Page 16 | To ask how you would react if your 15 year old was pregnant

IhaveNCdforthispost · 2018-08-23T10:38:46+00:00

And was unable to terminate. I am interested in how you would react to this.

CherryPavlova · 23/08/2018 22:58

Luckily it didn’t happen but I know I would have been my reaction would be tempted by the way the child was conceived. I would find some “mistakes” easier to accept than others. I’d have been worried for their future and the child but then I hope my practical side would kick in. If they wanted to keep the infant then we’d look at how best we could support them to do that whilst continuing their studies. The baby would be welcomed as a joy and delight.

Rachie1973 · 23/08/2018 23:02

SleeplessInSuffolk
But a teen mother will need childcare if she's going to continue her education. Or do you think that shouldn't happen? The only way I'd think motherhood at 15 wasn't a total unmitigated disaster would be if the teenager could stay at school/college.

They have to stay in education until 18 anyway. My daughter has her college course all lined up and a funded nursery place for the baby when it arrives.

Gates · 23/08/2018 23:13

Id be upset and angry. But be suppotive all the way, help her however I could.

My elder sister had her eldest when she was just 15. I was about 8 at the time and remember the fall out. My mum was also pregnant at the time my dad ("sisters step dad) went mad and practically threw her out. My sister was very close to our grandparents and she went to live with them but they were not happy my poor sister to this day feels guilty for the stress and upset as they wernt in the best health.

This was back in the early 90s they were alot of judging and bullying around it think its not as taboo anymore. My niece had her eldest at 16 and my sister was faced with that same situation making her a nan at 32, wasnt what she wanted for her children but I admire how well she supported my niece who has been able to go college and gain qualifications something my sister never got tbe opportunity for

Dani18 · 23/08/2018 23:21

I'd be upset but supportive. I'd listen to what she wanted and ask lots of questions about the baby's dad, if he knew, is family knew etc. If they didn't I would encourage her to tell them and go with her to do this if need be. I'd no doubt have to help mediate with her dad who would be furious.
Importantly I would let her know that everything will be ok, I'll be there for her and will help in any way I can. That being said I'd remind her that she is the mum so will be taking responsibility for looking after herself and her precious bump.

NotUmbongoUnchained · 23/08/2018 23:22

I would feel like I had failed as a mother if that happened.
I would support her financially but I would not be doing childcare.

6triesbuttingout · 23/08/2018 23:33

Orange, you have a lovely dad

backstreetboysareback · 23/08/2018 23:39

Op are you the 15 year old? If so there is so much support available

SpareASquare · 23/08/2018 23:50

Why do you assume the parent will have to look after the teens child? Teens are capable of feeding a baby

What a stupid argument. A teen can feed a baby so all good to go ahead.

A 15yr old has no way of supporting a baby. They just don't. If they think they do then they're clearly not very smart, are they? If they think they can because mum and dad will make sure of it, then they aren't mature enough. Lack of personal responsibility, which is fine, they're teens and learning. Wouldn't be throwing an innocent baby in there to help with that.

A 15yr old having a baby is generally part of a cycle or the beginning of one.
Thank God my children value themselves and others far more than that.
I could say that I would strongly advocate for abortion but I know in my heart that my children would come to that conclusion themselves. They're not stupid. They've got way more to offer and experience.

SandyY2K · 23/08/2018 23:52

No girl or woman should ever have an abortion to suit other people!

If she's going to continue living in my house, then she'll need to rethink that.

I've had my babies. I do not want another baby living in my house and I certainly don't want to be financially affected which would be the case.

I have already made my views very clear on this topic to my DDs and they know better. The father usually buggers off and carries on living the single life and she'd be left holding the baby.

DD just aced her GCSEs today...why would she ruin her life by having a baby at this age?

Education is important. That's her focus for the next few years.

SpareASquare · 23/08/2018 23:59

I would be so excited
Can't imagine being the kind of 'parent' that would be 'so excited' by a child having a baby. Shuddering thinking of that poor teen.

I would never abort a child for money. Ever
Good for you.
I'd never knowingly bring a child into a life of poverty and no opportunities just to make ME happy.
Financial reasons is as good a reason as any to consider abortion.

NadiaLeon · 24/08/2018 00:07

I'd tell her that I loved her and then get to work about convincing her to terminate. A 15 yr old is not old enough to make such A huge decision with vast ramifications for everyone else. I'd make her think the termination was her idea though I, so she wouldn't resent me in later life.

Bluesmartiesarebest · 24/08/2018 00:14

This was one of the situations I dreaded when my DCs were teenagers. If abortion isn’t an option I would be telling my DD to find out if the baby’s father had parents who could raise the child. I have an illness which limits my mobility and DD’s father died some years ago so adoption would be the only other possibility in our circumstances.

Kokeshi123 · 24/08/2018 00:50

She has a home, and no bills. She can look after the baby until it’s school age

Err, OK, she can do this, but only if she's doing it at the expense of her own education and training, which will massively hamper her ability to support herself and her child long-term. Isn't this kind of obvious?

