Would you leave your DCs behind?

[Americanoplease]

If you had to move to USA for business purposes, and they didn't want to leave the UK and but want to stay with their dad. Ages 18, 17 and 15.

No, no, no. But I wouldn't necessarily judge someone for doing that. Men do that all the time. But no way would I ever leave my dd behind. I feel emotional just thinking about it.

No. I would never want to live on another continent from my kids. I love my work, but it is just.. work.

Nope, just no! I know a similar situation. DS went to live with family. There is no close relationship between DS and DM save for taking at xmas at birthdays. I think it's different if your children chose it ie they have moved out gone to uni and then you male the decision... but when you chose it .. just appears to be rejection

No, I wouldn't even consider it, not for any amount of money or job satisfaction.
My kids come first.

This is such a hard one.
My mum moved out when I was 15/16 and honestly it fucked me. Saying that, I was dealing with depression, my dad worked 6-7 in London and my sister moved to Germany shortly after so I had no one.
Personally, I wouldn't. It's really hard when your parent just leaves you and moves on, my relationship with my mum is forever scarred. I really struggle to believe she loves me, she often says she would do 'anything' for me - I always think anything that's easy for her. She tries really hard with me and DD now but I'll never be able to properly forgive her.
Your kids may well be different and be really happy with the arrangement but I personally wouldn't. If something happened you'd be so far away.

I think it would depend on what their relationship with their dad was, if they understood that you weren't abandoning them, if you could afford to visit/have them visit regularly, especially during the holidays, and if you could use the 6 month stint as a trial period without it meaning you were committed to moving permanently. I think that if it's something that you would regret not trying, then go for it!

My dad regularly worked away for 3-4 month stints without coming back pre-internet, and we (well, I) never really felt we ere missing out. I now live on the opposite side of the world from the rest of my family and we skype, fb, messenger etc nearly every day with photos etc. All of my siblings have moved countries for years at a time and we have family scattered across the globe, so the idea of moving away from family isn't alien to us.

If I was offered a dream job overseas and DH or DCs didn't want to come, then we would discuss how we could work around it but they would support me going. Take the time to talk it over with everyone involved, but I would try it out.

I couldnt be that far from my kids, and I can’t imagine how sad I’d have if my mum moved away when I was a teenager. Id have been gutted.

No way.

Tbf, it's not long until the youngest would potentially be moving out, so I wouldn't pass up an opportunity if it meant that you (and they) could have a fulfilling life. I know that my dad really regretted turning down his absolute dream job beacuse I was 15, didn't want to move countries again and he would have to have left us for a year while visas etc were sorted. I proceeded to leave home the moment I turned 18, as did all my siblings. If he had taken the job, we would have had far more options open to us as a family and even if I had still done the same move after high school, geographically we would have been a lot closer and he would have a comfortable retirement.

Nope. You are telling them your career is more important than them.

I wouldn't even consider doing this.

Couldn’t. Sorry

Would everyone saying no say the same if it was a man asking? Why should OPs career not be important too? Kids grow up and move on, maybe this opportunity might never come around again. Why should OP not at least consider ways to get the situation to work without being told that it's selfish, or putting their career first? When are you allowed to consider putting yourself first? When the kids have left home/married/had kids?

I couldn’t.

Op asked people what they would do, not what dp would do.
As a mum, no, wouldn’t do it

Yes I would say it to a man, stop trying to look for sexism when there isn't any.

Many people do value their career, however leaving my kids permanently, when one is only 15, and moving to a different continent is not something I would ever do.

When should she do it? Probably when her kids have all left home, as then they aren't reliant on her and their dad,

Definitely not while I had any under 18. After that it would depend.

I couldn't do that. They need you a lot more than you might think at that age.

I have a great career that means a lot to me in terms of my identity, lifestyle and would love to develop this further when DC are a bit older. Would also love to travel more. We love our adventures and long haul travel.

But, no. Happy to leave DC for a few days or a week for work or even a sun break if DF or GP offer!!

Would everyone saying no say the same if it was a man asking

Yes

Absolutely no. I couldn't do it no.

I wasn't looking for sexism, it was just a question because I don't think people question it as much when a man takes a job away from his family, e.g my dad.

I wouldn’t, no. Would your 18 year old be allowed to live with you anyway? Not sure what the visa situation would be for an adult.

I am afraid they may not forgive
You

You can have the most rational senseible reasons however

All children know is you left and their at that age were they may not be forging teenage years are selfish and they need you at this stage as much as they did when babies

I would judge you and I think your children would as well I also think men who move away from their children are twants

You cannot be an effective parent over Skype

kaytee87

Would everyone saying no say the same if it was a man asking
yes I know serval women who have met men abroad and they trying desperately to get them to the U.K. they all have children I think the men are dicks