Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Penis portions

443 replies

AldiAisleOfTat · 26/08/2018 12:23

It's a MIL one sorry!
Generally I like MIL. Our relationship isn't that bad, however, I'm fat and she really really can't cope with the idea that I'm not crash dieting. She is permanently on a diet.
We stayed with them yesterday. Lunch while traveling and then dinner there. Roast chicken.
I was served a single roastie, a slice of breast meat and 2 tablespoons of veg. Mil had slightly more. FIL and DH had laden plates.
After looking in shock I asked for some more, she said there wasn't any. DH then split his food with me, leaving us both with reasonable sized portions. Later on because of the atmosphere we went off to the pub and had a little too much to drink, we got fish and chips on the way home, and ate them sitting in her garden while she glared through the kitchen window.
She then made some comment about me being a pig once we were inside. I replied that if she was a decent host who served adequate food to both sexes then we wouldn't still be hungry, and left as soon as we were safe to drive (midmorning)
DH is very stressed about it all and wants me to call her. I have no wish to.
WIBU?

OP posts:
Dilemmacentral · 27/08/2018 17:10

Did the op confirm her height and that of her husband out of curiosity?

bastardkitty · 27/08/2018 17:26

Her husband is 7 foot 6 and OP is 4 foot 3. Does that make it okay?

goodgirls · 27/08/2018 17:32

Her husband is 7 foot 6 and OP is 4 foot 3. Does that make it okay?

Nope.

ToothTrauma · 27/08/2018 17:33

My MIL also hates that I am fat (she’s a former fatty herself and therefore the worst kind of thinvangelist) but she would never in a million years make me feel uncomfortable by serving me tiny portions or call me names!

Dilemmacentral · 27/08/2018 17:37

Her husband is 7 foot 6 and OP is 4 foot 3. Does that make it okay?

No, not okay, but if she’s one who’s always served up all her life then there’s a logic to her portions in this instance

dustyparadeground · 27/08/2018 17:40

Bit dumb to sit in the front garden eating fish n chips no?

Stepmum3 · 27/08/2018 17:42

I worked with a lady whose mil was the same. The lady lost loads of weight but they still didn’t like her. They got married and the in laws were rude about her weight on the wedding day. Even though she had lost loads. Needless to say the marriage never lasted as weight was always an issue as Mil was size 6. She also worked at the same place as us. What made me laugh is the son is now in a relationship with a larger lady too lol

Original poster
AldiAisleOfTat · 27/08/2018 17:45

Dilemma I'm 5'9, DH is 5'11
I'm far far more active than he is. Looking through fitbit my last active day this week was 14287 steps. He has a sedentary join and occasionally cycles (once a fortnight ish)

OP posts:
AnExcellentUsername · 27/08/2018 17:47

No need to justify yourself OP.

YearOfYouRemember · 27/08/2018 17:56

Grin OrangeSunset.

Aeroflotgirl · 27/08/2018 17:57

That makes it even worse op, you are tall, and that measly portion would barely touch the sides. I would want another meal after that.

Sibsmum · 27/08/2018 17:58

I would call her actually and make DH stand where he can hear so he knows what is being said in case she twists it.... ( oh yes , from experience)
I would say you are ringing because you want to clear the air because you felt that her calling you fat was uncalled for and had created an atmosphere.
Then sit back and listen to her squirm.
I think she has deeper issues with you, and possibly with her own body perceptions, but up to you if you want to dig deeper. Meantime, her being unable to eat what she wants, and you taking her baby away, who you are unworthy of, is a poor excuse for being nasty.
Good luck.

Laiste · 27/08/2018 18:04

I seriously honestly don't understand why the eating fish and chips in the garden after their outing to the pub was rude to MIL. I don't see what connection it has to her at all. It's her son. They're not visiting Buck House!

Three of my four DCs are adults - if they and their other halves had come to stay and popped out to the pub and then had something to eat i wouldn't give a flying fig! What business is it of mine? They could bring back the whole of the Indian take away plus staff and sit and have it up in the loft for all i care (as long as they cleared up afterwards).

ChunkyMonkeysMum · 27/08/2018 18:09

YADNBU!!! How dare your MIL call you a pig! Shock And I don't think it was rude to sit in her garden eating Fish & Chips either. If you're hungry you're hungry. It says a lot about her hosting skills that you felt the need to buy and eat fish & chips. I'd rather serve up too much food when I have anyone come to stay than let them be hungry.

Suebreo · 27/08/2018 18:09

I love your post, it’s hilarious, sorry if you don’t find it funny. My daughter suffers similar problems but it’s her FIL who dares to make unkind comments about what she eats often at the dinner table. as he thinks she needs to go on a diet. She makes him pay for these comments, she has a temper, but the poor man never learns. LOL

hoodathunkit · 27/08/2018 18:18

Does your MIL appreciate classical music OP?

