17 year old performer, not allowed to do what in the theater shocked 😮

[Willowk321]

So basically, my DS is 17. It is legal for him to have a job without parental concent, it is legal for him to drive (if he has passed his test which tbh he hasn’t 😜), he can legally move out- again without parental concent, and he can legally concent to his own medication.

He is also currently in a amateur production for a local company which he is really enjoying. However, I have been informed that I must accompany him to the stage door and sign to say I have dropped him off and Vice a versa at the end of the rehearsal.

I told my son I thought that this was ridiculous and refused to do it, however his director telephoned me the other night to told me thet it was a legal requirement and that any person under 18 is not allowed to vouch for themselves “Same way they don’t have any other responsibilities”. I then mentioned the above and they basically just said “yeah, well that’s different”. I mean WTF.

Anyway the thing that has annoyed me is what they said is complete 💩:

As soon I came off the phone, I went straight to Google to look up the law, as I would be amazed if you had to be picked up at an age where your considered mature enough to live on your own and even be married (yes, I do know that you need parental consent for that. Well, unless you run off to Scotland which; let’s be honest; is what most probably do 😉). Anyway I researched the law and click on the official document on gov uk and what a surprise... the age is 16. 😡🙄

I then checked my local authority to see if it was the same and it appeared to be. So I decided to ring up the Council and told them about the situation, and they told me:

“Although, the law is 16, it is not uncommon for theater groups/dance schools to raise the age (mostly to 18). 16 is the minimum age but theatre groups could raise the age to 30 if they wanted to and if you theater group wants you to pick up your 17 year old, then it’s their choice and life would be much easier if you just complied with it.”

So there you have it. It is clear that 17 year olds are legal to leave on their own, but my theater group just doesn’t want them to. I have discussed this with DS and although we both agree it is completely ridiculous; I have decided to comply as he desperately wants to do the show.

I suppose my question to all you lovely people is: should a 17 year old be allowed to leave a theater on there own? What age can members leave unaccompanied at your dance school/theater group?

I understand that some people feel that all people under 18s are children, but there is no denying that 0-17 is a broad age range, for example 17 year olds will naturally have more rights and responsibility’s then a 3 year old will.

I would like to say though, if you feel that 17 year olds should be escorted as they are still “children”, would you feel the same about a 17 year old McDonald worker being escorted. I personally cannot tell the difference, but... just a thought 🤔

Anyway I will leave it with you 😂

At the very least there should be a form you can sign giving permission for them to leave without an adult.

Goodness - you're very wound up about this. Does it really matter?

In law he's a minor and they are just wanting to protect their own backs, in case you argue they're in loco parentis. (Should anything happen to him)

Its awful isn't it that anyone ever should ever protect a teenager.

They are protecting themselves. They could appoint a safe guarding lead, train them, insure them, pay themetc etc etc, or they can ask the parents to do it.

Its normal, my children have both been involved in adult performing groups, and both needed chaperoning up to 18

I would imagine that the OP is at least in partly annoyed because this policy means that a parent or other named adult has to collect and drop her child at the start and finish of every rehearsal and performance otherwise her child will not be able to participate. Which is probably a great nuisance, and something they have likely not had to do since primary school as it's not something secondary schools expect. It's also pretty annoying to be told things that are simply not true.

I could understand the theatre group wanting their younger performers picked up after a later performance, but what possible justification is there for requiring a sign in at the beginning of every rehearsal or performance? My dd's youth group just had a sign up form with a section where parents could give permission for their children to make their own way home, which I imagine was there purely to cover any possible legal liability. Seemed like a fairly reasonable thing to do, although it was really for the younger children, by 17 most were independent, driving or using public transport for pretty much everything the idea that mum or dad should take them everywhere is a bit nuts really.

This isn't a chaperoning situation though Clairetree, parents aren't being asked to accompany their children, just drop off and pick up with a signing sheet. If they need additional supervision during rehearsals/shows then someone else is doing that (or not as the case may be).

You sound like my dad. I was 18, and my sixth form wanted him to write a letter giving me permission to leave a trip early to stay on my own in a B&B one night in half term. He refused, on the basis that if I wanted to move out into said B&B the next day, he wouldn't legally be able to stop me, therefore he had no right to give permission.

I was stuck between a rock and a hard place, and the school were obviously unimpressed when I offered to write a letter giving myself permission...

Just do it. Yes, it may feel stupid, but it's not your son's fault, and he's the one who's going to suffer if you choose this hill to die on.

Why not just say you cant be arsed to assist people, who clearly care about his well being, to keep your son safe?

OMG, what utter bastards (or, as the late and lamented Rik Mayall would say, "what utter, utter, utter BASTARDS!)

So, these absolute cunts want to safeguard your teen and make sure he's not abused. And this is too much for you... um... why exactly?

I have a 16 yr old and she IS my PFB. But I COMPLETELY know how childlike, ridiculous and hopeless [just fucking HOPELESS with arrangements and details and contact] mid - late teens can be.

Primary schools generally let children leave unaccompanied in Yr 6 (in preparation for secondary). Most don't hesitate from Yr 5, although some would quibble from Yr 4 or younger (although this does happen, esp when there are other siblings and the family lives close by and there are no big roads to cross)

BUT most schools are pretty close to the home.

