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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding v missing cat - WWYD?

190 replies

Twotailed · 23/08/2018 11:36

My best friend is getting married on Saturday in a town about an hour away and I am supposed to be travelling through this afternoon to help her with venue set up. However, my beloved cat has gone missing (totally out of character, very very worried). WIBU to not go until this evening or even tomorrow, so I can stay here to look for my cat?

I am MOH so I feel like it’s terrible if I don’t go today. I’m not the only person helping and I don’t think they strictly need me, but I know my friend is very excited for me to arrive and wants me there.

WWYD?

OP posts:
Idratherbeaspider · 23/08/2018 12:37

I'd be distraught if this were my cat tbh I don't know what you can do but just knock on everyone's doors and ask them to check sheds/garages quickly for her.

Toddlerteaplease · 23/08/2018 12:40

I'd totally prioritise my cats. And my friends would actually expect nothing less of me!

thecatsthecats · 23/08/2018 12:40

Having recently been in the same situation cat-wise, I would probably go to stop myself going crazy with worry.

As long as you're following all the advice, I find there's little else to do with your time except worry.

(my idiot boy turned up a mile away four days later to a lecture about how much I'd cried, whilst he obliviously noshed down all the food we put in front of him)

Nesssie · 23/08/2018 12:43

I know someone whose cat went missing for 4 months and it turned out he was living it up in barn with a loads of feral cats. Came home massively overweight.

Nixen · 23/08/2018 12:44

I’d be beside myself OP. I hope you find them ❤️🐈

Your best friend will understand and if she doesn’t then she’s not your best friend

oldsockeater · 23/08/2018 12:45

Ring all the vets in the area - if your cat gets injured someone may take her to a vet that isn't yours. They will have no way of knowing who she belongs to. I would do this urgently - injured cats with no owner are likely to be put to sleep sooner rather than later.
Hopefully she is microchipped but even so, they are sometimes missed or stop working.

RibbonAurora · 23/08/2018 12:47

daffodillament way to misread your audience. I don't ever always see eye to eye with RoseWhiteTips but in this case she's right and you're wrong, very very wrong.

Loonoon · 23/08/2018 12:48

IME Cats are not like dogs. They don’t need hunting for in the same way. It will turn up when it’s ready regardless of whether you are home or not. One of our cats disappeared for a week once - it was about seven/eight years old and had never even gone away for a night before. We were distraught and had given up on it when it reappeared 7 nights later. It never did it again.

Cats are weird. Go to your mates wedding as planned.

ToadOfSadness · 23/08/2018 12:49

Cat first, part of the family, and mine were more important to me than anything else. A good friend would understand this.

She may be shut in somewhere (cat not friend) so best wander around quietly at night with a bag of treats and shake them but don't walk away, stop, call, shake, wait and listen, wait some more then move on a bit and repeat. I hope she is safe and home soon.

MidniteScribbler · 23/08/2018 12:54

Sorry but she isn’t a bloody cat - she’s my absolutely adored pet

Sorry but absolutely adored pets don't roam the streets. Responsible pet owners keep their pets confined to their properties and never have to worry about missing a friend's wedding because they can't find their pet.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 23/08/2018 12:55

I don't think you've said how long the cat's been missing?

My own two are like family; I'm completely daft about them so do understand, but I don't think I'd let a friend down when there's so little to be done for now. You mentioned leaving when your DH gets back, but if puss still hasn't appeared by then you'll be even more worried and less inclined to go ... ditto leaving tomorrow if nothing's changed

Fingers firmly crossed that she turns up soon though Flowers

paintedwingsandgiantrings · 23/08/2018 12:58

Responsible pet owners keep their pets confined to their properties and never have to worry about missing a friend's wedding because they can't find their pet

Seriously?!!

What do you get out of trying to make another human being feel guilty and blame themselves for something that's not their fault?

You've missed something really basic in how to treat other human beings.

I pity you, I really do.

