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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask how you would react if your 15 year old was pregnant

471 replies

IhaveNCdforthispost · 23/08/2018 11:38

And was unable to terminate. I am interested in how you would react to this.

OP posts:
speakout · 26/08/2018 09:11

but let's face it, the freedom to focus on your education and career is a huge freedom only generally open to women if they can control their fertility.

Wise words.

speakout · 26/08/2018 09:17

acting like a drunken idiot at university or working seven days a week.

Who acted like a drunken idiot at University? Not me.

And working 7 days a week- yes because my job was exciting, I would work extra hours for no pay.
I worked in a scientific discipline looking at ways to develop cancer treatments, DNA stem cell research, I would often go into the laboratory at 6am on a Sunday morning as I was so eager to see results of an experiment running overnight.

Is that idea so alien to you?

speakout · 26/08/2018 09:20

And I wouldn’t swap my life for all the long haul holidays and sex marathons in the world.

Yes and I am a mother too. But I have done everything you have done and all the other amazing things.

That's why I chose not to have kids before I was a fully launched adult.

Housecat09 · 26/08/2018 09:20

No, that idea isn’t alien to me. If you enjoy that, then that’s great. My point is that people enjoy different things and not everyone wants any of that, and the assumption that they do is offensive.

Housecat09 · 26/08/2018 09:21

Yes and I am a mother too. But I have done everything you have done and all the other amazing things.

You think they’re amazing. I find most of them fairly dull.

speakout · 26/08/2018 09:22

Housecat09 no need to be offended

I use my experience as an example only.

However wonderful motherhood is it does not define us as people.

There is a whole world of experiences and opportunities out there, but having a baby at an early age limits our choices.

annandale · 26/08/2018 09:24

I don't think it's offensive! Why would anyone be offended by someone assuming that they wanted to have options like that? A first baby at 21 is also great, but just like the other options, it's an adult choice. It's light years (ok six years but very crucial ones) from a baby at 15.

LardLizard · 26/08/2018 09:25

You wouldn’t have much option othercthen to be supportive
But I think it’s also best to be honestly supportive
So not just saying everything will b fine etc

I certainly would not encourage adoption as I think that could led to a v v unhappy future life

Housecat09 · 26/08/2018 09:26

You seem to be confused though, in that not everyone wants to choose the same things that you did.

Choosing to have a baby early gives different opportunities and disadvantages, just like having a baby later does. No choice is right or wrong.

I hate the assumption that young mothers are to be pitied.

Housecat09 · 26/08/2018 09:29

I don't think it's offensive! Why would anyone be offended by someone assuming that they wanted to have options like that? A first baby at 21 is also great, but just like the other options, it's an adult choice. It's light years (ok six years but very crucial ones) from a baby at 15.

Yes it’s not 15, but other than a degree (and I was pregnant when I was 20, so not even my last year) I didn’t get to do what that poster discussed either. But nor did I want to.

What I am saying is that all choices are our own and there’s nothing inherently sad about having kids young if you didn’t want to do those things in the first place.

It’s different if you wanted a carefree twenties and couldn’t for whatever reason. But making the decision to have your kids young, if it’s an informed decision, is perfectly okay.

lynmilne65 · 26/08/2018 09:31

Throw her out

hungryhippo90 · 26/08/2018 09:35

Internally I would be absolutely heart broken for her, because I was a teenage mum, I know the judgement that will open her up to. I have spent her entire childhood trying to show her that life is about so much more than struggling, which is all most teenage parents come to expect of their lives that I’ve known.
I’ve given her nice things, and she’s known that she could enjoy those things for herself, and establish herself to the point where she can provide financially for 2/3/4 people before actually having to do so, so there’s never a choice between having things for herself or her children going without (it’s not the case for us now, but it was for the first 6 years or so of her life, she always had but I didn’t)

Outwardly, there would be a lot of support from me, of course she would have to finish school, I would obviously provide childcare whilst she finished school. I would want to keep her as close as possible, I wouldn’t be able to let her move out at 16/17 with a young child as I would want her to have the ability to build a life for herself, instead of struggling and getting herself into debt or deal with even more responsibility at that young age.

I would support her, and she would hopefully attend a nearby university and gain a degree, and leave home a few years later when she has the ability to start her life in the same circumstances as other adults.

Originalsaltedpeanuts · 26/08/2018 09:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LardLizard · 26/08/2018 09:48

I think a lot of people would feel like they’ve let their dd down in some way

NotTheWayISeeIt · 26/08/2018 09:51

I'd be horrified and desperately sad. I'd be sad for her and for her AND for boyfriend. It would be a shite, shite situation.

Bigkingdom · 26/08/2018 09:57

I would be devastated and upset. I want more for my daughter’s than that.
I had my first child at 18 and it ruined my life because he died. How would a 15 year old cope if something so awful happened?! It’s far too young.

OrangePony · 26/08/2018 10:02

I know someone who got pregnant at 17 - wasn’t together with the father.

She went to Cambridge uni, got her degree whilst looking after the baby, is now very successful in the City, married with 2 more children, very happy.

KnotsInMay · 26/08/2018 10:02

A 15 year old hasn’t physically finished growing.

Totally different from having a child at 21.

A 15 year old us still a minor, legally.

It would be something to support, to cope with, but never to celebrate.

Babies are wonderful, but they need to be born to adults where there is a choice.

Isentthesignal · 26/08/2018 10:05

I think we’d cry together, hold each other till we felt strong enough to talk, then we’d plan our way out of it and that would most likely involve me trying to encourage her to build a career, while I looked after the little one. It’s all unlikely though - as she doesn’t want kids and doesn’t really fancy boys (or girls) much at the moment.

RedDwarves · 26/08/2018 10:05

I would be very disappointed, and, honestly, I would hope that they would terminate, but I wouldn't expect them to and I wouldn't push them to.

I would consider it an immense burden to become a mother at that age. It's not something I would ever want for a child of mine.

Iamclearlyamug · 26/08/2018 14:05

I think initially I'd be angry, disappointed, upset and wonder where the hell I'd gone wrong tbh.

If my DD wanted to keep the baby I would provide as much emotional support as I could but I wouldn't be helping financially (I couldnt afford to) or caring for the baby while she stayed in school (I have to work and have my own life to lead) - she'd have to seriously consider how she'd be able to bring up the baby herself.

I love my daughter to pieces but the reason I only had one child is because I don't WANT to do the baby bit again, I wouldn't want to be made to feel like I had to reverse 15 years because she made a silly decision

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