stand by that.

OP posts:
FruitCider · 26/08/2018 20:56

As I said I will never push my tastes onto him

Aren't you doing that by leaving his hair long though?

My SIL said the same about her sons Hair, she said she wasn't going to cut it until he could decide for himself, I pointed out she cut his finger nails.

2 weeks later her son has his hair cut off and now looks like a boy.

DoJo · 26/08/2018 20:56

I always find little boys with long hair gives the impression of laziness.

Huh? Long hair requires exactly the same amount of effort whether it's on a boy or girl, and having one child with long hair and one with short I can promise that long hair is definitely not the lazy option!

Original poster
clarepetal · 26/08/2018 20:58

Fruitcider I've asked him several times if he wants us to cut his hair and he always says no, that is not pushing my tastes onto him.

OP posts:
Bluelady · 26/08/2018 20:59

When he wants his hair cut he'll ask. Why are people getting so bent out of shape over someone else's child's hair?

Original poster
clarepetal · 26/08/2018 20:59

Haha Dojo, thanks for that, I've not really understood the laziness comment myself!

OP posts:
Original poster
clarepetal · 26/08/2018 21:00

Don't know Bluelady, his hair is beautiful some people are getting really funny about it!

OP posts:
Original poster
clarepetal · 26/08/2018 21:01

I'm going to sleep now, Christ knows what comments I'll wake up to Confused

OP posts:
SalemBlackCat · 26/08/2018 21:03

A parent is a parent for a reason. Children shouldn't have a say in every thing. Sometimes parents need to make the decisions.

Thesearmsofmine · 26/08/2018 21:04

People have very weird opinions on boys with long hair. My ds1 is 7 and has long hair, it’s not try hard or lazy it is his choice to have it long just as it is his brothers choice to keep his hair short. Both require regular trimming and washing not sure what is lazy or try hard about it tbh.

Oh and ds1 is certainly not confused if he is a boy or a girl. Plenty of willy jokes in this house.

DuckPie · 26/08/2018 21:07

The comments from your MIL would annoy me. You’re right, it’s not her place and it’s up to you.

The opinion on boys with long hair has ranged from try hard to lazy to the extreme of being confused about his gender 🙄 As the parent of a boy with long hair I can say none of the above applies!

Willow2017 · 26/08/2018 21:07

He might get ribbed from long hair and be more likely to get nits

Mine had long hair for yrars they l8ved it i lived it and it suited them. My kids have never ever had nits and are now teenagers.

How about just giving him a haircut? I'm sure he'll have to when starts school, anyway. Sorry, but I think the hair cut sounds like is definitely needed.
Why should he have a haircut if he and op like his hair the wsy it is? Mine didnt have it cut for school in fact i had people at nursery saying 'you aren't getting x's hair cut for school are you he suits it so well".

They had it cut when they wanted it cut no problem.

Op your child you decide on hair and clothes nobody else.

Pompom42 · 26/08/2018 21:07

Love band tee shirts and love Megadeth and Iron Maiden. Takes me back....(missing the point of the thread)

Willow2017 · 26/08/2018 21:08

Years and lived it stuoud phone

Willow2017 · 26/08/2018 21:08

Offs! LOVED IT
(stupid phone)

FruitCider · 26/08/2018 21:08

Fruitcider I've asked him several times if he wants us to cut his hair and he always says no, that is not pushing my tastes onto him

Interesting, when I ask my 5 year old if they want a shower or to brush their teeth they always say no too. That doesn't mean I don't let them not shower or brush their teeth. I see Hair cutting as part of grooming eg cutting nails and looking after your appearance. I'm not sure if a 3 year old has the cognitive dissonance to understand that?

OneStepSideways · 26/08/2018 21:11

Is the tshirt an offensive/aggressive/scary design? If so I wouldn't dress a child in it, regardless of what your brother wears. But if it's none of the above and your son likes it, I'd ignore the comments.

Personally I dislike long hair on small boys if it looks unkempt or straggly. Girls with long hair usually have it styled or plaited or clipped off their faces so it's out of the way.

If being mistaken for a girl upsets him, I'd suggest cutting it short and gently explain that people will keep thinking he's a girl if he wears it long. That would seem a more practical solution than buying band t-shirts. There's plenty of time for band tshirts and long hair when he's a teenager!

Swipe left for the next trending thread