If so I recommend that you show her the following video

"Baby Got Back:" Sir Mix-A-Lot with the Seattle Symphony

As Sir Mix-A-Lot so eloquently emotes, some men appreciate a fuller figure. I also enjoy watching a variety of women of different shapes and sizes having raucous fun and enjoying themselves. The woman in the black dress appears to be having the best time of her life and good for her.

If you are happy with your body it's none of her business.

Smudge100 · 27/08/2018 18:31

Ring her to say what exactly?

hoodathunkit · 27/08/2018 18:33

Of course if you are not happy with your body it's none of her business either.

Her unkind snd insulting digs at you say more about her insecurities than they do about you.

LeftRightCentre · 27/08/2018 18:35

Bit depressing that you see eating right and exercising as akin to not “enjoying” life.

I think everyone's different, hence, why, since you are going to quote, that I wrote: 'Some people prefer to enjoy life as they see fit'. And in some people's cases, this doesn't mean counting calories, or portion sizes or whatever. And it is rude to portion out food on your own judgements if you are hosts. If you can't put it all out on a table, you can also invite people into the kitchen to serve themselves.

cyantist · 27/08/2018 18:53

Do they though? OR do you just serve penis portions and they are too polite to tell you how unreasonable you are? Seems unlikely that every single woman you know has a daintier appetite, unless you only know identikit women?

Well every single female we regularly cook for never clears their plate (and I really don't think it's because the food is bad!) and if someone did clear their plate I would definitely offer seconds. Also there's always pudding to come after.

So I doubt it's just politeness. But maybe it would help to know what would class as a reasonable portion to serve up (for a roast for example).

GreatWesternValkyrie · 27/08/2018 19:26

It's the eating of them in the host's garden which kind of says outright that your food is inadequate

Really Thesearepearls? I’d have thought it was the Op saying “this portion is too small” that would have outright said that! Hmm

Calling a guest a pig because they won’t allow you to control what they eat is unforgivably rude. Op, you are not the one who needs to initiate the call in this situation.

MingeUterusMingeMingeYoni · 27/08/2018 19:47

So many people talking about how it's not sexist to give men more than women because men need more calories, yet nobody seems to have given much thought to how women of menstruating age need more iron than men. And that one doesn't have half so many variables as calories needed does. The male need for more calories comes up all the time in penis portion threads, understanding of the female need for more iron much less so. In this instance, OP should have been given more than the men of the iron rich foods at the table, ie the peas and to a lesser extent the chicken.

Now, setting aside etiquette for a moment, if you care enough about RDA to tailor the portions you serve to your guests on that basis (not of course that MIL has given any thought to what's healthy, or OP would've had more vegetables) you should do some actual research on it. Especially in these days of google.

With that in mind, anyone not doing so either knows women need more iron but has decided it doesn't matter, or hasn't bothered educating themselves properly on nutrition before assigning guest portions on that basis. If you know men need more of something but don't care/don't care enough to find out when women do, I'm afraid that does tell us something about the relative importance you assign to men's and women's needs. It tells us you're being sexist.

AstralTraveller · 27/08/2018 19:50

The pig thing though. The pig thing. Shize! Jeezaloo there ain't no comin back from the pig thing. I would probably not speak to her until she apologised to me and even then I would give it a fair bit months of consideration.

AlFrescoFiasco · 27/08/2018 20:03

NRTFT (sorry) but this reminds me of my own DGM who was (god rest her soul, but she was!) a busy body who was overly judgmental about many things, but in particular other women's weight. She considered anyone who was over a size 10 "a pig".

I'm small in both height and build. I've never weighed much. Have mainly been a size 8 since puberty, but I have fluctuated occasionally between a size 6 - 10.

I once reached a size 10 and whilst staying with my DGM, in front of my DP, she kept saying things like "men don't like fat women you know!".... "If you carry on like this he'll leave you!".... "Tell her Fresco's DP, men don't like fat do they!" and then served me up the tiniest portions of food, while DP got mountains.

I remember our morning before a long journey back home. DP got a juicy big bacon, sausage and egg butty all cooked in a frying pan on a giant white bap.

I got just two rashers of bacon, with the rind cut off and cooked in the microwave. No bap. Just two small bacon medallions blitzed in the microwave because "you don't want to lose him do you!"

I refused to stay with her ever again. I loved her dearly but it was so fucking rude. I'll eat what I want. I'll weigh what I want.

I looked back and realised all those times I hit a size 6 was when she'd been at me with the fat jibes if she though my weight was "going too far".

I'm a size 10 now. I often look at myself and think "If DGM was still alive she'd hate me like this" but DP is now my DH and he's still a randy bleeder who shows no signs of finding me unattractive, fat or leaving me for a waif.

Laiste · 27/08/2018 20:03

I agree Astral. About the pig thing. I can't even start to get my head around that bit. I don't actually know what i'd do.