To feel utterly fucking heartbroken

[cagedbutterfly]

To cut a very long and complicated story short DP and I have recently seperated from our 5 year relationship, which we have both raised our 2 children together from previous relationships 7 and 8. It has been a messy break-up and there have been lots of arguments and tension.

Backstory- It was a complicated start to the relationship as DP was married and the ex partner still resided in the family home and made things extremely difficult for DP and I to begin a life together.

However, after dating a short time, i was asked to move in with him and his 4 year old to what was his marital home, with my then 2 year old, which we have lived in ever since. He has his sole name on the mortgage however i have contributed to some bills and living and raised both children.

Prior to our seperation, We both made a decision 18 months ago that i would leave my job to go back to study a full time degree and that he would financially support myself and the family to do so.

Now he has decided that he no longer wants to continue this relationship and wants me and my dd to leave the home, the home that she has been raised in with his dd, as siblings for the last 5 years.

At present i have a year left in full time education and have no income, and i simply could not afford to stay in the area in which we currently reside. My dd attends the local primary school which is due to re-start in a couple of weeks and hes threatening to kick me out!?

I have tried to be amicable and find a solution without causing more heartbreak and upset to both children, i have offered to sleep in different rooms for the time being until i can find an income source, so i could potentially stay in the local area, but he just throws out that we are not his responsibility or problem anymore?!

I'm so hurt and upset that he could just discard us like that and not show are concerns about the wellbeing of my child who he has raised as his own for the last 5 years and who calls him 'daddy'

I just need some advice.
I feel so alone, i have no family locally and little friends that are not mutual who i can discuss this with who could help.

Go to the council, they should house you in emergency accommodation.

Whilst I can understand you stopped working to study, but giving up work whilst not married to him wasn’t the smartest move, though I’m sure you’ll know this.

Why flowers for a woman who shagged a married man, caused his WIFE distress, called his wife ‘difficult’, stood by while the woman lost her home and her child and before the sheets were cold moved in with her child.

I got the impression from the opening post that he and his wife were already separated, but that his ex was still in their home. TBH, if I had met someone in that situation, and they had had custody of their child,I would have assumed that his ex was the cheat and he was a good father who was living up to his responsibilities.

OP obviously thought the same - but it turns out he is a manipulative cheat and liar.

The op will get benefits to help with her studying - student loan and the like.

One of mine lives with her dad now.

Nice to know people will assume I was a cheat.

(The school here couldn’t offer her the options she wanted at A-level)

For the future you’ll know not to move in to another mans marital home after a few months.
You won’t be entitled to anything.
Go to the council.

If I met a married man who was living with his wife, had a child together and told me they were separated I would head for the hills.

Me too speak. And I have. Went on a couple of dates with a man and got the spider sense tingling. Asked him straight out why we never went out near him / why he phoned from the car or through the day. And he said he was living with his ex wife. They were separated but.

I never saw him again. Blocked him.

Can we please be kinder to the OP? From what she has said she was not the OW and did what she did in good faith and met the wife on several occasions.

Have we not all, at one time or another, been tricked by someone we trusted? The issue is now she needs support in knowing where to go to get a home and some financial support for her and her dc.

One of mine lives with her dad now. Nice to know people will assume I was a cheat

Cocker

Only if I was besotted with your ex, my dear! Otherwise I wouldn't give you or your situation a second thought.

On what planet are you NOT the OW when your paramour is living in the same house as his wife from whom he is not divorced? It’s the oldest line in the book.

Can we please be kinder to the OP? From what she has said she was not the OW and did what she did in good faith and met the wife on several occasions.

This - it doesn't seem that she's behaved maliciously towards her partner's ex, and has cared for his child.

Leave the girl alone - there are some unkind people on here.

I think this is karma come back to bite you and considering the fact you have a child you should have made smarter decisions.
He owes you absolutely nothing...why would he. It's his home. He has no obligation to support you until you finish uni. 5 years together isn't really even a long time...I'm surprised you moved in with him so quickly - you can't possibly have known whether he was the person for you or the person your dd should be calling dad.

In your situation, I'd move to wherever you can afford, enrol your kid in a new school, and count your blessings since you really got quite a lot out of this relationship being as he supported you through your initial university years. And learn from your mistakes.

