To ask how you would react if your 15 year old was pregnant

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And was unable to terminate. I am interested in how you would react to this.

I think it's awful how many people on here think that your life is over as soon as you have a baby.

Having a baby at 15 means your childhood is over. You are thrust into adulthood before you are mentally prepared, however, your life is certainly far from over.

I had my daughter slightly older than this. If anything, it spurred me on not be another statistic and to make something of myself.

I remained in full time education.

I went to university.

I now have a professional career. I'm not earning much yet (so still reliant on child tax credits and child benefit) however there is lots of room for promotion and pay rises.

I achieved all of this as a single parent (no financial or physical input from ex since day 1), with NO family support (my parents told me if i continued the pregnancy, i'd be doing it without their help).

I am proud of what I have achieved. More so now after reading how many of you think that having a baby as a teen means you will amount to nothing.

If someone has a good work ethic and a passion for something - having a baby will not hinder that. It might delay some things, but not stop them.

It makes life SO HARD though. And not hard for a little while. HARD for two decades. I have 100% responsibility for my DC and I think some young girls who got pregnant at 15 probably were shielded from a lot of the responsibility early on because of parents stepping in, with that determination that education not be interrupted. Maybe the 15 year old's life won't be ''over'' - although, she will be out of synch with her peers. But 9 times out of ten her mother is picking up an awful lot of slack so that her child's life isn't de-railed.

If my 15 year old got pregnant it'd be my life ruined.

If my 15 year old got pregnant it'd be my life ruined.

while I wouldn't say ruined as I don't think a baby by itself is anything other than a blessing, but my life would be utterly utterly derailed if my 15 year old got pregnant and wanted to keep the baby.

I don't hear people saying that having a baby as a teen means you will amount to nothing - or that your life is over when you have a baby. just a lot of people really concerned about how hard it would make everything for their child and how young 15 is to take on the responsibility of a baby/child. Of course loads of people go on to achieve everything they want but surely we all admit it is much harder with full responsibility for a baby. Plus I would want my 15 year old to still be a young teen - not a mother.

@Creeper8 Thu 23-Aug-18 12:04:55

I dont think its worse for boys either as someone said. It will be the girl left holding the baby and having to raise it, going through child birth at such a young age, missing out on her childhood whilst the boys life will remain pretty much the same.

That was me saying that - just went back to my post as wasn't sure I'd said that and yes I had, you're right. But think about it. What's worse. Having a baby and living with it and all the joy that brings. Yes it's hard too (I've always been a lone parent) but I could never ever consider giving him up for a second and I see all the love my family all feel for him and he feels for them.

Then there is his dad. Who (by choice) has had nothing to do with him whatsoever except for meeting up 3 times in the whole total of his 15 years. He has paid no money. Most of his family have never met him.

Who has it worse??

I suppose, though, can only see this from a woman's POV and for most women the turning their back on their child is unthinkable and yes. Men appear to be able to do it without a backward glance.

Personally I would be devastated and wonder where I’d gone wrong. I’d cry and worry and not sleep. However, I wouldn’t do any of this in front of her. I’d tell her that I will support her and love her.

My priority would be for it to not prevent her from completing her education even if it meant I had to take over the majority of the childcare or pay for it. The baby is one thing but I would be even more upset if she dropped out of education over it.

shortbread
How did you possibly finish school and go to university as a teenage lone parent without family support?
Where was your child when you were at school, university and work?

This is from a good few years ago now, and austerity may have cut the services discussed to the bone now, but there have been some really effective schemes to support young people who have babies through school and onward into higher education. With the right support young mothers and their babies can do well, but that doesn't mean that the chances of them doing so are not significantly reduced compared with their peers, although this may be due to factors preceding their pregnancy as well as the impact of the baby (teenage mothers being more likely to be from deprived backgrounds and have poor educational attendance and achievement).

My heart would sink like a stone.

I would hug her and do all I could to be in her side, but I would be devastated.

I would go through the options and let her know I thought an abortion was the best option but without pressurising her to choose my option.

Unless I took over most of the responsibility, there’s no way round it, the relentless care of a newborn...baby....toddler will rob a 15 year old of her teenage years. And be an immense financial burden.

I would of course love the baby.

But I would be gutted, in truth.

Where was your child when you were at school, university and work?

I know you posed this for someone else, but, some schools have mother and baby units. Then there is the university crèche and nursery options.

My biggest priority would be how to enable my DD to do their A Levels and get a degree so she could then have a normal career / job prospects. I would probably offer to legally adopt the baby and would be prepared to raise it myself.

I would be hugely disappointed though and in return I would want her to get some sort of long term contraception so it didn't happen again.

