Would you go on holiday with 1 DC and not the other?

[Ashiz]

19 year old has booked a trip to NYC for my 50th. 20 year old will be home from uni during that time. We would not be away for my actual birthday and will do something together on the day. DD(20) is really upset. Would you go?

Of course you should go. It will be lovely to spend some 1-1 time with your daughter. I have 6 children and dh and I make sure we spend 1-1 time with them.

I think everything depends on the relationship the daughters normally have. If it's usually fine and there is no chance that this trip was arranged deliberately to exclude the older sister, then it's just unfortunate that one can't afford to go (although she should have been offered the chance I think).

I have a sister who absolutely would arrange a trip like this as a way to exclude the rest of us and demonstrate how much money she has(money is the most important thing in her life). It would be more done out of spite than love, which would taint it for our mother, who is well aware of what my sister is like.

I have been on several short breaks individually with my daughters - it was really nice to have one on one time and more manageable to just have one room.

I thought OP said the 19yo did ask the 20yo if they wanted to be included?

As no, they weren't asked.

*Ah

Oooh, that is a bit of a tricky one. On one hand, how lovely and generous of your 19yo - and I'm in awe that she has the money to pay for two people to go to NYC, that's some serious saving! On the other hand, I can see it's very hard on her sister not to have been consulted, and younger sister surely could have anticipated that this would be a difficult thing for her sister at this stage - when my parents have had big birthdays, the siblings have tended to liaise about presents - so the element of surprise does feel slightly forced to me. I would certainly assume they not get on brilliantly, and that would make me feel like the situation needs to be carefully handled to ensure neither feels pushed out.

I think I would talk to both of them separately - tell your youngest how kind and generous she's been, and how grateful she is - and ask how she'd feel about your elder joining if she could. Talk to your eldest about not spoiling someone else's generosity with grumps, and that financial situations change - how will she feel if she ends up being the big earner in years to come?! And maybe (depending on what youngest says) about how she could manage the money if she wants to come - what can she do to earn/save? Is it something where you could lend her some of the money as an advance birthday/Christmas present? It would depend on them getting on on the trip though...

Can’t believe some people on here - talk about infantilisation! They are 20 and 19 not 6 and 5. Also their dad is not going so it’s not like the whole family is going and leaving one person behind - now that would be wrong.

And whoever said arrange a treat for 20 year old because she isn’t going to New York - presumably the 20 year old will be buying you a present so she can arrange a spa day for you and have you all to herself.

Id go

Yes, I would go and enjoy yourself. Your 20 year old might be upset, but it's a bit of a life lesson, isn't it?

Go!enjoy your gift and treat it as such.it's a fantastic city and would be awful for the money to be wasted by not going.you will regret it and it will cause more bad feeling if you don't go than if you do.

Hmm, it was a really lovely thing for your 19 year old to do. BUT... I personally hate gifts that are activities which are scheduled for certain days and I don't get to decide. A trip to NYC, wonderful, but I would have preferred to have had a say as to when. But that's me, if YOU don't mind, then sod the rest of your family.

Go and enjoy it!
She's an adult and her reaction comes across as immature and a bit spoilt tbh.
19 year old could of consulted her beforehand but obviously had her own reasons not to.
It's a lovely gift, probably once in a lifetime and I would accept and not allow any bad feeling to ruin for you both.

Of course you go and have a great time.

If you don't you are slapping the 19 year old in the face!

Your 20 year old will get over it!

I am curious to know why the 19 year old excluded the 20 year old. Regardless if 20 yr old can afford it they should have been asked.

Seems like 19 yr old wants to show up the 20 yr old by getting you an extravagant present knowing fully well 20 yr could never afford to match it.

Obviously your 20 is a bit disappointed - but who did she expend to fund her trip? It's a lovely gift form your 19yo - go and enjoy it.

I often go places with 1 adult son and not the other. They often do things together without me. 20 years old is an adult not a child. It is a present for you. Take it with good grace and do not feel guilty and no you do not have to make it up to the 20 year old. She should be giving you a present, and it is not as if you are away for your birthday day.

Totally what @AnnieAnoniMoose said.
For those saying she should have consulted her sister at what age is this acceptable to stop? All three of us have invited our parents on holiday with us nd not discussed it with the others. The dd is paying for a fantastic gift for her mum and has clearly planned and saved for this for a very long time the 20 year old dd is jealous but they are both students nd one has made different spending choices to the other.

Me and DSIS have a similar age gap and just the two of us. If she gave my DM that gift I'd be happy and excited for them both. Having said that I would have liked to be asked if I could afford to get involved but hey ho it's done now.
Definitely go. 20yr old will get over it.

The 20 year old probaly feels upset they ca't do something as nice for oyu, and sad to miss out on time with you and obviously missing out on NY.

However, I would still go. The 19 year old has done a nice thing.

It woudl have been nicer if they had pooled resources and you could all have gone away together for a ween or a day somewhere in the UK... but that hasn't happened.

Curious as yo how a 19 year old has enough money to pay for 2 to go to NY tho!

I don't want to sound like I'm sticking up for 1 daughter over the other, but I highly, highly doubt my 19 year old is doing this to "show off" she isn't like that at all and is very quiet about how well she saves. My eldest daughter doesn't save as well and enjoys going out a lot and spending which is absolutely fine, but my youngest prefers to be a bit more sensible, but definitely doesn't show off with the money she has saved.

Basically all of her wages (£400 a month) stays in her bank account. Me and her dad help her (like I said before - both of them) with living expenses for uni (+she has student loans for this). She has worked since she was 16 and has saved a few thousand!! She has more than I do in the bank!!

Its a grand gesture from the 19yo, you must accept. I bought my Dad an expensive painting at the same stage - to thank him for all his support. I’m sure he would rather i had saved it for future rent, but he accepted graciously. Just make plans to celebrate seperately too.

Siblings should have outgrown trying to ruin things for each other.