Would you leave your DCs behind?

[Americanoplease]

If you had to move to USA for business purposes, and they didn't want to leave the UK and but want to stay with their dad. Ages 18, 17 and 15.

No. Unless they were boarders in which case I wouldn't see or parent them anyway. If boarding, they can come out for the hols, no need to stay with the ex.

Fuck no.

Good god, the hysteria on here anybody would think the OP's DC were all toddler age.

Unless there is any unmentioned SN or chronic illnesses, a 15 year old is old enough to understand that their mother has had a potentially once in a lifetime opportunity handed to her which she wants to take up. Totally different situation if they wanted to come but she couldn't/wouldn't take them.

Err no....

Question is, why would you want to?!?!

No. The 18 year old yes the 17 year old maybe, but the 15 year old. They’re still a kid, I wouldn’t live thousands of miles away from them, it would be completely selfish

Yes, I would go as long as their dad was more than capable of caring for them. They are teenagers who know their own mind and understand you have a life too. Get an apartment or house big enough for them to come incase they change their mind. They will hopefully visit regularly and you can maintain contact every other day x

No.
It would feel like the permanent end of day to day parenting, for all 3, all at once.
Way to brutal (for me). I wouldn’t be able to face it.
Plus 15 yo, I would feel too young.

Though actually the kids would be fine. It’s me that wouldn’t be.

OP has said her DCs WANT to stay with their Dad so it seems like they get on with him.

Again different situation if OP was forcing them to.

In your shoes, I would ask them for their blessing to go, in writing so they can't throw it back at you later on, and have a plan of when they're going to come out sorted before you go.

I wouldn't. My grandparents spent many years living abroad while their kids (my mum and her sisters) were in boarding schools in the UK and farmed out to relatives in the holidays. They're OK now but don't speak positively of those years at all.

No I wouldn’t.

To move to US for business reasons is a choice not a ‘have to’, I would
not make that choice. I think teenagers need parents as much as smaller kids.

No. I think teens/young adults need both their parents in an ideal world. So I would never do anything myself to separate myself from them. I also wouldn’t move to another country when they were adults. I just place a high value on family being near-ish. If they choose to move away, I would always respect that and support them. But they should be able to rely on me being their for them.

My parents moved away when I was a young adult and it left me feeling very rejected.

Hell no. And I'd have been devastated if one of my parents had moved so far away at those ages. At 18 I went to uni and my parents upped and moved 100 miles away from our home and 200 miles away from uni. It took me many, many years to forgive them and I still get upset thinking about that time. Even if they lived with their dad every day, I'd still say no.

I would consider it. As a teacher in an international school I have known lots of parents who have had to return to their home countries at a critical juncture in their children's education. It is quite common for the child to live with a friend or with a host family just to finish out the academic year. I think it depends on the child and on how long the arrangement would last - but yes, it can be done successfully.

Absolutely not.

In your shoes, I would ask them for their blessing to go, in writing so they can't throw it back at you later on

How manipulative.

No, it would be cutting short the parenting (of children) phase of your life. And that’s just thinking if it from my own selfish perspective never mind what they would feel. I wouldn’t consider it as an option personally.

If I and my children didn't have dual America and British nationality, I would have to decline the job. I couldn't bear being that far away from my children.

However, as we do... I would try my best to convince them to come with me. There is every chance they may finish school, pack up their US passports and certificates of birth abroad and go anyway. I couldn't stop them.

I hope everything works out for you, OP.

I wouldn't. I think now is the time they need you most.

They're big enough to do without you, doesn't mean they don't love you.
Relax.

No. I am at their disposal until they are 21.

MadMum101 On one hand you're saying it's harmless and theyre old enough to understand. On the other hand you're saying you'd get a written letter of approval just in case they throw the move back in her face.

Considering their age and assuming the dad has around 50%+ custody as it stands and you can make regular trips back then it's fine. I personally couldn't live that far away from my kid though. I would just be constantly worrying about them but as almost adults they'd be fine

Never

No way

Not a chance.

And if my mum had done that to me at any of those ages I think it would have been very damaging