I would be very disappointed if they got pregnant before finishing university (they are already over 16) but I cannot imagine them waiting to beyond a month or so without telling me as they discuss everything. Luckily I have one driven child and one more interested in gaming than meeting real people (autistic)

Ds's girlfriend is 15 in about 2 months. As far as i know they aren't having sex but if ds told me she was pregnant i would be internally SO ashamed and terrified and would feel completely responsible - i would assume ds had mucked up contraception somehow. Ds's girlfriend's mum is fantastic and was a young lone parent so i know she knows just how hard it can be. The girl is adorable but she's a kid, her life hasn't been straightforwardly easy, i know she would be a great mum but they all deserve for that not to happen now.

I would talk to ds and hope desperately to be able to take our share of the responsibility if abortion were off the table, but i wouldn't blame them for never speaking to us again and my grandchild growing up not knowing who we are

I find a lot of these posts really saddening. Say your daughter is in this position she will remember your initial reaction forever. I have three daughters and they all have my unconditional love and support, I would try and read her face as to how she’s feeling, if she’s sad I would comfort her, distressed and scared again I’d hug her and make it clear she’s not in this alone. If she’s happy yes i would congratulate her, this is her baby not a rat infestation. We would then over time and with support from her midwife discuss as much as possible to help her plan a bit and be aware of what’s to come.

If you scream and shout how the hell is that helping anything? Throwing her out is just disgusting and I would judge you for it. Encouraging abortion - well it depends if your putting it there as an option or pushing and pushing and scaring her making her feel pressured that would concern me and is also awful behaviour.

Yes it will be harder for her but if she’s willing to try then I will be behind her every step of the way so she and her baby get the best chance in life.

Having a child at 15 limits options severely.

I am thinking of the experiences had between the ages of 15 and when I had my first child . None of it would have been possible with a child.
Fun degree time with no ties, some lovely long term serial partners, weekend long sex, flying to Paris and San Francisco for business meetings at the drop of a hat, long haul holidays ( and earning enough to pay for them) having a career break at the age of 29 and backpacking for 18 months in Indonesia while renting out my house,
Holidays in Seychelles, Bali, Sri Lanka, climbing fells, weekends in Amsterdam, working seven days a week because my job ( scientific research) was so exciting).

None of that would be easy with a child.

As a mum who had my own baby at just 16 I would be broken inside BUT I wouldn't show this, certainly not at first. I think I would go into practical mode and deal with it the best I could. Its ok to be hurt but it doesnt solve anything.

Fun degree time with no ties, some lovely long term serial partners, weekend long sex, flying to Paris and San Francisco for business meetings at the drop of a hat, long haul holidays ( and earning enough to pay for them) having a career break at the age of 29 and backpacking for 18 months in Indonesia while renting out my house, Holidays in Seychelles, Bali, Sri Lanka, climbing fells, weekends in Amsterdam, working seven days a week because my job ( scientific research) was so exciting).

I did none of this and I didn't have a baby at 15. Not everyone wants the same.

Whilst I am not suggesting a baby at 15 as an option, it is true that some people don't want to do all you did anyway.

Although I would have taken the weekend long sex

I didnt get to do that but I never had it so I cant miss it. I adapted like a duck to water to motherhood. Ive never known anything else!

Speakout but you are assuming that what you did should be attractive to everyone. It's a very class based assumption.

It's a pretty class based assumption to say that someone of a particular class wouldn't want any of that, in my view.

I’m sure they’d want it but how many poor people could afford it, realistically?

FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast

Class based??

I grew up in a tough poverty stricken council estate.. Hardly enough money for food.
No phone, no car, no fridge, no holidays.

Um, well, if they are able and willing to focus on their education at 15, they at least have the potential for the degree, the sex, and the well paid job which leads to the rest. Yes you find the occasional person who has a baby at 15 and still does some of that - and i get the 'it helped me focus' argument - but let's face it, the freedom to focus on your education and career is a huge freedom only generally open to women if they can control their fertility.

Fun degree time with no ties, some lovely long term serial partners, weekend long sex, flying to Paris and San Francisco for business meetings at the drop of a hat, long haul holidays ( and earning enough to pay for them) having a career break at the age of 29 and backpacking for 18 months in Indonesia while renting out my house,
Holidays in Seychelles, Bali, Sri Lanka, climbing fells, weekends in Amsterdam, working seven days a week because my job ( scientific research) was so exciting).

Not everyone wants to do that, though. I was never interested in backpacking, acting like a drunken idiot at university or working seven days a week.

I have always wanted children and to settle down and start a family. I had my first at 21. And I wouldn’t swap my life for all the long haul holidays and sex marathons in the world.