Livruns · 23/08/2018 13:00

I’m gobsmacked by this entire thread to be honest. I’ve always owned both cats and dogs, and they’re just not comparable in my opinion. If my dog was missing, I’d be frantic and searching non stop. Cats (or at least every one I’ve ever owned) go missing ALL THE TIME. They swan off and come back whenever it takes their fancy, and I would never dream of missing out on helping my best friend prepare for their wedding to look for one. They’ll come back when they’re ready. Or they won’t 🤷🏻‍♀️ Facebook posts, posters and speak to the neighbours. Then go off to the wedding as planned.

I do appreciate your cat sounds different to what I’m used to as you say this is totally out of character.

LuluJakey1 · 23/08/2018 13:04

I would not go to the wedding at all if one of our two went missing. They have never been gone more than being out at night hunting in the fields or because they like warm nights outside with the moths.
If they went missing it would be because something was wrong.

She will understand.

I hope your cat comes home safe soon.

helforddreams · 23/08/2018 13:06

This is meant to be a positive post, and not as negative as it may first appear.

Having always kept cats over the past 40 years, we have had many go missing. Depending on which cat is was, some were more worrying than others. And of course it is often really upsetting and worrying. However in all that time I have never found any of the cats (by looking, asking neighbours, posters, vets) BUT they have always some back of their own accord, sometimes looking quite thin and others not. One went missing for two weeks after Christmas once, meaning we had an upsetting time, and she wandered in one night in January as if nothing was wrong. So, although I understand why you wish to stay home, in a way I think there is very little you can do practically that you have not already done.

I hope the run up to the wedding is wonderful and if your cat is not back before you go, I hope she is waiting for you on your return!! Good luck.

helforddreams · 23/08/2018 13:08

And I agree cats always seem to know the most "awkward" time to go missing - over Christmas, before holidays and so on...I think they know and are letting you know who is boss!!

StroppyWoman · 23/08/2018 13:09

I'd go to the wedding (and if I were the bride I'd be VERY unimpressed at my MOH not coming because her cat was missing.)

It's a CAT. Not a dog, not a child, a cat

I love my 3 moggies, but know they answer to themselves and not me. That independence is why I prefer them to dogs.

Other than checking sheds/garden trees/whatever to make sure she's not stuck, accept that cats can wander off for a few days every now and again, and go support your friend.

Original poster
Twotailed · 23/08/2018 13:11

Thanks for all the helpful advice, and for the reassuring stories. It’s just concerning because it’s so very out of character. She’s incredibly shy, never strays, never leaves the garden, has never gone missing before. So it’s very unusual, which is why it’s so worrying.

MidniteScribbler

We can agree to disagree about whether it’s cruel to allow cats to go outside instead of keeping them shut in. There are arguments in favour of both positions and I won’t judge you for the decisions you make about the welfare of your pet. But one thing I will say is that responding to a person in distress by blaming them and calling them irresponsible is deeply unkind, and I hope you think better of it next time.

OP posts:
IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 23/08/2018 13:11

As the new mum of a 9 week old kitten, I'd miss my own wedding to look for her if she went missing. Pets are family!

ifonly4 · 23/08/2018 13:15

At this stage get all the help you can, go out calling and knock on as many doors as possible. My boy got himself shut in a neighbours shed, some builders heard me calling him and pointed out they could see a cat in the shed. Also, worth touching base with local vets, rescue centre is one close, also facebook, twitter etc.

Hope your little one turns up soon.

flippyfloppyflower · 23/08/2018 13:16

OP: I am sure your friend will understand completely and I would leave it as long as possible before setting off for the wedding. I lost a cat once and the little b turned up - dirty and a bit thinner - but with real attitude that it was my fault they had gone walk about.

And please ignore the goady PPs - they are being twats and they know it,

sheldonesque · 23/08/2018 13:16

The cat wins. Each and every time.

and I am a dog person

Pets are family. If I were the bride I would understand x

crumpet · 23/08/2018 13:19

If it’s only an hour away can’t you come back this evening to check how things are?

Ollivander84 · 23/08/2018 13:19

Cat
Mine is a homebody and never goes out really. He was missing for 8 days before he returned a kg lighter and with a dislocated hip. Seems he was stuck somewhere as he was frantic when he returned and cried if I even opened a window

SallyVating · 23/08/2018 13:19

Just go ahead with your plans. Cats are bastards. Yours will turn up