Would you leave your DCs behind?

[Americanoplease]

If you had to move to USA for business purposes, and they didn't want to leave the UK and but want to stay with their dad. Ages 18, 17 and 15.

No. Only if my kids were completely independent, adults, married, in own homes, settled etc etc.

It's totally beyond me why someone would have kids only to fuck off to another country to live! I mean 15....poor child...

poster Angelil Fri 24-Aug-18 11:21:04@AnnieAnoniMoose Did you even read my post? It's exactly that situation

No, it’s not.

A child, whose parent who works internationally, going to an international school where that parent is working, wherever that is, FINISHING an academic year before moving to/back to where their parents are now living, is NOTHING like a parent choosing to move overseas for a job when you are 15/17/18 (& in the UK education system) and leaving you behind with your your NRP. Nothing like the same.

It's totally beyond me why someone would have kids only to fuck off to another country to live! I mean 15....poor child

I know more than one family where children live in one country and parents live abroad and are looked after by nannies.

Children have been living like this since they were toddlers.

Lots of children go to boarding school and only see their family in the holidays

Yes, at that age they can make their own decisions. Explain full situation and work out the living arrangements including frequency of contact. Yes it's not ideal but life isn't perfect and within 4 years or so they will have left for university most likely anyway

Not a chance on god’s Green earth.

I would get by on nothing and be destitute before I would move away from my son.

No job is worth moving to across the world.

DH’s parents emigrated when DH was 18 and siblings 16, 13 and 8. DH and the 16 yr old stayed at home due to school/uni. Three years and another move later, the younger two moved back home and boarded.

For FIL, there was no real choice - he works in an extremely niche area (DH works in the same field and we just have to go to where the work is) and not going would have left him with no job at 45 or having to move into a non-related role at home for a third of the salary.

They are all very very close. It was the right move for the family and there are no regrets, 16 years on.

You know, within living memory, it was fairly common for people to be expected to move out of the family home and take care of themselves at 14 or so. It's still not uncommon for people with little or no money or assets to either move abroad and send money home, or expect young adults to do so.
While it isn't at all ideal that people should feel they have no choice but to move away from their parents/children for economic reasons, there's something to be said for recongisning that all this endless snivellling about emotional damage is something you can only indulge in if you're relatively well off, and that a bit more resilience is generally better than reinforcing the idea that feelings are more important than anything else.

How do they feel about you leaving without them?

Personally I wouldn’t no x

No way, not ever.

No way!

My husband's parents went to live abroad when he was in the last year of his A levels. He lived with an aunt and suffered no ill-effects - in fact she made him get a part-time job which he believes was very good for him. He did well in his exams.

I think that many people have conflict with their parents at this age and it might not be a bad thing for some of them to live with somebody else, provided they were still cared for.

Absolutely not, DH says he would rather loose his right nut than leave our children (just for those asking if it was a man asking)

Can barely bring myself to respond.

Absolutely 100% no no and no

No way in a million years!

"So its kids vs Job? Then I would be chosing my children without thinking about it."

ME TOO - your username also sort of suggests that you might be American yourself. Those ages are still extremely vulnerable, and there is no way in the world I would have left my children "just for a job".
You say OP that if you HAD to move, for business purposes? ... why do you HAVE to leave? You can "choose" to leave, or "agree to leave" but you don't "HAVE" to leave unless some kind of work visa or something along those lines is causing your residency problems? Really sounds like job comes before your children, I am afraid to say.

Never ! I had children because I wanted to be a mother and look after them. Yes I have a Job but my children will ALWAYS come first. How can you put Money / career before your own children ? You can never get that time back. They won't remember
the guilt presents but will remember that you were not there .

DH works(and lives obviously) in the Middle East and I live here with our children who are 7 and 13.

He has done for very specific reasons related to the children's future and because the nature of his job means he had to travel a lot to the Middle East at a moments notice. This is much less traumatic (can't think of another word) than them coming home from school and finding him gone for 4 weeks at a time.

He has an amazing employer who lets him either come home or we go over their on holiday virtually every school holiday so we see him every 6 weeks or so and speak to him everyday on FaceTime.

I won't lie it has been really hard at times especially for the older one who misses his Dad dreadfully but they have had amazing opportunities to see the world and it's not forever.

Smacks of a DM hit and run.

Honestly I’m not sure. I have two children with Sen so won’t be going anywhere without them ever.

How do you children tell you they feel? Also, would the opportunity come up again? I’d possibly consider six months and go from there.

Haven’t read the full thread but have you asked them what they think? I know at 15 I wouldn’t really have given a shit if one of my parents moved away.
If they wouldn’t be all that bothered, then I would.

There are many reasons parents become separated from their children;

Some parents send their kids to boarding school and have lengthy separations from their children
Some have jobs in the forces and have overseas postings
Some older people have experience of 'war' where a parent was away for years.
Some parents live apart from their family to earn a better living and send money home for their children's upkeep
Some parents in re-marriages emigrate.
Some parents end up in prison with long absences from home

It depends on your plans long term OP and what benefit the move has for your children and family overall. Not sure you've given enough information for any informed opinion to be made. Besides, surely you know in your heart what the best decision would be?

No I wouldn't. If they were at uni then maybe, but I couldn't leave a 15 year old.

Absolutely not. Not ever.