Most caring grandparents don't want this to happen, so they wade in to look after the baby and get stuck with hours and hours of childcare, just when they thought they were close to being done with the whole childrearing thing.

What about this is difficult to understand?

Most of us on here would "support" our kids in these circumstances, but let's not pretend it's not a pretty shit situation for the most part.

DustyMaiden · 24/08/2018 01:04

I would and did say I will support you whatever you decide. DGD was born on Dds 16th Birthday. DGD is at school, DD is at uni.

NCasIknowMNetters · 24/08/2018 01:13

DH and i are older parents and have quietly joked that a teen pregnancy for the DDs is the only way we'd get to be young grandparents.

Not the end of the world. I'd rather they didn't get pregnant (or have sex) at 15 but I would support them whatever they decide.

Abortion route: Hand hold, hugs, go with them. Talk afterwards, watch for mood, pay for counselling if they're having difficulty with their decision. Work out what their contraception will be going forwards with them/GP.

Birth route: Try to keep them in education and taking exams. Offer childcare assistance, but guide them through the practicalities of being a parent; work/life balance a little early. Separate off a couple of rooms for them+baby to have space (we're lucky to have a couple of spare-ish rooms as we extended the original house). I'd be disappointed for them, not at them. All that commitment so early in life. But at least they won;t be approaching 50 with primary school aged kids and no energy

I took infant DD1 to the cinema. In the toilets a young girl asked if she could hold her and I passed her across. The girl said she was pregnant and she'd mucked up her life and school. She was 14 and the roundness was well and truly on the way. I was taking a degree (at 37) and asked her if she thought I was too old to start a career. When she said no, I pointed out that by the time she gets to my age she'll have a university aged child and maybe she's got to slow things down now, but she'd thrown nothing away. Just do it the other way over age wise. I often wonder how she is now and hope it's working out for her.

SpareASquare · 24/08/2018 01:17

Most caring grandparents don't want this to happen, so they wade in to look after the baby and get stuck with hours and hours of childcare, just when they thought they were close to being done with the whole childrearing thing

I get the feeling that many of the parents on this thread see it as another baby for THEM to enjoy. So they purposely underestimate what a fucked up situation 15yr olds having babies actually IS because they're happy to have another 'go'.
Noone could possibly believe a 15yr old is actually going to be raising their own child

Maddy70 · 24/08/2018 01:17

Inside I would be mortified however I would not show that. I would give her a hug and support her anyway I could

OkPedro · 24/08/2018 01:43

So many fucked up ideas on this thread
How many 15 year olds who become pregnant actually raise the child, finish their education, get a good job and support themselves and their child..
I'd encourage my 15 year old dd to have an abortion
Not force her obviously but I'd be telling her I wouldn't be financially, emotionally or physically helping to raise the child
Children are not a blessing.. especially not for a 15 year old child

Mof3K · 24/08/2018 02:43

I'd be devastated and disappointed.
I'd strongly advise a termination. I wouldn't want her to have it.

SnuggyBuggy · 24/08/2018 04:46

While I wouldn't be happy I couldn't imagine turning my back on a baby grandchild like some have suggested they would.

N0bodysM0t · 24/08/2018 06:54

I wouldn't ''turn my back on a baby grandchild'' but I'd have to warn my daughter that I cannot step in and make it all right by taking any of the responsibility! I can't. I have been 100% responsible for my DC all along and now I need to work. For financial reasons and for mental reasons.
So I'd be doing my daughter a disservice if I said to her that it was entirely her decision. No 15 year old can comprehend the level of responsibility sacrifice financial and childcare conundrums and the lack of freedom.

N0bodysM0t · 24/08/2018 06:55

I agree @okpedro, it's not that these posters are kinder or more giving than the realistic posters.

Banana8080 · 24/08/2018 07:04

My key focus would be that she stays in education, even if she has a short break.

It doesn’t HAVE to be a disaster.

newplacenofriends · 24/08/2018 07:08

The op was two sentences long, one of them being "was unable to terminate". Why does everyone keep saying I would tell/persuade/get her to terminate.

Also considering OP hasn't come back, this smells very reporter-ish.

BlairWaldorfsHeadband · 24/08/2018 07:23

Because people think just because it’s possible to terminate, everyone should consider it an option, despite any ethical concerns with that.

Ruined lives, really. I can’t imagine ever thinking a baby is a life ruined. Quite depressing really that some see it that way.

I actually mentioned this thread to my partner, and asked what he would do. He was also disturbed by the number of people who would attempt to “convince” the young woman to terminate.

Being a parent doesn’t mean you always know best, but it means you will try your best to work things out with your dc. Coercive, manipulative, and controlling behaviour is not the way to do that,

Every woman should get to choose. Regardless of her age, financial situation or anything else. It’s as simple as that.