The acting industry has had a whole heap of stuff. Harvey Weinstein (app for spelling). and it goes back YEARS "Don't Put Your Daughter On The Stage"

I get that you're pissed off, but it's kind of hard to get behind someone when the organisation wants to PROTECT your kid, and you can't be bothered. Would you be more comfortable if some paedophile priest was saying "no, it's fine... leave your child here.. they can go to rehearsal and stay the night"

ALSO, at 17, you've had a LOT of years being a taxi. But at 17 the end is in sight (I assume there are driving lessons). Are you not sad to be losing that 1 on 1 time, and missing those chats? I sure-as-hell am. I'm volunteering to drive DD and ALL her friends ANYWHERE they want to go at the moment AT ANY TIME. Because DD opens up to me in the car, and i'll bloody miss it when it stops!

Is it an insurance issue?

You don't know why they've chosen to stick to the strictest letter of the law in this regard; maybe they've been held liable by parents as stroppy as you are but coming from the other direction for allowing another 17 year old to leave without parental permission in the past so now, in an abundance of caution, they're crossing every t re their in loco parentis role. In their eyes he's a minor and they've decided the cut off date for minors is their 18 th birthday regardless of what the local council says. It might even be a requirement in the terms of their public liability insurance policy for all you know.

Here's the thing, you don't have to go along with it if you feel that strongly about the inconvenience but then, they don't have to accept your son as a performer do they? Your choice.

He wouldn't be allowed to be on stage as a drag act until he's 18 so on some level it makes sense. From a common sense point of view though, it does seem a bit much.

Until a law was changed in Rhode Island, male 14 year olds were doing gogo dancing in a Gstring. It was all legal if they left the theatre by 2100 on school nights. There were no rules about parental pickup and drop off.

"for example 17 year olds will naturally have more rights and responsibility’s then a 3 year old will."

Will they?

What right does a 17 year old have that the 3 year old doesn't?

People think they're so aware of their rights.

If it meant that much to him to go I wouldn't cause any trouble, just drop him off and sign... ppl get a bee in their bonnets about weird stuff and he'll soon be 18.

It is a bit odd, but they are the rules unfortunately.

But a theoretical situation:
Say someone lived in a different area 200 miles away with their ds. When their son turned 17 he moved out of his parents home and moved to the OPs town/city. He has similar interests as the OPs ds and gets to know him. He likes amateur dramatics so OPs son gets him involved with the same production. His parents can't travel the 200 miles to sign him in and out of the theatre to do the production, therefore I assume he can't take part. Someone living on their own miles away from parents and they can't take part in a theatre production, faintly ridiculous.

My dsis left home as a young teenager, went into foster care, left that at 16. Pregnant soon after, got a council house, baby born soon after her 17th birthday, and you're telling me that she couldn't take part in the amateur dramatics production - was NC with her mum at the time anyway. Was a parent herself, but couldn't take responsibility for herself for taking part in a production.

Not every person at age 17 will have a parent able to sign them in and out, some 17 yr olds will be orphans and fending for themselves. So will they have to miss out on doing things because of this? Looks like! I think it is a silly rule, not everyone that age has a parent or guardian to fulfil that requirement, unfortunately that seems to be the way they are running it though.

When I was 17 I moved 3 and a half hours away from home so how my mum could have picked me up from a theatre I really don't know. Seems a bit much to me.

YANBU.

It's patronizing and will mean that there are plenty of youngsters who will be unable to participate, it increases the cost of the activity, increases the environmental impact of it and removes a sensible, graduated opportunity for a young adult to take on responsibility that they are perfectly capable of, without doing anything concrete to address any sort of substantive risk.

It's also really annoying to simply be lied to - it isn't a legal requirement. It's something else and they either don't' know what it is (which is itself a concern) or they're not prepared to take responsibility for their decision - none of which is particularly endearing from any sort of organization.

Girlguiing used to have a similar policy.

I was 17, working part time in a supermarket, but if I wanted to play crazy golf with the rangers away from our usual meeting place I had to get my
Mum to sign a permission slip

I’m not sure the comparison to primary school, and references to drag acts and dancing in g strings helps.

YANBU.

16/17 is a really weird in between zone. Many responsibilities they are allowed but many they aren’t either such as voting, drinking, smoking, getting married without parental consent, being tattooed etc. I do find it odd we’ll let them work and leave home but not do any of the above.

It’s common sense to let a 17 year old leave alone.

What right does a 17 year old have that the 3 year old doesn't?

Last time I checked, 3 year olds couldn’t have sex, drive, get married, drink alcohol in a restaurant with their parents, join the armed forces, get a full time job, buy lottery tickets or vote, which are all things 17 year olds can do (in Scotland anyway - can’t vote til you’re 18 in England and Wales).

At 17 I had a job working in the cloak room of a bar which led to me leaving at 3 / 4 am and driving myself home three nights a week. If my parents had had to come and sign me out at the end of every shift I wouldn’t have been able to do the job. I don’t undertstand why it would be different for a theatre rehearsal, and I totally get why OP is annoyed about this unnecessary step which she, the mother of her son, reasonably deems unnecessary.

OP YANBU - you should at the very least be allowed to sign a release form.

At least they take safe guarding seriously . Imagine a 17 year old girl leaving the theatre at night alone no record of her going and something happens. The theatre company would be held responsible and rightly so male and female treat the same they are looking out for him you should be greatful

Maybe the director's name is Kevin Spacey.