Would you go on holiday with 1 DC and not the other?

[Ashiz]

19 year old has booked a trip to NYC for my 50th. 20 year old will be home from uni during that time. We would not be away for my actual birthday and will do something together on the day. DD(20) is really upset. Would you go?

Your older child is being a twat. Have a nice time .

Well I would've at lease asked my sister if she wanted to come.
Do they not get on?
I would still go on the trip though as it's been paid for! 20 yr old will get over it.

In your circumstances yes, they're not kids and whilst it is a bit of a stinger for the 20yo she is old enough to understand that it was a gift and move on.

I have 3 siblings, my Mum and I go away for a weekend every year, my brother took her to Madrid for Mother's Day and she takes time out with the others too.

It's nice to have some alone time with each child, I intend to take my DS away without DD next year for this very reason!

I think it’s kind. Fine to go and spend 1:1 time together. Silly to do everything as a family unit as individual relationships need time too. I’d offer to take her to a spa to ease things. Nice spa day and massage with a meal out.

I want to book NYC for me and my DM at some point. I wouldn't expect to pay for my DSis, but would add her if she paid for herself. It is NU for you to go without DD1 if your DD2 has paid.

The best present the 20yo could give you is not spoiling this lovely gift by being a selfish baby about it. It's your birthday, this is something you'd love to do, she should grow up and be happy for you, not make it about her or some silly love contest.

So your youngest has given you a gift. She has not given the same gift to her DDad or her DSis? That's ok, because it is not their birthday and she cannot afford to take all of you. It's not the same as you the parent treating one of them but not both.
Go. Enjoy it.

The 20 y.o should have grown out of sulks and tantrums. Couldn't she have been pleased that her DM was getting a lovely treat for her b'day?

Ignore her. Go and have a great 1 to 1 time.

Of course I would go! Your 19 year old shouldn’t be punished for being kind, generous and thoughtful.
Your 20 yr old needs to act like the adult they are and be happy for you.
Is your 20 yr old expecting you to pay for them to go too? Or hoping that you won’t go because they are jealous?

Have a fantastic time

I agree, I'm not one to accept money and I do feel guilty she has paid (I did bring this up). She is also a student and works part-time, so yes, it makes it even harder for me to take the money, but she has booked it and insists she wants to. I've helped her out a lot (well, both of them!) with money as much as I possibly can, which is a big reason 19 year old has been able to save, that's why she insists, still I feel very spoilt!!

No she didn't ask my husband, it was a surprise all around. She knows I've been wanted to go to NYC. Plus, I think my children would be better at gift buying than he would!!

20 year old is acting like a spoiled selfish brat.

19year old gave you an amazing gift and wants to spend some time with you..he/she might not get along with the 20year old and may just want 1 to 1..I think you should go 100% abd enjoy it..
Your 20 year old needs to learn that not everything is about her! Don't let her ruin your gift!

Your 19 year old has done something lovely for your birthday, 20 year old is jealous. They are both adults. Both me and my brother (and our respective partners, all adults) have been away with our parents without the other, can we only go away if we all go???

Your younger child has made a huge and lovely gesture in recognition of what you have done for her. You deserve this! There will be plenty of time for other trips with your other daughter. She has to learn that adult life doesn’t always mean everyone gets to do everything!

You should definitely go.
.
And that's quiet an immature reaction from a 20yr old.

Incredibly generous of your 19 year old. Whilst your 20 year old of course has no right to expect to be able to go with the two of you, I can completely understand why she'd feel hurt to be left out. I do think 19 year old should have told her sister when she was initially planning it, so that she could have had the time to save up if she wanted to go with you.

Bloody hell. They are BOTH grown up. They are allowed to do things without each other and without consulting the other one.

It would be different if YOU were treating one and not the other, but you’re not.

Tell your TWENTY year old DD to grow up & stop trying to spoil it for you and your younger DD. Don’t let her.

Go, have a great time with your 19yo who has done a LOVELY thing.

Of course you should go, perhaps the younger child could have consulted with the older one but either way the older sibling couldn't afford it so makes no difference. The older child needs to get over it, they are 20 & would be able to manage dissapointment by now.

20yo is being unreasonable. Who is she to get upset about your other DC treating you? Especially as you’re all adults! She can pay for you two to both go away on your own another time if she likes.

Why can the 20 year old not get a PT job and start saving like hell, if they want to go?

Or do they expect the 19yo to pay for them?

Pretty selfish of them to not want you to go just because they can't afford to pay for themself.

Of course you should go. And when the 20 year old saves up enough money to go to NYC she can go too.
Maybe the 19 year old wanted quality alone time with her DM and not with her DS and DF. Nothing wrong with that. 20 year old is just jealous, let her get over it without smoothing it over with treats and spa days like some have suggested.
Sulking doesn't get rewarded! Enjoy your trip

Your 19 year old would be massively offended if you didn’t go wouldn’t she?

Not the most well thought out gift but it is so generous of her. I would definitely go

Well she can't afford it, what a lovely surprise from your daughter!

I would definitely go - but find the dynamics here a bit weird.

I wouldn't ever book a holiday for my mum without asking my sister if she wanted to come too first - do they not get on?
Also - id have told my dad before hand too.
I'm the older sister and have arranged presents for parents and took the hit when my sister couldn't afford it or was absolutely useless with her priorities - but have never let them know that.

I agree that she should have consulted her sister, I wouldn't organise something like this for either of my parents birthday without consulting my DB, but that's done now and I think you should go, it is an amazing gift. Also the fact that it's not one your actual birthday makes a difference as you can all celebrate together on the day.