Good luck Op, hope all goes well for you. Ignore the nasty posters who are determined to paint you as a marriage wrecker. You might have made a few mistakes, so what. We are all human, muddling along through life the best we can.

As we have discussed before, people are either married/civil partnership or single. There is no such thing as common law wife/husband. I would suggest talking to uni, council and do you receive child maintenance from the father of your child ? It is his house, you sadly have no rights.

On what planet are you NOT the OW when your paramour is living in the same house as his wife from whom he is not divorced?

Presumably when she is in a relationship with someone else?

I think this is karma come back to bite you

Bollox - if karma worked like that, every abused child would end up wonderfully happy in a loving family, instead of scarred mentally for life, and all of those bastarding concentration camp guards would have died screaming in agony instead of living long and prosperous lives, often with the aid of the allies who gave them jobs after the war just because they needed to keep the infrastructure of Germany/Japan/Poland reasonably intact.

Karma isn't nearly as straightforward.

On what planet are you NOT the OW when your paramour is living in the same house as his wife from whom he is not divorced? It’s the oldest line in the book.

Exactly.

I feel very sorry for the OP, but there is no getting away from the fact that she was the OW.
She was naiive, gullible- and whatever your views on "other woman" position it was slug boy who had a commitment to his wife, not the OP.

Op things will get better for you and your child. This will be an opportunity to start again. Speak to your uni support service and your friends there. Stay strong. You may also be able to receive help from council. Try to move out as soon as possible. I would make a clean break, but it depends if you think the children should keep a relationship. Sort out your accommodation and finances first

It was a complicated start to the relationship as DP was married and the ex partner still resided in the family home and made things extremely difficult for DP and I to begin a life together.

Just re read that.

It's all there.

Good grief, this fellas a real prince isn't he? You can't help thinking there's another OP waiting in the wings.

Hopefully some of the advice here will help OP. Good luck, this is going to be a kicker for you and DD for a while. Do you at least have family and friends that can lighten your load?

Exactly SchadenfreudePersonified. in fact I really wish karma existed because it would be sure to find some of these mean-mouthed posters a very deserving target indeed. Perhaps it does?

In the absence of proof of karma, there's no benefit to be gained from posting on a thread where somebody is clearly in a state, to deliver more misery and smug, trite 'warnings'; not unless you're completely lacking as a person and are enjoying the distress, that is. Shame on you.

speakout, quote the other posts from the OP too. It's all there then.

Whatever the ins and outs of you getting together, I think you just have to face up to what's happening NOW - that your relationship s over and you're losing your home, and deal with that.

This isn't i tended to be cruel - in the past, I've found a great strength from facing up to the truth, however unpleasant, and steeling myself to get through it.

You've changed paths by going back to studying, you are strong enough to deal with whatever you need to do to get to the end of the course, whether with a year off or straight away.

Yes, you made a mistake in trusting this bloke, but who hasn't made mistakes with who they trust? The important thing is what you do next.

For all these people who say he supported her etc, you need to think about the fact that she was looking after his kid 24/7, running the home, doing all the chores etc.
Basically he has used her, then dumped her when hes got a better offer. He wont be living life as a single man.
All you can do OP is learn from the experience and if you move in with someone again make sure you ensure your future financial security.

OP I’ve only read the first and last pages of the thread so sorry if I’m going over old ground. Firstly he’s a cold heartless bastard if he can do that to you and your DD and you’re well rid.
Secondly I went to university on my own with 2 young DC. You can do it. Unless things have changed drastically since I was a student you should be entitled to a dependent’s allowance for your DD as well as CTC and CB. Students who are lone parents are also entitled to claim Housing Benefit. Talk to the student welfare officer as soon as you can. Some universities do have limited family accommodation at below market rents, contact student finance to tell them your circumstances have changed. You may find you’re eligible for a larger loan/grant. Also talk to your local council about your housing options. Where I live there’s a local charity that helps people with a deposit for private rent and liaises with landlords who will accept HB. There may be something like that where you are.
Any family or friends nearby who could put you up for a couple of weeks while you sort something else out?
I wouldn’t bother with a solicitor. My friend’s parents split after 30 years and because they weren’t married and everything was in his name she wasn’t entitled to anything even though she’d contributed equally to the home and family over the years.
As for all the finger pointing going on I think most of us have been taken in by a charming liar at some point