To ask how you would react if your 15 year old was pregnant

[IhaveNCdforthispost]

And was unable to terminate. I am interested in how you would react to this.

A 15yr old having a baby is generally part of a cycle or the beginning of one.
Thank God my children value themselves and others far more than that.

Watch you don't fall, it's a long way down!

I'd make her think the termination was her idea though I, so she wouldn't resent me in later life.

Wow. Manipulate. Awful.

I had medical management for a MMC last year as a PP mentioned. It very nearly killed me, the hospital room looked like a horror movie. It’s easily the most traumatic thing I have ever been through and I definitely wouldn’t wish that on my DD. I had a D&C with my second MMC though and that was far less traumatic, I would be exploring that option with my DD.

However, I took the OP to mean if your DD was too far along for a termination so it wouldn’t even be a discussion. I’m not sure how I would wangle the practicalities. A couple of girls in my year at school had babies in year ten when they were 14/15 and they just seemed to drop off the face on the Earth. I saw one of them in an exam the following year so I presume they were home tutored.

I had my DC young although not quite that young and I had to go to uni after having them. It was beyond difficult and of course it was far more difficult than my peers who only had to worry about where they were getting drugs from that night. University should be a carefree experience, it shouldn’t be blighted by responsibilities at home. I would ensure my DD fully understood the long term impact rather than getting bogged down with sentimentalities. Adoption is of course an option but I would argue that is far more damaging mentally than an abortion.

Honestly, I have no idea, but the thought absolutely terrifies me so I can only imagine how the 15yo would feel. I remember giving birth at 32 (my first), those hard weeks that followed (with full support from dh, in a stable relationship) and wondering how the fuck really young women and girls with so little life experience do it.

I'd therefore probably go through all the emotions - fear, anger, worry, upset - but would ultimately know how much support my dd would need, whatever she decides. And it would be her decision, totally - and I would try to be as honest about the potential consequences if she keeps or terminates it. But also reassuring. Nothing is ever so broken it can't be fixed, there are always options. I would absolutely give her as much support as I could to help her finish her education too.

This happened to a friend this time last year
15 year old pregnant and it came to light after an abortion was possible ( child in denial I think)
Mum and dad were shocked at first there were tears and lots of ‘discussions’
But ultimately she had the baby and they supported her through it all
I guess you just manage because you have to

Time for a trip to the sexual health clinic for teenage dd ! Throws condoms around with abandon

Sorry, completely missed the 'unable to terminate' bit. Well, I think in this situation a parent has no other choice than to get their dd through it, however they can. What else can you do? Abandon them when they need you the most?

I’ve told my teenage girls that if they fall pregnant, the baby is 100% their full responsibility and I wouldn’t be providing constant childcare whilst they’re at college/school/uni whatever. They’re horrified at the idea of teen pregnancy and both said they’d terminate if it happened. If I was faced with a 15 yr old who wanted to go ahead with a pregnancy, I would be privately horrified. It would be obvious to me that baby was going to be a big responsibility of mine, whatever my daughter said. The impact on me would be huge. I would really struggle to ignore my own needs totally in this situation. And the effect it would have on the whole family. Yes, there would be no manipulation, no malice, no requests to terminate, but inwardly I’d be bubbling with anxiety and fear. I’d do and say all the supportive things, whilst not being happy about any of it at all.

I'd think I fucked up as a parent in all my conversations about contraception and assertiveness about partner's responsibility. To be honest I'd be gutted. And ask her what she feels/thinks she should do. We'd try to figure out the best solution together.

I can't imagine though NOT preferring the termination but it's her body after all, and I wouldn't press.

I’d be devastated.

I’d support them but I would be upset.

My friend’s sister had a baby at 15. Her son became a Dad at 16. She was a gran at 31. She was devastated that he hadn’t heeded her warnings over contraception

We still don't know why termination is not an option.

I'd encourage her to think about her future. Maybe go into journalism, where research seems to have been dropped in favour of posting controversial questions on message boards and writing about the responses.

We still don't know why termination is not an option.

It doesn’t matter why it isn’t. The point is it’s not.

We still don't know why termination is not an option.

It may just be simply because she doesn’t want one. That’s a good enough reason to make it not an option.

It does matter.

If the pregnancy is too far advanced then fair enough.
If the OP lives in NI then she could travel.
If it is for religious reasons then that needs to be challenged.

*If it is for religious reasons then that needs to be challenged.+

No it doesn’t. Her not wanting one for any reason at all is valid.

I swear this has gone too far the other way. We’ve gone from forcing women to carry pregnancies they do not want, to attempting to push abortion as an option for everyone, even when someone has clearly said they don’t want one.

If the OP lives in NI then she could travel.
If it is for religious reasons then that needs to be challenged.

You are making these options. OP said it was NOT an option.

It may just be simply because she doesn’t want one. That’s a good enough reason to make it not an option.

👍🏼

@mostdays 😂😂

Thank you so much for your thoughts. I posted because of something that happened to a friend which is why I gave no details.

The pregnancy was 26 weeks upon ‘discovery’ is why termination isn’t an option.

Thanks, again.

Honestly OP, there are much worse things that could happen.

Whilst it's not ideal, it's not the end of the world

OK, so a very late confession to a parent then. That in itself would really worry me as it's such a long time to be hiding a very big secret. I'd want to explore the reasons why with my dd, possibly with some external help in case it's because she was for some reason frightened of me or dh. Then I'd be looking into possible arrangements for after the birth, hopefully with the father's families involvement so that the burden could be shared, but also with school and any relevant community services to see what was on offer locally.

My dd had a friend who got pregnant at a similar age and she dropped out of school because of a lack of support, but the school that dd has just graduated from (we moved) has a young parents program so new teen parents have a much better chance there.

My priorities would be my child's mental and physical health, the babies wellbeing, my child's education and how to get her back on track. Neither dh or I are good with babies and we are both strong believers in our children being independent so we'd be looking at taking on as little care ourselves as possible so childcare options would be I think the first priority.

Where we live adoption is very different (relinquishment are not as unusual and open arrangements are possible) so that might be something to explore if the dd didn't actually want the baby (ie if not telling us was because she was in deep denial) but I'm assuming it's more likely that she didn't tell because of a fear that she'd be pressured into an abortion (possibly not completely unreasonably).

Like ihunt above, I would wonder if the late discovery was deliberate, to avoid the abortion option. I hope everyone involved is OK.

I have boys, but I would be devastated, internally.

To them, I would hug them, tell them we would get through it together, and call the girls parents for a face to face meeting to discuss moving forward. I’d move mountains to try and make sure it was easier for my kids and the girl who was pregnant but without a doubt, they’d be stepping up. Getting a job to pay for their baby when they turned 16. No going out, studying, working. They would be growing up quick

I would be devastated and would probably vomit and then scream and shout and cry However I would of course support her and help her as much as I could but at the end of the day it is the last thing I want for her.

I should add that as a midwife, I find that teens tend to generally labour incredibly well and I do often wonder if mother nature intended that to be the best age to have babies. However in todays society, it is far from ideal.