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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Complaining at somebody else's house

201 replies

PoesyCherish · 22/08/2018 09:00

My friend has been staying at my house for the last few days as she's over from abroad. Everything about me / my house seems to be wrong. It's too cold, too messy (I thought it was really tidy!), I cook food the wrong way, I don't have an adequate enough mirror for her to use to straighten her hair, my car is too dirty.

AIBU to think if you're staying at someone's house completely free of charge, eating their food and being driven around several hundred miles free of charge completely inconveniencing your host with the times and distances of said car journeys you don't complain this much??

OP posts:
GruciusMalfoy · 22/08/2018 09:24

Ah well, if your hosting skills are so awful I'm sure she won't be planning a return trip any time soon. She's being extremely rude and ungrateful. I don't think I'd be able not to tell her that.

CSIblonde · 22/08/2018 09:24

Just say your expectations are what a 4 star hotel would provide, and not my lovely home, so heres the nearest 4star hotel. She doesn't care about upsetting you so why worry about upsetting her. Is she jealous was my guess.

morningconstitutional2017 · 22/08/2018 09:24

You're damn right. She sounds like she wants to have her bread buttered on both sides and I hope you're brave enough to tell her so. Any future requests for free accommodation should be refused.

TSSDNCOP · 22/08/2018 09:24

No, as a guest you don’t behave like that.

As you don’t appear though to be prepared to do anything about it, you’ll just have to put up with it until Saturday.

Bimgy85 · 22/08/2018 09:25

Anyone with any manners wouldn't complain about anything. Had a friend like this who would snigger at my house for example if a press was broken. Or laugh if there was no cutlery in the drawer but it was in the dishwasher.

Theweasleytwins · 22/08/2018 09:25

Reminds me of the thread where a mumsnetter had a TripAdvisor style negative review written about her on her guests wall

Juells · 22/08/2018 09:27

@Bimgy85

for example if a press was broken.

Haha - Irish or Scottish?

AtrociousCircumstance · 22/08/2018 09:28

OP you are being such a doormat. Such a complete doormat.

Your choice.

troodiedoo · 22/08/2018 09:29

@Theweasleytwins I was just thinking that!

I never fail to be amazed at some of the cf's we hear about on mn.

Guienne · 22/08/2018 09:30

Next time she complains, tell her that as she seems to want hotel standards that's where she's going. Ask how quickly she can pack. She very clearly does have enough money.

Bimgy85 · 22/08/2018 09:31

@Juells irish all the way! Grin

OrgyOfBarminess · 22/08/2018 09:31

Why don't you give her an itemised 'bill' for every cf comment at the end of her visit.

MrsChollySawcutt · 22/08/2018 09:31

Next time she complains, tell you are sorry that your home is not good enough for her. Then tell her all the ways in which her behaviour as a guest is not good enough.

Juells · 22/08/2018 09:32

@Bimgy85

The puzzled faces when I'd talk about my kitchen presses...!

HolyMountain · 22/08/2018 09:33

Tell her she's being extremely rude and bloody ungrateful.

You have a voice, use it and stop being spoken to like this.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 22/08/2018 09:34

I would tell her that she doesn't seem at all happy to be in your home, and you won't take offence if she wants to move to a hotel or B&B.

I would count the complaints out loud, in the manner of The Count from Sesame Street perhaps? "One, one complaint, ha-ha-ha-ha," while holding up one finger. Or count them silently and announce a total every evening, "Only 9 complaints today, the place must be growing on you." But then I'm a bit snarky, which, now that I think about it, might be why I don't have any cheeky fucker friends.

TheViceOfReason · 22/08/2018 09:36

"You seem very unhappy here, if you would rather book yourself into hotel i won't be offended."

LeighaJ · 22/08/2018 09:40

If you don't want to kick her off to airbnb then just call her out on her rudeness. She sounds absolutely awful BUT some people don't realise how much they complain and only become aware of how rude and negative they are when called out on it. Don't just sit quietly and take it.

Original poster
PoesyCherish · 22/08/2018 09:40

"Only 9 complaints today, the place must be growing on you."

@BlackAmericanoNoSugar haha gosh it's so tempting. Would probably just end up in a row though as I'm on a low fuse.

I'm such a doormat aren't I! Tbh I didn't even invite her here, she invited her bloody self! I hate making waves though so was thinking of just quietly letting the friendship go when she returns home

I think the comment that has pissed me off the most which I forgot about until just now - is when she told me my underwear wasn't sexy enough - what the fuck?! I didnt realise I was hosting a bloody sex party! I was only folding my bloody washing and that's when she passed comment Angry

OP posts:
iamthere123 · 22/08/2018 09:40

I’ve ended up going NC with a friend from my old uni city for pretty much the same thing. Last time she came to visit my new home that I was very proud of and was slowly, but surely, furnishing as best I could on a tiny budget. She complained that I hadn’t got a mirror in the bathroom, about the lack of light shades, the lack of drawers in the kitchen, that it was chilly (she used to smoke and I would have to wear extra layers when visiting her because the windows were always kept open and wash all my clothes after because they stunk!)

Popchyk · 22/08/2018 09:41

I'd also say something.

"Mate, you've complained a lot about your free bed and board since you've been here. Do you think you'd feel happier in a B and B?" See what she says to that.

And no way would I be driving her hundreds of miles around. She can make her own way on public transport. If you are rural, then a lift to the nearest train station would be my limit.

Nanny0gg · 22/08/2018 09:41

Why do you feel guilty?

You don’t ever have to see her again!

Tell her to leave and find somewhere more to her taste!

MissusGeneHunt · 22/08/2018 09:42

Yeah, I'd go with pp's on this, a pleasant but firm 'if you're unhappy here, please feel free to book into the local Fawlty Towers...'. If she says 'oooh, no, I'm loving being with you here!' the conversation can then be had along the more polite lines of 'well shut the fuck up and stop complaining'.

Has she always been like this? If so, you're a brave one to have her over to stay....

She sounds like a spoilt, insensitive CF to me...!

Original poster
PoesyCherish · 22/08/2018 09:42

She doesn't care about upsetting you so why worry about upsetting her.

@Cslblonde - I don't know. I think because part of me wonders if the bluntness is a cultural thing and me upsetting her would probably be intentional whereas I don't know if she actually means to upset me or if she just is!

Ah well, if your hosting skills are so awful I'm sure she won't be planning a return trip any time soon

@Gruciusmalfoy - I bloody hope she is not!

OP posts:
SchadenfreudePersonified · 22/08/2018 09:42

I would tell her that she doesn't seem at all happy to be in your home, and you won't take offence if she wants to move to a hotel or B&B.

THIS ^

Also - is there nothing about her you can retaliate with? He unholy demands to be driven everywhere at inconvenient times, use bathroom usage, her constant griping about your home and hosting skills?

I'd really just tell her - "Look, if you don't like it, you can leave at any time. It won't upset me."