Would you go on holiday with 1 DC and not the other?

[Ashiz]

19 year old has booked a trip to NYC for my 50th. 20 year old will be home from uni during that time. We would not be away for my actual birthday and will do something together on the day. DD(20) is really upset. Would you go?

So the 19 year old is paying for you? Why would the 20 year old be upset or expect to go?

Has 19 year old paid?

If 20 year old wants to come along they better get saving!

I assume DD20 couldn't be added to the trip? Could you do a separate trip with DD20 at some other time?

Unless there's a massive back story I'd go.

DD is obviously jealous! Invite her along if she can afford it but don’t cancel if she can’t!

Is your 19 year old paying for them and you to go? Was it not mentioned to the 20 year old before booking at all? I can see why they'd be upset if they weren't given the option to come even if it meant paying for their own flight etc.

Sorry but no not a chance

I wouldn't go.

At 20 yes I would.

Who’s paying? Was 20 year old consulted before booking?

19 year old booked and paid for it.

What a thoughtful thing for the 19 year old to do!

If the 19 year old is happy give your other daughter the chance to pay to come along but otherwise go and have fun!

I don't know why they didn't collaborate on the present and both could have gone with you. Yes I would go or see if they could be added on .

20 year old wouldn't be able to afford it, but she wasn't asked, no. I didn't even know. 19 year old did a card as a surprise with it.

That's amazingly thoughtful and generous from the 19 year old. The 20 year old isn't a little kid. They either pay to join you or wish you a lovely break and stay at home on their own.

I don't think it's very kind to give your parent a birthday trip away to which your sibling is surplus to requirements. If she wanted to give you a trip they could have talked about it, pooled their resources and given you a trip somewhere that all three of you could go on. I can see why 20yo is upset.

Very nice of your youngest but a bit insensitive.

She would be at home with her dad. He isn't coming either.

I assume they didn't collaborate because 20 year old wouldn't be able to afford it. It's really tough! Seems so ungrateful to say I won't go (+ desperate to go to NYC!!) but feel for my 20 year old.

If I was the 20 year old I’d be a bit miffed that my sibling hadn’t told me about it and offered me the chance to join in. But I wouldn’t let my mother know that!

Of course you should go!

I think that's a bit badly planned from your 19yo, tbh., and I can see why the 20yo is upset. It's one thing to arrange, say, a day trip for the two of you, or a meal out. But a whole holiday without even asking the other sibling if they wanted to come, is just rude, and it puts you in a very difficult situation. I think you probably have to go, but talk to both your kids and explain that while it was a lovely surprise, you wish that it had been handled differently so that your other child wasn't excluded. And see if there's some way they can both come - like could you lend 20yo the money, to be paid back?

I think I would just go your 20year old will get over her upset if they start bickeri g about it keep out of it. Imo your 19yrold should have Sister involved in present buying but it has happened now.

I would go if 19 yo booked and paid for it, maybe give 20 yo the chance to join you if she can save and pay herself like her sibling has done, if she can't then she can do some nice things at home with her dad.

It's not like you are saying I'm taking one 10 yo and not the other, they are both adults.

I don’t know if I could accept such a gift from a 19 year old. Unless the child is some whizz kid teenage enterpreneur, that is A LOT of paper round/shelf stacking/mcdonalds shifts.

How much did you go on about your need to go to NY?

Did said teenager not even discuss this with your husband, not in a permission kind if way but more ‘what would mum like’ kind of way?