Would you leave your DCs behind?

[Americanoplease]

If you had to move to USA for business purposes, and they didn't want to leave the UK and but want to stay with their dad. Ages 18, 17 and 15.

Absolutely not, wouldn’t even consider I’d look for another job even if it meant a drop in salary. I couldn’t imagine not seeing my kids in a regular basis unless it was there choice to move away then you have to let them fly, but there’s something very different about a parent moving so far away by choice sorry.

100% no. No question.

Nope couldn't do it, my kids are my world

I couldn't. But I wouldn't judge anyone else for doing it. Depends on the children, too, I think. Maybe they'll join you at some point!

Also, I'm guessing there are certain jobs where this is very normal - armed forces, diplomatic positions etc.

No

OP isn’t abandoning her children- they would live with their Dad and (assuming based on OP) have emotional/financial support and stability. In a few years the DC will be doing their own thing and where will OP be? Not all careers are kind as you age. Sometimes to stay relevant you need to take risks. As long as the pay was good, annual leave was good and DC are resilient types, I’d go for the 6 months and see how it goes.

No way would I leave them but can I just ask and I’m certainly not judging you but do you have a good relationship with them.

Yes I would. If it’s the opportunity of a lifetime and your kids are happy to stay home with their dad I can’t see the issue. However, if they are really unhappy with the prospect of you leaving then you should consider the possible consequences carefully.

I would consider it for sure.

Obviously it’s not ideal, but life rarely is. I would talk to the kids and see what they think. Because if you don’t go, they could all go off to uni within the next 3 years or potentially decide to move abroad themselves and you could have missed out on the right next opportunity for you. Of course you’ll miss them and they’ll miss you, and it wouldn’t be right for every family, but not doing it could be a mistake too.

Interesting how many posters completely discount the dad in this thread..

No I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t even consider looking for employment in another country when I have kids?!

Why have children if you plan to move to a different continent whilst they are in a crucial stage of their development

Dad might be good but children need their mother

It has nothing to do with discounting the dad. The decision of either parent to leave their children for a job and home thousands of miles away before the children are grown is likely to be damaging to those children.

What ny mum said. In 3 years if all go to university, all will have left home. If dad is a good parent - why not? My brother left a job overseas because he missed his family - he and his ex wife (a great mother) have a good relationship. They had both lived overseas before splitting. After two years in the UK he was still unemployed and had to return overseas for work - supported by his young kids and ex wife. If all the family are understanding and supportive, then go. Try the 6 months and see what you feel

I think children in teenage years are nowadays under a lot of pressure and mental health conditions are spiking. For that reason, I'd stay until they are at least of university age or degree completion, since they would probably live far away / on their own themselves and communication would switch to Skype/phone most of the time. They can also visit on the holidays. It's a huge change, so I'd ask them what they think and would go with that. I think that even if you have a great bond with them as children, this stage is completely different and you need to encourage different bonds. For me in this case, the more support the better, so I don't think it's a case of mum or dad going away. I think it's a case of adult parenting support in a very complex stage. You are breaking (disruption of routine) their family structure at a delicate time. You would both have to put a lot of extra time in communicating with your kids, not sure how feasible it is with time difference and the long working hours in the US (plus very little

Yes. Parents around the world do this all the time-leave their kids with family whilst they move abroad for work.
Your kids aren't young and the US is not the moon.
If it's a great, well-paid opportunity, take it.

I don't think she's coming back. And this is quite a long thread based on two very short and uninformative comments.

I find it fascinating that the comments in here are so adamant that children would suffer horrendously when we are a nation where a large proportion of those who have excelled in life spent the majority of their childhood in fucking boarding school, miles away from their mummy dearest AND dad.

Go for the six months as a test. This is not a rehearsal.

@Goldilocks3Bears

But these children haven’t experienced that, have they? This could be a very real sharp ensuring shock for them.

On the other hand, and I don’t say this nastily, the fact the OP is even considering would indicate to me that perhaps there isn’t quite the relationship that many of us conveying surprise at the OP have with our children

I wouldn't personally, but I guess the fact that you are asking MN about this means that you probably are ok with it.

can I just ask and I’m certainly not judging you but do you have a good relationship with them.

I wouldbn't rule it out, OP. You know your children best, whether they have a sufficiently strong relationship with their father, how often you could come home and see them or fly them out to see you etc.

Personally I wouldn't go. But if I had no option then I'd leave them happily with their dad rather than drag them with me, which would be selfish IMO.

At most they wouldn’t see the op in person for 6 weeks.

I don’t think at 15-18 that is too bad and there is Skype in the meantime.

Also there is always the possibility of studying and working in the US in the future for all the children.

Would the responses be the same if it was the father in this case with the job offer

I’m shocked anyone would suggest OP doesn’t have a good relationship with her kids. What a load of judgemental nosh. The youngest is 15. It sounds like there is a balanced relationship with the dad who sees them often.

Maybe the children (young adults really) are the kind that have taken their parents hard work ethic and don’t sit and game all day smoking a spliff and contemplating an early pregnancy whilst eating cheese puffs.

Maybe they are the sort of kids that themselves have a lot of interests, maybe even a job, and don’t need constant supervision?!

We also don’t know from OP what other network there is but I assume that with the whole US discussion, she works full time and there may be a network around he kids already.

Of course it would be a change but as a PP suggested, half terms and holidays in the first six months would take the edge off that. Maybe it’s also a wonderful opportunity for the teens to have some dad time.

Maybe the children (young adults really) are the kind that have taken their parents hard work ethic and don’t sit and game all day smoking a spliff and contemplating an early pregnancy whilst eating cheese puffs.

Because teens are that extreme aren’t they. There’s no middle ground.

What a ridiculous short sighted and blinkered view.