Would you leave your DCs behind?

[Americanoplease]

If you had to move to USA for business purposes, and they didn't want to leave the UK and but want to stay with their dad. Ages 18, 17 and 15.

No, I’d look for a new job that didn’t involve living abroad.

Just because the OP's children want to stay with their dad rather than moving with their mum to the States doesn't mean they are happy about her going. Going for six months would be very disruptive to their educations so to me it's a bit of a no brainer for them to stay behind.

Very involved and sees them often isn't 50:50. No other information given by OP, but to me this suggests her children live with her and see their dad regularly (possibly the standard every other weekend plus weekday evening for NRPs).

I have older teenagers and spend a significant amount of time with them every day. When any of us travel we use Skype equivalents but it's in no way the same. I would not choose to be away for more than a few weeks at a time and then only for something pretty important. Six months would have to be for something with really significant benefits for all of us.

NO, absolutely not. The fact you're even asking this shows how much you are doubting your decision.

My children were pretty independent at 15, regularly cooking for the family, doing their own washing, helping with cleaning etc. They still needed us and wanted to pend time with us. Being dependent on your parents at that age isn't being 'enmeshed' it's completely normal. I asked to go to boarding school at 15, mainly because my relationship with my mother had gone quite badly wrong. I still visited every weekend, and spoke to them on the phone sometimes every night. Not sure how this mother will be available when she is physically in the States, presumably working very hard and with a time difference of between 5 to 8 hours to manage too.

Ofcourse not. No amount of money or career progression is worth missing family life surely?

It's not just about whether your 15 year old can cook himself a meal (he's gonna be living with his dad anyway, not on his own! So it's kind of irrelevant), it's also about whether YOU want to live in a different country to your relatively young children. I wouldn't.

Parenting isn’t only about cooking their meals and washing their clothes.
It’s the emotional well-being of your children

And fifteen is way too young to think that’s not necessary anymore

Where’s the OP?.

No I would not do it.

I moved my DC and myself far enough away from my home, friends and family for my DH - however much I might yearn to go back, I would never leave them here and go. As things stand, it's very unlikely that we would be able to go together either - unless something truly awful happened to DH, we're stuck here.

One of my parents moved abroad to be with a partner (now married). My siblings are I were adults and two of us married but it has affected us greatly, our relationship with our parent isn't as good as we would like and our children's relationship with their GP is poor. We all try our best but distance is never going to help the parent child relationship.

No.

FIL was offered the same opportunity when DH was 17. He didn't take it up after a lot of family angst. It still annoys DH 20+ years later that his DF wanted to do it and put them through all the indecision and fighting over it.

In another 5 years, maybe, but not whilst the youngest is just 15.

No

My mum left when I was 14.
I would strongly advise against it.

This is an interesting thread as I would love to move to the US but DSD is only 6 so we can't even consider it right now.

My parents are now no contact but when I was around 13 the relationship really deteriorated. I really needed them as I was going through a really difficult time (bullying in school, abusive relationship and resulting depression and self harm) and they just didn't want to know and actually made things a lot worse. I think I'd have been gutted if they'd moved abroad and not seen me.

That said, your life is important too and they'll soon be flying the nest. Would you regret not going?

No

No, I wouldn't go. I'd get a different job.

I wouldn't, and that's from the perspective whose kids are adults..aged 21-26.
Mine needed me a LOT between 16 and 24. Exam stresses (both school and Uni) relationship break ups, anorexia (due to stress at Uni) Moving to new places and jobs...
They didn't need me physically on the spot for daily stuff (tho moving to Uni and to new flats etc is hard work with no support) but they frequently needed me on the phone and ready to BE there when needed.
Two have move back home temporarily due to jobs etc.
Mine weren't babied and are all successful adults (barring youngest who is autistic) but they have continued to need their Mum and Dad at various times.
I would consider the eldest at 26, is now completely independent of us ..in a good way, marrying, buying her home, but she still would like us to live nearer . My second child move to Australia for a year..his choice and yet he still missed us horribly.
I certainly would not want to leave a 15 year old, when entering the cusp of adulthood!

I would feel sad for the kids, whether it was Mum or Dad who left.

I wanted my DC's and still do. They are 22 and 25.
No way would I leave them even now.

No way, jobs come and go but family is hopefully permanent and the most important thing in life.

You only live once, if you want to go then I would go.

You are a long time dead.

No way would I ever live in a different country to my DCs (and they are all grown up now).

No way would I ever live in a different country to my DCs (and they are all grown up now).

How will you manage if one of your DCs decides to cut the apron strings and relocate to another country?

In a heartbeat. My kids are cunts though

I think I would go for the 6 month with dc coming over for all the holidays, even the odd long weekend if that is possible. And see how it goes.

Given your dcs ages you might be able to get them a Green Card which is almost impossible to get. Who knows where their future lies.

@AnnieAnoniMoose Did you even read my post? It's exactly that situation.